"Do you remember when the earth blew up, and we all escaped in the giant spacecrafts, but nobody ever told the stupid people?" The Asylum(Again, my computer hasn't been set up yet, until then there won't be photo links. To the photo suppliers, sorry!) That quote has nothing to do with anything, but I couldn't resist. Which is pretty much today's entry's theme- random crap.
Two things I found in the newspaper today:
1. Doonesbury- apparently Lacey is dying, and some other dead character (don't know who he is) has come to fetch her. Today's conversation was hysterical! I liked its point of view:
"So tell me, dear heart- does God exist?"
"Well, to me he does, but you have to decide for yourself."
"But I struggled with that my whole life! I thought death would settle it!"
"I'm afraid not, dear. It's still a matter of faith."
Sigh . . . "Well, what's he look like?"
"A bit like Eric Clapton, but he says it's just a coincidence."
2. There was an article on Las Positas (Lost Potential)'s fall orientation, featuring a large photo of a bunch of fencers doing a demonstration. Knowing that The Moron was into fencing (even though he's hella clumsy), I was not thrilled with this. (Note my restraint at not making some crack about him having an accident and injuring any tender body parts with the foil.) I couldn't pick him out, but I know that son-of-a-bitch was out there somewhere.
Grandma called this morning, and I will probably get into trouble here later one way or another for telling her the latest feuds between Mom and Aunt Susie and Laurie and Auntie Dolores. God, I've got enough feuding family members to go on Family Feud against each other.
On the topic of phone calls, I really should be writing and calling people now that I'm home. Should call Kristine (old friend of mine, lives behind my house and I still never call her. God, I suck) and Cathy (who I didn't get around to writing and haven't seen in a year!). And I have to tell Elena, Lisa, Michelle, and Mike about Sarah's getting married. I'm thinking of just doing a form letter (I'd just tell them all the same stuff anyway at this point), except that seems kinda rude if you're not doing one of those braggart Christmas letters. They're so annoying, because the only ones who send them are the snobby rich braggy relatives. "Oh, Bill wrote another book and spoke at three conferences, and Jane got a new, more prestigious job, and our oldest graduated from college, and we all went to Europe!" You never get a letter detailing the bad stuff that happened- "Well, the cat died this year and Bill lost his job at the plant, and all of Gladys's hair fell out because we found out we live over an old radiation plant, and Judy got pregnant again and Bud dropped out of grade school . . . " God, some day I should send out a letter like that.
Dad left the house to go to something this morning, and I actually (gasp!) woke up early just so I could go on the computer without being bitched at. I spent my time cramming in the stuff I hadn't seen in a few days. Again, I collected some quotes from pages. But first, I saw two phrases that would have made great titles for this page- "The Self-Melodrama" (off Breakup Girl) and "Cupid's Soiled Toy" (somewhere off Salon's Valentine's issue).
Caught up both on Zach and Lizzie- rather odd that Lizzie's entries have been mostly good stuff (yet I quote something not too good) and Zach's dad just died (yet I took stuff from a funny part).
Good stuff first: Zach and his girlfriend had been debating how you detect gay guys by sight (she claimed to be able to), and she took him to a gay bar to well, figure it all out. Anyway, the entry details his conversation with a guy there. One remark that cracked me up was something about how 80% of the gay guys in Texas wear polo shirts and nice shorts, or something like that (this is on the 10th's entry, by the way- lost exact URL). One of my teachers wore those all the time . . . this was hysterical! (In case you're wondering, yeah, he probably was. I don't "out" people without confirmation, though.) But the quote from it was-
"Very few gay men at this bar that night had beer guts. Most of them obviously work out. They're very proud of their appearance and how they present themselves to the world."Now isn't that lovely? The only guys who care about their appearance are the ones that I can't date. It figures that the straight guys wouldn't give a rat's ass. No wonder I get attracted to guys who everyone THINKS are gay . . . am I a psuedo-fag-hag?
As for Lizzie- I like reading her, but I'm glad I don't know her in real life, 'cause she'd hate me. Read this one about adults who stay dependent upon parents they can't stand:
"And why are so many people my age (29, I think is her age) still taking abuse and advice and endless crap from their folks, when they could just cut that last financial tie and be free? It's delicious, you know. You can say, "Thanks for your imput, Dad, but since I'd go on food stamps, sell my plasma, or give blow jobs in the park before I'd take another dime from you, you don't really have any say in this matter." Try it! You'll like it!"Yeah . . . but frankly, I'd rather put up with my parents than give blow jobs in the park. Eeeeeewwwwww. Like I've said before, I'm not used to freedom anyway, and since I can still put up with it at this point- it ain't worth doing blow jobs/plasma selling/stripping/what have you. No way."Support" would have allowed them too much control."
Hawaii Watch: Parents are going to someone's place (let's hope I'm not dragged along) on Saturday to work on arrangements, find out the cost, etc. Sounds like there's a pretty good chance this show will go on- a week in Hawaii!
Soap-opera humor: Recently started watching the ABC soaps again while I'm home, and wow, have things changed. They seem to have changed the actors that played characters- and not for the better, getting rid of some of my favorites for numbskulls. Today they announced that someone else was playing Jessica (a cute 17 or 18 year old) on One Life To Live. I hope the real actress is sick and will return, 'cause this one was disturbingly too old, even if she was dressed alike. She looked too much like Ally McBeal (around the same age, size) to be able to pull off teenager lines.
Then General Hospital came on, and they switched Justus. Problem was that a. New Justus has this goofy little voice (on a mob lawyer? Hello?), and b. he bore a ludicrously disturbing resemblance to the former lust object I was dreaming about a while back. Cracked me up, plus made me wonder if the former lust object's got any more half-siblings he doesn't know about.
An extremely perverse thought I had after seeing yet another pregnancy test commercial- they'll never show a commercial that goes like this:
Worried-looking woman talks to camera: God, we just got caught up in the moment . . . this wasn't planned . . . and I guess the pills didn't work . . .Let's face it, probably half of the pregnancy tests bought in America are with the hope that it DOESN'T come out positive- but they'll never say that in an ad. It'd be like admitting the purpose of douches on television (I had no idea what Massengill was advertising until I had sex-ed class. "What's not so fresh?"), or saying that women bleed (not blue liquid) when they're on their period. We need the products, everyone knows you use them, yet it's socially inacceptable to admit what they're for when you advertise it. Gets kinda ridiculous how they avoid the subject. Like there was some TP commercial that had a rhyming song (MD?) that ended like "what I need now, ooh, is softness please." Oh, yeah, like the obvious rhyme on the subject wouldn't be something ending like "what I need now, ooh, is soft TP." Sheesh.
Cut to shot of box, narrator speaks: E.P.T. For when you really have to know.
Woman looks at test: Oh, shit . . . now I'm going to have to get an abortion . . . nice to have this confirmed though . . . thanks, E.P.T. starts to sob
Box again: E.P.T. When you need to know good news . . . or bad news.
Ever think as you listen to people babble on and on about relationships, tossing out all these silly terms like "transitional person" (yes, I've been watching When Harry Met Sally again. Combined with rereading Bridget Jones's Diary it's a heady thing), that it's just a whole load of made-up b.s. we came up with to make ourselves feel better about the dump cycle that really doesn't mean squat? Did the cavemen have transitional cavewomen? I doubt it.
Which reminds me, here's the original Jess (what kind of a name is that for a guy? Never heard of it anywhere not in this movie) quote that I didn't get too exact in a previous entry (damned if I remember which one though): "I've finally gotten to a place in my life where I'm comfortable with the fact that it's just me and my work."
Something else about lines from that movie-
"Tell me I'll never have to be out there again."When you watch it from their POV, it's scary to see the shenanigans that the single go through. And they are frightening.
"You will never have to be out there again." Marie and Jess
One more note: While typing this I was watching the TV, and they had this story on a baby that was found in a box on the street yesterday. The whole time they kept saying that they hoped his mother would come to claim him. What??? They want the mother (and why do they always assume it's the mother who did these things?) or father, who, lest they forget, abandoned the child in the first place, obviously a sign they didn't want him, to come back and claim the baby? Are they nuts? If the parent or parents did come and claim the child, they think he's going to fare well? I don't think so. Sure, I want the police to find the parent(s) . . . and prosecute the hell out of them for abandonment/abuse/whatever! NOT to be allowed to raise it, when they showed how they can't or don't want to! Frankly, I think this child should be given to a family who actually WANTS a child and who will take care of it. That's just cruel.
God, the world's nuts. Comments? Either try jdrutherford@ucdavis.edu or gr3ruth@pacbell.net.
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