|
Be gentle..use persuasion, conditional love, and a limitless supply of positive reinforcement to push those sensitive boundaries. But push them. It will be appreciated.
And after all, isn't a little appreciation what we're all after?
Unconditional love has no place in the traditional BDSM relationship. A subtle shift must take place in the Top's mind between
"I'll love you even if you don't do this for Me"
to
"I want you to do this for Me, If you do it, I will be very pleased with you".
Note the subtle distinction in the two quotes?
The first implies that the submissive no longer has to strive to please her Dom. What then is her incentive? Why should she try something new,or different? After all,her Top just told her it wouldn't affect how He feels about her, so why not just forget the whole thing?
But in the second statement-now there we have some subtle,but powerful dominance at work.
"I want you to do this for Me" is a key phrase. It states very plainly that the Dom's satisfaction is tied to a particular act or behaviour. It doesn't matter what "this" is; the point is that it is important to the Dom, and that the importance has been communicated. The second part of the phrase,"if you do it, I will be very pleased with you" is even more critical. Nowhere does it say that failure to comply will be punished, or that the relationship hinges on obedience to the command.
Instead, it offers a subtle blend of positive reinforcement(an implied reward for pleasing the Dom) with an unspoken understanding that failure to please would cause disappointment.
True submissives will do almost anything within their abilities to avoid disappointing the person they are in love with.
Just as in hypnotism, the trick is to work with the subject's hidden desires, and not try to force them into doing something that goes against the grain.
The key to understanding this is to understand that what a submissive desires most is her Top's love and appreciation. She is more than willing to earn it; in fact,she wants to earn it. She wouldn't know what to do if that kind of love and affection were given to her unconditionally, so it is the caring Dom's job to assist her in feeling that she has fully "earned" whatever reward pleases the Top the most.
"When death sleeps it dreams of you/
Delilah played the dead girl at the freak show/
She smiles like a ghost/
Like zombies eating dust in Mexico/
Life dries cold beneath the dead soul lights/
she asked if it would hurt/
I smiled and said no/
the lie ran down my chin like embryo."
...A story..God's brother, Chet, wasn't into flash and hype. He could have created a heaven and Earth, but he didn't. God and Chet were the same age:the alpha and the omega. Only they could joke,"I'm older than dirt", and mean it. God had the temper, Chet the sense of humor. God had responsibilities. Chet had a 1992 Crown Victoria. When God thinks of something, it is true, and he knows it before he thinks it. God knows everything everyone everywhere has ever thought. Chet knows, too. But he doesn't let it go to his head. "Humans, theyr're so horrible,"God said. "Look how they act".
"You've know one to blame but yourself,"Chet said. "You knew. And if you didn't know,you were lying to yourself,and you knew that too." "Who do you think you're talking to?" God said.
"Listen,"Chet said."To them you're God. But to me? I'm not an angel with a chip on my shoulder. You can't cast me into the darkness. I'm going to the park. Play some cards. Tell a few jokes. You're welcome, but I know you'd rather sit here with the seraphim and mope." "You'd rather be with humans"? said God.
"Right,I forgot hanging out with you is such a great time, added Chet. God said,"I've got responsibilities". "That's right. You're busy. Remind me again, what is it you're doing?, said Chet.
"Knowing", God replied.
Chet shrugged and went off to the park to be with his friends. Chet never told them he was God's brother. He claimed he'd been an industrial art teacher in Toledo. Who did ok in the market. It was easy. He knew every street in Toledo.The location of every leaf on every tree. Chet knew everything. He knew his friends. He knew that Jackie, seated next to him, the guy who gloated about his new grandson, had no idea of the boy's heart murmur and impending death. Chet also new that Izzy, two chairs down, was not as he claimed, a camp survivor, but a guard whose job it had been to report those too sick to work. That Fred, seated next to Izzy,was terrified of the dark and slept each night with all his lights burning. That Terry, across the table, would die while watching an infomercial on exercise equipment, wondering if his dear, departed wife ever looked as good as the models.
Occasionally they talked of God. Chet laughed. How much they thought of his brother. Once, he told them the truth. "God's a bore. Sure he got the ball rolling. But then what? Nothing,that's what. He knows everything, but he doesn't do anything. If he cared, he'd come down, say hello, see how things were going. But he doesn't care."
Izzy said,"You're entitled to you're beliefs, no matter how wrong you are."They all laughed. Chet too. He knew what they were going to say before they said it. That was the thing with humans. They couldn't help themselves. He knew that, but seeing them get agitated, angry, resentful, as if what they said, thought, or did mattered..it killed him. God got a manicure every Thursday. It broke up the week. Chet sat at a chair opposite him, reading the paper."The people don't believe you. They believe what humans for thousands of years have told them". "Really is a sad thing", God replied."It has me worried". "Worried"?, Chet countered. "No",God said."It was a joke." I knew that,"Chet said....>
To let go doesn't mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else..To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences..To let go is not to try and change or blame another, I can only change myself..To let go is not to care for but to care about..To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive..To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being..To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes..To let go is not to deny, but to accept..To let go is not to scold or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them..To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment..To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future..To let go is to fear less and love more.
<..^^^You have to leave the people behind who can't accept you because sometimes on your way to your dreams, you find a better one..find out what you HAVE and what you LOVE are the SAME thing..
today is my independence day and this..this is my flag..waving^^^
{{There comes a period in your life where you strip away layers and see what's left. Saddens me to think that there are Tops who are abusing the chain on their subs collar because that is the only way in their life they can "lead" anyone around. It asks a question-are you prepared to go the distance because it's going to be painful.
Who's driving tonight,baby? Have somebody you can really trust and talk to and get the right answers from. If you can grasp onto something that's much bigger than yourself and believe in it, then you have a faith and it's ALWAYS there.
It's about believing in yourself. I think with naked honesty, you're gonna fuck up every once in a while, but I think you at least have to take chances.
If you have alot of pain, do it the right way: Keep it locked inside and let it eat at you and let it make you hard and bitter...*smile*..
"she didn't notice the hole in her head/
cause she feels no pain/
broken looking glass shards on the bed/
don't reflect the same/
golden ears always heard what I couldn't see/
forked tongue spouting out words brought out the worst in me/
blaming myself for things you couldn't believe/
I don't care, I don't care, I don't care anymore/
for all she could do was complain"
..yep,.."the pig is on the table/
and the hunters are out back/
their spears are sharp as razors/
you best not turn your back.}}::::
The times wished different.
The times wished consistent.
It is a list of grievances all children carry with them, well into adulthood. For many of my contemporaries, these grievances were secreted in the alcove of their souls, cluttering their thoughts but ever-handy as excuse and reason.
On a regular basis or whenever needed, we took this list out of its hiding place for examination and, in certain cases, for intimate sharing. We blamed our parents for the present and the past, for careers and relationships gone awry, for transgressions both real and imagined.
A father was too critical, a mother too distant. She was an alcoholic and he was a workaholic. She talked too much; he not at all.
They were this and they were that; they were everything and not enough. They were human. And we never forgave them. We wanted them perfect,answerable to our demands before we uttered them, never failing, never hesitating, always within our grasp. As adults and parents ourselves, we are no longer so quick to judge, to label black and white. Our own tragedies and triumphs have taught us the infinite shadings in between.
The why-didn't-yous and how-could-yous linger; we cling to old images because of their familiarity, because giving them up means adding responsibility for ourselves. But the journey is inevitable. We know,in every alcove where the list of grievances is secreted, that to make peace with who we have become we must first fashion a peace with who we are. And take the blame.::::
Today---Get priorities straight already...You'd think love was invented as an aphrodisiac.
Love raises the sexual stakes, and makes women feel they serve a noble cause when they fuck, so their senses are heightened. Love makes miserable lovers seem sublime,fragile,intense.
Love persuades girls that their beloved is better than anyone who came before or who could come tomorrow
,and they'll overlook shortcomings to protect their love investment.
So the cure for any lingering anatomical insecurities is in the knowledge that emotion achieves more than technique in sex. This is why men with a strong sense of tragedy get laid better. This is why pestering wooers who babytalk and sigh ultimately score: because women like to be swept by tokens of passion that seem to leave them no choice and may never be re-experienced. The assumption of uniqueness is a necessary embellishment of lust; women like prettifying the panicky reality of pounded grunts and genital humping.
And they start with the correct assumption that most men would fuck a headless woman, that men have a sex wish that can be satisfied at any Burger King of eroticism, that in and of itself, sex is shallow, a hasty mechanical reiteration.
See..sex really is better when you love her/him/them.
And even better when you have the lifestyle at your disposal, for the right reasons..to color the page.-----
|
Get your own Free Home Page