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Okay,prove you can still find your ass with both hands.
Suffice it to
say that you could embrace, theoretically, the notion of change.
Accept
strife as essential to progress. Realize that risk may lead to failure.
See things as a whole and yourself as a character in the unfolding of
history.
Think in capital letters.
But then sadly, most will not.
If
given the choice between two evils, choose the one you didn't choose the
first time. How do you register truth? When are the facts you surmise as
correct, become word? Most don't want to make things better, they just
want to be the hero.
Does "sub" mean "subversive"? Does "Top" mean
always right?
Yes, anger is an easier emotion to deal with than
frustration and when you know better you do better.
But too many blind
leading the blind.
How many people enter the computer to escape the
painful world of reality? And in doing so "trip up" the ones who are
really searching for knowledge? One is too many. And too many is the
number I've seen.
I feel guilty taking up space when I have nothing
better to do then to "cyber" another. In my rather jaded opinion, that
is not what most places are meant for.
PREDATORS rule the computer.
Preying on the unknowing, the unwitting and the uneducated. I'm not that
proud.
Body parts are traded for love, wounds seldom heal and
self-sacrifice is the only way out?
You really should never come back
here. I'm not going to stroke anyone. Change the channel, you won't like
this program.
"Little is true and I'm tired of the games played
Its later than now and the fabric of reality's frayed
And your screaming cause there's nothing left to say"...It really is always about SOMEONE trying to look good by pointing the finger at SOMEONE who THEY think is bad...
"Welcome to your world,my baby/
There are two things,rest assured/
Sometimes you'll really hate it/
But sometimes you'll love it even more/
One man tries to lead you one way/
Another just leads to confusion/
But there's beauty in the balance/
It's a constant stream of delusion/
It's a long way down the road you travel on sometimes/
It's the journey not the destination,precious one/
While you're young enjoy young worries/
Cause as you grow you'll find you're giving thought to making money/
It's the making of a living/
So keep your chin up baby/
Keep your eye on the ball and not the score/
Sometimes you'll really hate this world/
Sometimes you'll love it even more...
*Judgement...who has that right? I love seeing the "self-appointed" throw darts. First your honor, you should tell your spouse what you're doing.
Then think of all the nonsense you spat out publicly, to participate in the bullshit. Proud of the sadistic little displays of "power".
Happy being one of those strong who can ONLY rise above the masses by standing on someone else's shoulders. At least you should know of whom you speak before forming a judgement.
Especially if you find it important enough to carry on the "hero" role for so long.
By all means play the "cut and paste" edit.
Continue and contribute to the soap opera.
Or maybe..just maybe you could spend one tenth the effort offline as you do online. It may make your children happy. It may make you a more "whole" person. Of course you need to check in with your "friends" online.
Of course you live in smalltown,USA where you need to go into cyberspace to find like-minded individuals.
But please get your shit together before laying it out to another.
And in this lifestyle especially it is easy to find comfort by submitting to another.
Or to overpower one susceptible when you are continually brow beaten in daily life by bosses,spouses and society in general.
Know the difference between a blowjob and a boyfriend.
See things for what they are,not what you want them to be. Respect yourself. Think for yourself. Then share with another.
"You're so sorry/
The sorriest man I've ever seen/
When you lacked manners,style and grace/
You picked up the check to compensate/
She spends nights giving a damn/
Spraying chanel in her diaphram/
They laid without touching on their very strange bed/
He thought he should open up but closed his eyes instead/
The ceiling fan clattered as it pushed aside the heavy air/
After twenty years together loniliness is all they shared..."
Nickels
I was sitting in the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas playing nickel slots when
I stumbled on the secret of life.
It was certainly no epiphany.
In
fact,the secret that was revealed to me was rather depressing.
I guess I
knew it all along.
If you already have what you need,you will get more.
If you desperately want something to happen,it never will.
Most
importantly,when you choose to quit is far more important than when or
what you begin.
It was hard to say why I was sitting there so long. Slots are boring. I
kept feeding coins into the machine as fast as I could. I started to
notice patterns.
The patterns were probably completely imaginary,but it
is human nature to want to create an orderly universe.
I saw abrupt
random jackpots followed by long predictable periods when I watched my
accumulated winnings diminish with almost mathematical precision.
It
occured to me that almost any game of chance followed the same
predictable pattern.
I just never noticed them before.
When you are
playing games with chips instead of nickels,you usually run out of money
long before any discernible patterns emerge.
When the stakes are higher
you are forced to rely on luck.
The more nickels I fed into the
machine,the clearer it became that although a stroke of good luck can be
dramatic,it does not come your way frequently.
If you don't have the
resources to wait patiently,it probably doesn't come at all.
There is a strange sort of paradox here.
If you don't need something,you
will automatically get more. Just look around.
If you already have a
great job,other employers want you more. If you create one hit,that
formula in song is expected to be followed to the letter.
If you are not
looking for sex,you are often more desirable then if you were some heavy
mouth breathing predator.
Everyone wants a winner.
As long as you can
keep putting nickels in the machine indefinitely,you're home free.
Eventually a jackpot will hit that will erase your losses and allow you
to exit the game on your own terms.
In the nickel slot theory of life,you can only win if you can afford to
lose over and over again.
I can't say that I've always played by these rules,but they seem to make
alot of sense.
Good luck is erratic and unpredictable.
If you aren't
prepared to seize the moment when it comes your way,your fleeting
opportunity will quickly vanish.
Fame is a vapor.
If I had walked away
before now,I would never have noticed the patterns.
I kept feeding nickels into the machine and somehow started thinking
about sustainable fantasies.
Fantasy is a big thing these days.
Television and media have conditioned people to think they can have it
all.
If you don't have talent,you can still pretend.
Legions of
middle-aged men who had high school fantasies about being race car
drivers can now go to fantasy camps and drive a nascar mock-up at 180mph
around an empty track.
They go to baseball camps and play a week's worth
of games against the same aging men they collected on baseball cards.
As
I sat there,I thought of fantasy rock and roll camps where men and women
got to jam onstage with members of the eagles,bob seger or deep purple.
Notice I excluded myself.
It's not that I disapprove of fantasy.
I just
want it to last longer then a week.
As I kept feeding nickels into the
machine,I began to realize that fantasies are only sustainable when you
are living them already.
I went to see the now defunct debbie reynolds museum in her now closed
hotel.
She had the original dorothy dress and ruby slippers and
marilyn's white dress from the seven year itch...but it used up all her
nickels.
I remember all the aging employees there and how they were
making excuses on why the place wasn't successful.
Everyone was out of
nickels there.
It was a sobering experience.
So I walked away from the machine,my winnings in a plastic cup.
They
would pay for a nice meal at mortoni's.
If they had been dollars they
would have paid for my entire stay.
But that's not how life works.
If I
had been playing with anything but nickels I would have been out of the
game in 10 minutes.
I know my limits. No complications. No sharp edges
anywhere.
I've been feeding nickels into this machine of mine for along
time now.
There have been good years.
There have been bad years.
There have been some jackpots.
In a way,it doesn't matter though.
I have in my
hand now a fistful of dollars and I'm going to play the new machine
cause the time is right.
And if it don't hit,
well,
I won't run out of
nickels either.
Some people are like donuts....
no center
So check this out...
This page gets linked to websites without anyone
asking...well...cool...
if you see it let me know..
cause I tend to look
at the announcements that it is done like I look at email ads..
they get
deleted without opening...
anyway..a long overdue addition now follows...
seems once there was Orpheus..who had never seen his lover..she was
death as it spoke the wheels of the moon and sun..
It was Eurydice who
had said she loved him with her figures so floating and standing...
so he
said,I am the gender which passes,past the night of figure and fragment
past the fragment which was a whole and is now a part..
part machine and
desire of which you are,oh sentence oh lover...letters flew in their
stead..
some ghosts rollicked their beds some ghost-distance,never having
seen how they could hurt,how they could be coiled against the precious
night of something more then that...
grammar escaping each time...
and in
the course of this diatribe..repeating himself...
first you lose your
pronouns,then you lose your grammar..
then you lose your body and
mind..
then you begin again...everyfuckingtime..
so grammar got left
before pronouns..
and their logic of sense is like the logic of
desire..
one day I shall introduce you to the shadow and mix..
in the
meantime,become the telegraph of your true self...
but remember this,if
you're going to bleed..at least use your pain for some really good
emotional catharsis before starting the whole thing over again..
cause
you know...there are some "netizens" who travel the country fucking
minds as well as bodies.
To listen deeply is to give deeply...
words decorate the rise and fall of
more than our voice...
words are the throbs of our hearts' heart...
take
bread and wine,but honor the comunnion of the moment..
hear the hearing
of others as well as their speaking...
and meet me in receptivity
until time next...remember my devils...
thanks for visiting
and ...drop me an email and let me know who was here
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