As with all my writting, this tends to be personal. Read if you wish, I will admit that some of this is hard to read since it expands over two weeks. The events are as true to my recollection as i can remember them.
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Under amethists skies, the silvermoon sparkles spout glitter on the highway. Beneath the milky twilight in a cellophane heat.
People wanting, waiting to fill a void. Sometimes you don't know what you're going to find, what is going to happen or how you will change from it. The same email that I replied to over a year ago, was this person who know is going to come here I arrived at Sky Harbor at 4:15pm, i parked my car and enter the air conditioned coolness. Looking at the monitors i find the gate C18. I sit with strangers and eavesdrop on their converstion (apparently a family reunion in which this one was complaining about the snobbiness of the other). The plane is fifteen minutes late. I await with butterflies in my stomach, and as i see the approach the gate, i become the personification of Evard Munch's "The Scream." passangers come off the plane, the first 10, then 20 then 30, i start to get nervous because half the plane has gotten off and there's still no sign of Kim. Finally I see her, hair up in a 'pebbles flintstone' look, small blue tank top, big ass Sobe lizzard on her arm. i greet her, and she mentions why didn't i tell her it was 250 degrees outside. We kiss an awkward kiss, she tastes like peanuts. We hold hands as we walk amongst the crowd to the baggage claim. It feels strange, sort of like a personal stranger, someone who you know but not quite. She makes a call to her parents telling them she got to Phoenix safely and i make a call to Adam to see if he scored the "thing" i requested on Kim's behalf. No luck but he tells us to come over. We get her bags, they weigh a ton! and make our way to the parking structure. We reach my car, "nice car" she says. "Thank you" i reply. Driving out of the airport into rush hour traffic we listened to Radiohead and the just the radio and the voices in our head. We got to the "room" which otherwise is simply a hotel/apt. complex in the ghetto. After some time alone we made our way to Adam's house. She meets my old friend and spent time talking about life in general while watching the NIN "Broken" movie. We spend most of the night there talking with Adam. We leave because she's hungry and make a stop at the McDonald's drive-thru. She wants a hamburger and a "funny" Tarzan straw that makes noise when you slurp. Wenesday night we made joined Adam, Fuzzy and Becky at Ligouri's for some drinks. She seemed to enjoy meeting 'others' especially those who had something in common with her. Fuzzy is in the Army and Becky, well she's a girl. We played drinking games Becky knew, talked and returned to his place to watch the Black Fly's promo videos and some trippy Aphex Twin shit. The next day we made a trip to Paradise Valley, mostly so she could see the houses on the way up there. On the trip back we sang along to the 80's songs in 'The Wedding Singer' soundtracks. Come to think of it, we sang a lot of 80's songs together, hearing the retro platter on party radio. We discussed our love for that decade. Our favorite bands, like Duran Duran, Twisted Sister, W.A.S.P. and Culture Club. Tempe. We sojourned to Arizona's college town to the Headquaters, Trails, Zia, ASU and of course the Cold Stone creamery. Actually we ate a lot of ice cream-Kim seems to crave it during rhe summer months. On one of our trips back to Phoenix we took the papago express way listening to Depeche Mode's "Never let me down again" while the desert landscape flickered by. We ate pizza her second night here and she bought a jar-jar binks thingie at pizza hut. We rented movies, though we usually missed half of it because we had sex during them. We bought a lot of alcohol too, mostly wine coolers. Our trash is made up of empty bottles, used condoms and hamburger wrappers from fast food joints. Each night, before falling asleep, we told each other our darkest secrets. Flirting with the edges of emotions engaging in the inarticulate speech of the heart. Sometimes awash in tears or laughter, we "learned" who the other was through the others experiences. One bed, two bare bodies, two lonely aching spirits, two hungers-equally desperate, equally lonely, somehow terribly different. Her skin was soft, her deep-set eyes beautiful. Our days became a routine, a very good routine which i miss greatly. I wake up and go to work, she would wait till i came home. Once i got back, I would take a shower while she watched 'Maury', then we would have sex, and go out into the city. Eventually we would find food and come back to the room. I would leave for work again, get home, take another shower-have sex, and go out again. The destination was usually adam's. Where we spent way too much time, though he was always a gracious host. During her stay, Kim often referred to me as a "pretty-boy", because of my clothes, the way I handle myself and my soft hands. Fair enough, though I know boys who are far prettier than me. As we walked through the opulance of Scottsdale Fashion square, she stated that "Scottsdale makes all of Michigan look like white trash." We had frapuccinos at Starbucks and ate at Jack In the Box, of which, for health concerns, there are none in her home state. We took tons of pictures though my black&white film 'mysteriously' disappeared probably because some lonely loser liked the content. Kim and I also went to some Porn shops mostly out of curiosity and just to delve inside making the fat women buying dildoes and loser guys buying porn that somebody in there was getting some. We went Downtown to the Phoenix Science museum and along with grade-school kids we saw the little learning exibits. I think we corrupted their fragile little minds because we were kissing a lot. Our favorite part of that place had to be the Dancing Metal Mushrooms. We didn't even need acid to trip on those! they danced in choreographed steps as different types of music played. From techno, to rap to classical. July 4th: Outside of the Harkins Centerpoint. Her last day here Kim told me about the importance of wearing funny footwear, while wearing her yellow Dr. Seuss socks. I wore my "sexy boy" red velour boxers, which made my butt sweat like a fat man on his way to the fridge. We went home, i took a shower and we did the usual. Afterwards Adam called and asked why we hadn't shown up at the party Anthony invited us to. Later that night we drove to Frank's dead party taking Hayden rode we say the fireworks in north Scottsdale. We listened to the edge the only song I can remember is the LoFi Allstars' "Battleflag" on our way there. She said her goodbye's to Adam, Jerrett, Becky and Fuzzy-which was her main concern. Our 'last' time was interrupted by some piece of shit wetbacks. Who also kept me up fearing for my car July 5th, the morning she left. It was a restless night that finally ended at 5:00am as the alarm rang. We gathered our stuff and made our way to my car under overcast skies, next stop SkyHarbor. As we said our goodbye's a tear fell from her eye. Those two weeks were special, the mise-en-scene of her whole visit was filled with nostalgia and joy. I saw old friends and met new ones, for two weeks I experienced a "relationship" which is rare in and of itself. I also got to meet and get to fully know a person who took a chance on me. Nothing but words on a screen that became real. She may not be here now, or even again, but she will not be forgotten. |
relapse
[vignette]
[vignette]
[solipsism]
return
[grandma take me home]
reach
[write here, right now]
release
[The Headquaters]
[The Headquaters]