There is no question about it.  Everything in our society is aimed at
physical beauty and not what's inside a person.  Take Ludmilla
Kardonsky, for instance.  She wanted a man she could bring to her
 local Sizzler and have all the girls turn and envy her.  You can imagine
her surprise and shock when she finally met the fellow she'd been
 corresponding with on the Age Gap Relationship site,
 a page devoted to people looking for mates five years or more
their senior or junior.  Now Ludmilla is 36, but she has always been
attracted to younger men, especially muscular Poles like her father,
who had been an Olympic shot-put champion before he miscalculated
and hit himself in the head with one of his balls.
So she advertised for a Polish hunk in his 20s.  And
it's true that Zachariah Glinski was 24 and of Polish descent.
But a hunk he was not.   And not only girls turned when Zack
entered a Sizzler, everyone turned.  But I'll say this for Ludmilla.
It only took her a couple of months to discover that underneath that
forbidding exterior was a kind and gentle young man who was a
computer genius and who raised Chihuahuas.
 
 

Leave it to Bill Gates.  He is such a clever man.  He agreed to donate
twenty thousand free computers to the Republic of China provided
they refused to allow Netscape to ever set foot in their country.
This was the beginning of mainland Chinese dating sites on the Internet.
(I am told the only way you can get to them is through Internet
Explorer.)  Now I do not know Ma Shuyuan or Zhang Cuifeng.  As
a matter of fact I've no idea which is Ma and which is Zhang.
But I am informed this is one of the greatest Internet romances of all.
This beautiful couple found each other only a few months ago,
because they were both vegetarians and into fan dancing.
If they can ever reach Just Plain Pookie through IE, I want
to wish them both the best of everything.
 

I think everyone will agree with me when I say there is absolutely
nothing worse in our world than pedophilia.  And I'm sick to
death of all these supposed experts who say that once a pedophile
is put away and then released he goes back to his former perverted ways.
I am here to tell them: it is simply not so!  And to prove my point I
offer you Melvyn Eckerle.  Knowing that he had a basic instinct
for pubescent girls, he refused to give into it even though he had six
dog-eared copies of Lolita.    Instead he advertised
on the World Wide Hot Net Single Ads for a lady who was into
dressing up.  That's how he found Mercedes De Peutron.  On their
first date he took her to Teens 'R Us, a clothing store which
specialized in wardrobes for the Young Miss.  He bought her eight
outfits like the one above and six huge lollipops.  Mercedes thought
that the most original date she ever had.  And she loved raising her
voice an octave even if it did strain her vocal chords.  They're
engaged now, and though they haven't set a wedding date, she's
become so used to her frilly little dresses she even wears them
to the American Civil Liberties offices where she works in Richmond.