Pathetic and Storyless

My Soap-Operatic Life

"Pessimism rules. It's optimistic idiots like yourself that get caught off guard and disappointed when things don't go right. If you expect the worst, you'll never be let down." -Matt Spinetta

Not a huge lot of news today either:

In backwards order . . . geez, that Felicity show! They started out realistic and it just went to hell. Now, if that had happened at UCD, Ben have been busted just as bad as Felicity for it, EVEN IF HE WAS INNOCENT (no way to PROVE that), they would have been both at least suspended (and then had it announced in the school paper that they were!). While I give them kudos to do this topic, they got off scot-free! WOULD NEVER EVER EVER HAPPEN. Bye bye NYU is what would have happened! As for Ben, if he hangs around her any more someone should smack him- I would just avoid the hell out of her! How awful what she did to him.

I like that Blair guy- Elena needs someone to take her royal crankiness down a peg (that elevator thing and "You're on my list" were ridiculous).

Did anyone else have the sick urge to try to actually look for noelcrane.com? I so want to, and I KNOW it's fictional . . . sick, Jen.

In the category of "Somewhat Surprising Things," Angela came by tonight to drop off forms we're supposed to fill out (not like anyone else but me will do them . . . but you already knew that) and to comment on how her suitemate (don't know her name- well, I forgot it) said I came by to ask if there was a meeting. Turns out there was one, but they both had midterms today and were all confused/hectic/something- they were in his room, but nobody showed up (told you nobody would- glad I didn't all by myself). Said there's one next week (the timing of it to be discussed), plus some pizza party for those who fill out the forms (however, they're anonymous, so how they'll PROVE this . . . )

Anyway, I gave them both good reviews on the form (what did you expect from me?), but was down on the food, cable channels, and do-nothing "community members."

Went to writing class, where I was quite surprised to discover that we now have a character sketch and scene description due in the next two classes. And I don't even HAVE a story to tell, much less characters. Oh fuck. So instead of doing that, I'm typing this. Brillyunt, Jen.

The election results so far are GREAT!

Oh, and I got an A- on my last drawing homework! Total surprise!!!!

I have pretty much nothing else to say, other than commenting on stuff off the UCD newsgroup again. The top quote is from my fellow negative gripy person on the newsgroup.

I said this . . .

"Add to that, "and your friends tell you constantly that beggars can't be choosers and you should like them instead of the jerks you normally go for." Gee, thanks, friends."

"Heh, totally... And the people they want you to go for are always SO far from being desirable to you that it's not funny... Yeah some people can be "sweet" and all, but usually too much sweetness equates to a seriously BORING personality and the god aweful problem of "So what do you want to do?" "Oh, honey, I don't know! What do YOU want to do?"... Indecisive people SUCK."

Oh, I should mention that our homework for self-defense is to assess how "assertive" we are. Well, I already did that- I am not in the slightest bit assertive. Ah, timing.

Then some other guy (Ryan somebody) said:

"What the hell??? Do you guys sit around all day, wearing black, complaining about how much you suck and how everyone who is happy is lame?

You guys are the coolest."

"Definitely! Our first targets can be the idiots that always talk with "we" this and "we" that like they and their little lover are a single entity that can't stand by themselves... I want to set up an amusement park with a little "Lover's Lane" gondola ride that drops into a firey pit."

"God, yes. The guy I mentioned hung around me while I was doing my homework for two hours, to the point where we weren't even talking, he just sat there, yet he doesn't leave . . . sure, it's sweet, but I kept thinking, "Geez, aren't you BORED????" I would be. Any person with more personality would be."

"So what you are saying here sounds like "It sure is boring to hang around me [Jennifer]." You might be passing up some real kool people just because your self image is poor. Why wouldn't somebody like just hanging around you? Do you smell bad? I mean, if liking hanging around you is a reason to NOT like someone then all you are ever gonna get are the stick it in, roll over, dress and go boys. And what good are they? All they offer is a roll in the sack and they aren't even any good at that.

Jennifer, go for someone who likes you. It is THE only way to actually have a real relationship. At least give the guy a chance and get to know him. People are NOT what they look like. Besides in the dark who cares what they look like?" -Susan R.

I said I would get to know him . . . I'm just not excited about that.

That reminds me of something I wanted to mention here: Had this conversation with Victor a few nights back or something like that, about my whole wimp/non-assertiveness problem . . . which basically boiled down to it would take a whole lot of work and effort to change the way I am now . . . and well, I know I won't do it. I won't put in the effort, no matter how much I am fucked over. And there's nothing good that I can say about that. And y'all wonder why I don't like myself? I don't like what I do, yet really don't want to change. Why would I like myself?

Anyway, it's very long, but I managed to save the log of the thing, and I'm going to put it on another page if you care to read it . . . I haven't finished altering the thing into HTML yet, it'll go up ASAP.

I can't think of a story idea. Can anyone send me one, puh-leeze?

© 1997 jdrutherford@ucdavis.edu

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