Wedding Report #2

My Soap-Operatic Life

"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does."-Groucho Marx

Almost from the beginning of the car ride, they were fighting. They could not stop bitching at each other. Dad attacked Mom on every point- her driving, her choice of parking spot, her asking him where he wanted to eat, etc. They didn't even hold back they way they normally do around company. I really wanted to scream at them to shut up, but it's never worked.

As some of you might remember, my parents were going to drive me back on Saturday night so I could have some rest, get some sleep, etc. before getting ready for the wedding. In preparation of this, I had left my clothes up here. Well, you guessed it, Saturday morning Mom decided to renege, forcing me to wake up TOO early this morning, stagger in at 10:30 am (being picked up at 11:15), wake Taquoa up. But that's getting ahead, let's go back to Saturday . . .

We had gone to Pier 39, my favorite place in S.F. Well, Mom told me to stick with Linda, she'd stay with Dad. Well, Linda, as it turns out, walks slowly. (No reason for it, guess she's just a slug that way.) Very slowly. Pretty soon my parents were out of sight. Do I ditch her and run over to them? Drag her by her hair? Say, "Screw it, we'll catch up to them later" and go buy stuff?

I chose choice C. And boy, did I ever catch hell for it. It took two hours to find them again, and I wound up catching all the flack for it (they can't yell at Linda, she's not under their control). My dad kept being pissed for ages- we went out by the pier and he yelled at me, "You have no right to shiver!" What the hell is that? He's nuts.

And the fun just kept on coming. First, my mom found out that my aunt had been on vacation for a long time and hadn't even told her about it or where she was going. Mom flipped out and hung up the phone on her, yelling about how she should have known where she was in case of emergency. Yell, yell, yell all night. Linda asked me, "Are they always like this?" It's always interesting when I have to answer that question (yes, yes, a thousand times, yes). And then people wonder why I don't like confrontations and fighting? It's almost never done me a lick of good against them, so . . . the precedent has been set.

Here's something interesting I found in my new Cynthia Heimel book, from a quiz for potential dads:

1. Every time I turn on a talk show or read a book or newspaper, the topic of incest/child abuse smacks me in the face. Although I had no idea that incest/child abuse is our new national pastime, my own feelings about it are:

a. A man feeds and clothes and cares for his children and they owe him something. They owe him everything. They are his children and whatever he chooses to do with them is his business.

Yup, that was a trick question designed to weed out the psychos amongst you. If you even contemplated a, b, c, or d, you are never allowed to be a father. Immediately begin ten years of intensive psychotherapy or shoot yourself.

Surprisingly good and goofy. And I don't just mean the contrast between the Hindi relatives and the non-Hindi relatives (one of whom looks like Hume Cronyn. Go figure.). I actually got to talk to the bride and groom in places, which is usually pretty rare at weddings (my experience). And Sarah (little ms. "I can't dance") is a pretty good dancer, no matter what she says.

I was assigned to sit with her Piedmont friends Lynette and Olivia- nice chicks- they were even more surprised about the wedding than I was. Lynette didn't find out until she got the invitation, Olivia found out while fighting on the phone with Sarah (apparently she'd only talk if Hardeep wasn't home, and Olivia was rightly pissed. And yes, there was the infamous Nik (not spelled like I thought)- surprisingly he turned out to be a. cute, and b. a good dancer. No, I did not troll on him. I never troll on guys that I'm expected to troll on. And Sarah said he had a girlfriend. But still, mmmmm. (No, not the guy Patricia knew)

The whole fixup thing, that we were all supposed to dance with him, etc (that turned out to be mostly me), was kinda weird to me. I said to the girls, "What is it when they get married they have to fix everyone up? Is it a disease?" Then of course I remembered that thing off the newsgroup I put up last time on how you wind up not being friends with single people anymore- I hope that doesn't happen- maybe that's why the fixups. But really, it's not so much that they want to fix you up with someone you'd get along with, as who's the closest single guy, regardless of personality. That annoys me.

During the bouquet-throwing we all hid- some relative got it, thank God. I never like that part anyway, but then Sarah's mother came over to us and said, "Sarah caught the bouquet at the last wedding she went to, so . . . that's serious." Oh, great. My nightmare is to someday have a Picture Perfect moment of being the only single person and being stuck with the bouquet. Then God only knows what disaster might strike. Then again, this has already been a disastrous year- Dad, people stopping talking to me (Taquoa today won't even be in the same room as me- I came in the bedroom and she disappeared. Gee, thanks), certain classes, baaaaad dates, etc. I'd say "could it get any worse?" but I have the suspicion that it's going to. Whoopee!

Isn't it ironic (don't ya think? Sorry, had to do that) that just after I had decided that all my flipouts about marriage were ridiculous and that I didn't even need to worry about this kinda thing at my age, that I find out that Sarah got married? Not that I even WANT to get married, 'cause I definitely don't. I've been proposed to before, and frankly, the kinda guy who wants to marry me, grosses me out quite a bit. But that I could do it really scares me. I don't think it would work for me anyway. And Sarah is somewhat like me in the domestic arena- that is, she isn't domestic. My mom took me shopping for her present on Friday night and she kept saying things like "This cake platter is really useful for when she wants to entertain." Entertain???? My friend and ex-roommate (I know what her housecleaning/cooking skills are- worse than mine!) Sarah, entertaining? Geez, at her age "entertaining" is having people over to play Nintendo and going to Taco Bell. I can't imagine her and Hardeep in the adult world like that- that's not either of their personalities. The adult monster has yet to swallow them, even if it's supposed to. (Yes, I think that this fear stems from my insecurities about growing up, coupled with the fact that I look like a middle schooler- which I was mistaken for today. Again.) I can't picture Sarah being all domestic-y for at least ten years or so (nope, didn't buy any cake stuff). But apparently she's supposed to. Her mother was all, "Doesn't Sarah seem all grown-up and mature now?" Well, uh, she doesn't seem any different to me, even if she's got a ring on her finger and regular sex.

I should be studying right now, and I'm going to. Just to warn you all, I don't think I'm going to get the archives done too quickly (or at all, maybe) until I get back to school.

Links to other sites on the Web

Animation Station (car)
Graphic Station (city, swearing)

I'd come up with something cute about weddings to say here, but I can't think of anything. Figures.

© 1997 jdrutherford@ucdavis.edu

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