"If you consider it, a vast number of our (human) motivations, are driven by sexuality. Not on on overt, or conscious level, but quite often on a very subconscious level." -Harry Zink1:00 p.m. I'm still being silly.
Today my neighbor got locked out of her room, so she came over here to use the phone/figure out what to do. Anyway, at one point she decides to go look for an RA to let her in, and I of course notice that she's heading to Jensen's. If I could have thought of a reasonable excuse to go along with her, I would have. So I get all hyper hoping they'll come over here. Doesn't happen, she gets the key from him and comes back, and I'm all disappointed again. God, the madness is back on.
3:30 p.m. Oh God, I just got off the bus and he was waiting at the stop, and my heart just started going 95 miles an hour. I felt faint almost. I just wanted to close my eyes and pass out on a bed (NO comments, please about that word), I was weak in the knees, all the stereotypes I think. Never done that before. I was good- while I made sure I walked in front of him getting off the bus, I didn't stare at him or even look much- just tried to look distracted- which I sure was.
Dear God, please help me. I am NOT well.
For those who forgot (although lord knows I can't), the social committee meeting is tonight. As you can see, I am, well, gearing up for it? I'm just soooo hyper for it to begin- only seven hours left until it does! I mean, for chrissakes it's not as if anything is going to happen there, he's not gonna just start liking me out of the blue or something (even less likely, we start imitating Dawson and Joey). I am trying to sound normal again here as I type. However, I still feel all woozy or whatever. (Yes, I did have lunch today, no, it's not PMS, no, I'm not sick!) This is more nuts even than usual for me!
7 p.m. Ooooh, I'm doing soooo much better now!
The effects of my lust didn't wear off until I got to my hula class, where I was physically distracted- in a good way, folks. I did great, class was fun, luverly.
Then I head for the bus . . . far ahead of me on the path, I see him. Oh my God.
Actually, my raging lust thing did NOT come back (thank goodness), but I was a little excited. I had time to think about what I should do . . . I didn't actually plan anything to do, but I well, I don't know what I did. Just get excited, I guess.
So I hit the bus stop, and he's sitting there with two other 3rd floorers (he just had introduced himself to one of 'em). At first I kinda hid behind the kiosk thing, then after a bit I thought, "What reason do I have to hide here? I can go over and talk too!" So I go inside the kiosk and wait with the rest- I think he kinda sees me but I'm on the other side of the other girl (who I've talked to before- she loves fashion too). The bus shows up, and this time I get on first! Smart move, I get on the back of the middle, and the rest follow me. It kinda gets into a group discussion from there. He talks to them more than me (he'd already been talking to them beforehand), about classes and hard stuff in 'em. But they're friendly to me, I observe things ... yeah, he was looking at me. Definitely. Several times. Several times.
I must be unbiased and put the caveat here that I was sitting in his eyeline (across/diagonal from him). No, but if he'd wanted to avoid looking at me he could have stared ahead of him . . . hmmmm. There may be some hope here?
Getting off the bus, I get off right behind him, and plan to keep that up so I can watch him. Like I did with Kiwini so long ago. However, he moves on the way out so that he's behind me. I think at the time that this was so he could talk to the girl he'd just met. Which annoys me- I'm thinking "Bad boy! You weren't supposed to move!" and feeling a bit jealous, when a. I notice that they're not talking or anything (couldn't hear anything), and b. it occurs to me that maybe he was doing the same thing with me (another Kiwini thing).
Okay, so that one could also be my imagination. What do you think?
In hula class today the teacher goes, "You're supposed to smile too." and then goes off to me about how I'm not smiling. I say to her (as I've been saying to all my dance teachers since I was nine and in my first dance recital) that I'm too busy thinking about what my arms and legs are doing to worry about my face, and she says "Everyone says that." Which incidentally is a lot nicer than how my ballet teachers put it. Well, ever since I got off the bus tonight . . .
I'm still smiling.
Okay, post-meeting update. Plans for the next week or so are:
1. Aggie Jam game (basketball) on Thurs. @ 9, group going.
2. White water rafting next Sun. for the floor.
3. Capture the Flag game the Tues. after that.
On the boy report . . . well, no particular looks/glances that I could pinpoint, but I did have a little conversation with him. Angela and I were going on about skiing (how I haven't done it, she's done it once and it didn't go well), and Jensen started telling me stuff about how some people learn easier than others how to do it. I can't really remember the rest. Oh, and he said goodbye to me. In general things went normal. I was in control.
Slightly anticlimactic, but not bad.
Links to other sites on the Web
Graphic Station (bus)
SheriBerry Graphics (arrow, fireworks)
Sooo . . . does he like me or not? Sound in by e-mailing me below.
© 1997 jdrutherford@ucdavis.edu
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