Dead Tired And Still Typing

My Soap-Operatic Life

"I can see it now, my parting words to god: 'Hey, where are you sending me and why am I in this handbasket?'" stranger than fiction

Tonight, I will try to make it a non-crush-obsessed entry. I really will. I didn't see him today, so I have no reason really to discuss the whole lust phenomenon.

I'm watching Felicity (taped) right now- I'd just like to know HOW Megan knows what's going on in Felicity's life if she's NEVER there. What's up with that?

Today was one of those days in which you just wanna pass out and die by the end of it. Too much stuff towards the end. Like in art class he made us draw the hog pens all day . . . you can imagine both how exciting that was and how pleasant it smelled. Although we've actually done worse assignments . . . I was dead tired when I got home and decided to check my e-mail. Which never happened, because I got all caught up in ICQ'ing and I found out that Spotfans was having a staff meeting on IRC tonight, so I had to get that downloaded, just in time for the meeting. Right after that I had to run off to my haunted house meeting on the other side of campus.

What we're doing is making the community center in the adult-housing complex into a haunted house for the 8 & ups on the day before Halloween. Which promises to be both fun and hectic (like everything else, right?). The chick running the meeting was a hoot- I'm looking forward to this, although my schedule is looking crowded now . . . I already feel worn out!

The rest of this entry is going to be another catchall entry, quotes, and pages y'all should check out.

"I saw Mike at work last night. Man, I was just a ball of nervous energy when I saw him. It's funny - we've rarely, if ever, worked the same shift, but there he was last night. And I'm dying to know what Nellie told him, because he kept coming down to the mall entrance, puttering around on the other side of the register kiosk, getting himself into my line of vision. It was painfully ironic, because he was doing things that I would have done at times to get a boy's attention. I guess what goes around comes around, hmm? :) So anyway, he came back around seven, and asks if I'm ready to go on break. "Eeek!", I'm thinking. "He wants to go on break with me? WhadoIdo?" But no, he was just taking over for my fifteen minute for some reason. Normally, a cashier from the front end comes back to rescue me, but he'd come down that night. Okay - whatver. I grabbed up my scribblings book (one that at the time contained random thoughts about the whole situation) and left him behind. I went through similar anxiety coming back, but he was nothing but friendly. See what happens when you express interest in someone who's not used to being treated that way? Fluster, fluster, fluster . . . but I know enough not to feign feelings back to him. Nellie thinks he's a little psycho anyhow. Ooooh baby." here, in my head . . .

"Why? Why do I have to fall for one of my students?! This is not cool. This is highly self-destructive.

I'm wondering if I'm self-destructive by nature. That would explain a lot about me. I fall for all the wrong guys at all the wrong times. I'm wondering how much of this could be avoided if I wanted to avoid it.

I have this whole mind over matter philosophy. I believe that if you say you are going to accomplish something, come hell or high water you will accomplish it. So why don't I just decide not to get into anymore relationships or situations as such that are bad for me?

Shouldn't it be that easy? Why isn't it?

Maybe a change of philosophy is called for..." dreams for an imsomniac

" I know I observe happily partnered couples and feel so removed from that interaction... My memories of that part of life feel so remote-- like watching a movie. It's like I am no longer the open, friendly person that I know myself to be. I begin to fear that I'll never be 'open' enough to enjoy that kind of 'closeness' again.

I'm not depressed, mind you-- just oddly buffered from extremes by a thick layer of survival techniques and habit. There is no sadness; but no joy, either. If you were to ask me what makes me happy these days, I don't know that I could come up with anything." -Songbyrd, Spotfans guest post

"Grab me, throw me into a wall, crush your body against mine and kiss me like the apocalypse was five minutes away." Squirrel Bait

Links to other sites on the Web

Winders
Vitameatavegemin
Squirrel Bait (on descriptions, being lovelorn)
Squirrel Bait (sex)

I need suggestions for scary stuff to do in the haunted house. Puh-leeze send suggestions to the e-mail below.

© 1997 jdrutherford@ucdavis.edu

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