A Crappy Day

My Soap-Operatic Life

"It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up." -W. Somerset Maugham

Well, after a sucky weekend, came a sucky day. Well, it wouldn't have been sucky really other than there being NO food in the DC (We pay all that money for this?) and nobody's signed up for the rafting trip (groan), and they set off the fire alarm and it was INCREDIBLY screechy (I thought my computer had broken once and for all when I heard that noise!) and I bought a poster and then promptly lost it ten minutes later (showed up in my writing prof's office), except that it was a Monday and I had drawing class.

I have realized that I hate this class. I thought it was going to be fun, and the teacher is good (supposedly)- but I haven't had any fun. Almost everything I've done has been complete and utter crap (not exaggeration), the worst in the class. Today he made us tape a pencil to our knee and then draw a childhood memory with our knee (I swear that's not made up), and mine was the crappiest, he couldn't even tell what it was (yes, he could tell everyone else's). And we had to draw the goddamn hog pens again. Of course he doesn't tell you exactly what he's looking for until it's too late for me to correct the whole thing. And I completely got my line drawing WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. Now I have to do it over (oh, joy). I was the only one who didn't get it. He goes, "Why didn't you ask me?" I said, "I DID, I didn't understand your (vague, I wanted to say) explanation."

I hate that class. I dread it so much. I'm happier coming out of my Holocaust class than I am that one.

And I thought I saw Kiwini (maybe. I didn't look closely enough to be sure) while going to the hog pens, and I hid behind other people. Pretty obviously if it WAS him. And I started feeling all guilty and Mom's "maybe he didn't get the message" started playing in my head again . . . that I'd maybe wrecked another good thing . . . and I felt like crap. I keep expecting him to show up on campus and for things to be embarrassing as hell . . . just like I expected to see The Moron whenever I was home (over that now).

There's several big controversies going on at Spotfans, which I won't get into, but I do want to mention this stuff:

There was a post on one of the boards that kinda hit me in a sensitive spot. I'll quote the part here:

"I only write about 1/3 of the board posts in response to the diary entries that I consider writing. Most are discarded for fear of hurting someones feelings or discouraging them from writing more. I am stifled in the way that one always is when one deals with real people. After all you don't generally tell your friend that a dress makes her look fat even when it does. Or that the cute boy down the hall is an idiot and she should stop obsessing over him. (I threw that in just for Jennifer so that Kevin wouldn't feel persecuted as the only example in this post.)"

As y'all probably know or guessed, I hear that line "that guy is an idiot and you should stop obsessing" ALL THE FREAKING TIME. FROM EVERYONE. Complete strangers even after talking to me for five minutes have said this to me. Not ALL about the same guy though (take a wild guess who mostly got it- well, he certainly is a jerk though). And it just hit me that I've done it again, developed a jones for another guy who everyone determines to be an idiot without even hearing much from me. How come they all can tell and I just don't see it?

(I may turn this into a post later) The way little Ms. No-Self-Esteem sees it, a person is not an idiot because they don't like me, it's a personal preference. I'm not insulted by it (although if it's someone I like it annoys me). I think I'm the idiot for having all these pointless lusts for jerkasses.

But the way other people (on the site, etc.) seem to see it, the guy is an idiot for not having a thing for me back. I don't exactly see how this works. I don't understand it. What determines an idiot, anyway?

"idiot: n. 1. an utterly stupid or foolish person. 2. a person of the lowest order in a former classification of mental retardation, having a mental age of less than three years and an intelligence quotient under 25." -Random House Webster's College Dictionary

My response, trying to go along with this and not feel all attackish and demanding to know why this particular guy is an idiot (I've hardly mentioned him- how does she know? He doesn't seem like an idiot to me. Probably a jerk, but not an idiot. Of course, my opinion here is tampered by my suspicion that it is a little mutual):

"Oh, don't worry about it. I hear that ALL THE TIME (about every cute guy I see). Not a news flash."

Then surprisingly, her response was:

"LOL, I was just teasing."

I was completely surprised.

"Wow, really? I've heard that so many times from so many people I figured it was serious."

Idiot or not an idiot? Sound off by using the e-mail address below.

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page