I'm Worried


My Soap-Operatic Life

"All marriages are happy; it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems." -Unknown
5:45 p.m.: Move-in day was all right. Minorly boring and minorly interesting. I didn't do a whole lot (at one point I was napping or eating cookies 'cause there was nothing for me to do). So I won't go into it. I have met roommates Katherine, Chelsea, and Megan so far. Haven't talked to them much, so I will reserve judgment for now.

Chelsea and Megan said that they'd had Jensen up there fixing their computers. I made what I suspect was a big mistake and said that I thought he was cute. I kinda got a reaction like "Oooh, watch out, my friend dated an RA, you gotta be careful." I shouldn't have admitted I thought he was cute, I somehow suspect this will back up on me later.

In the good-news category, I am now going to be a regular on Spotfans! Finally! More later.

In the bad-news category (hence the title today), I got an e-mail from Sarah. She said things have been bad with Hardeep, and she's moved back home with her parents, but didn't say much else. She sounded really upset, in that I'm-trying-to-sound-normal-but-the-upsettedness-just-creeps-out-in-conversation kind of way I've done so many times. She wants to visit, I really hope she does soon. 7:25 p.m.: Well, my impressions so far of the freshmen is that well, they are bimbos. I went to dinner with them, and they kept talking about how "we need to find people to hang out with." It finally occurred to me why people hate freshmen. It's not that they're young so much, or that they don't know the score, but that they're so dingy. I am very proud of myself- as we went down to dinner Jensen was in the lobby, and I ignored him- no drooling stares! Whoopee! Of course, I've got that meeting in a half hour, and I'll probably be drooling the entire time for the whole floor to see.

I'm not sure if I'm going to like the dorm experience so much this time. Don't know too many people, haven't really hit it off with anyone. I get along relatively well with the SOC's, but that's about it. The freshmen are well, freshmen, and the other new people around my area seem to be hyper. (Sigh) I miss my old crowd.

8:50 p.m.: I kept the drooling under control. I kept myself under control. I only looked at him directly when he was talking, or when he was looking at the other RA. I did not get caught staring, nor did I try to check and see if he was looking at me when I wasn't directly looking at him. (Isn't all this looking stuff silly? So high school of me.) I dunno, I think I'm going to try to lay off on this whole drooling-over-the-RA thing. Not as if I'm sure it's mutual, and he'd probably turn out to be a jerk too, the way my luck is going. (Can I say jerk magnet?) I'm feeling very burnt right now, and I'm not up to a third dose o' fire. Besides, I hate obvious flirting, and how would I do it in this case without being obvious? Hang around his room all day pretending stuff broke? And I don't think I want to date someone who can bust me for drinking, much less someone who hangs out in the bars all night (so I've heard).

It's all excuses. I'm just chicken. Chicken, chicken, chicken. If I don't know that they like me back, I won't do a thing. I get so pissed when someone finally does like me and then gets over it., I hate restarting from zero again.

Links to other sites on the Web

Graphic Station (tear)

E-mail the chicken at the address below.

© 1997 jdrutherford@ucdavis.edu


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