Well recently, I have enjoyed learning much about myself in response to pain. I have delved into such things before, blindly, but this time I had the opportunity to aquire knowledge from very experienced hands. I have confirmed, once again, that it is not the pain...never the actual *pain* that ever really hurts. It is my anticipation, my over-exaggerated rememberance of what pain feels like. But the pain of having my gall bladder removed (TMI?) is nothing like the pain of sensory overload...or indeed from what I've learned, from body piercing.

Yes, yours truly is now sporting a shiny new Labret piercing courtesy of The Alley in Chicago (ask for Scott, great guy!). I had been wanting one for some time because I had noticed that when decorating myself, I often included an Indian bindi and another jewel for my chin. I had decided I wanted something there permanantly. I can now, with pride, fend off the inevitable "does that hurt?" (a dumber question I have not heard)...and openly give nod to my spirituality which consistantly now be publically shown.

I also placed myself in the hands of some capable people who introduced me to a private BDSM organization. I was quite pleased (and suprised) by the amount of respect shown at this establishment, and plan to attend often in the future. I am still exploring how not to block out pain, but to face it as a part of my daily exsistance. To invite it in, on my own grounds, and seek clarity of understanding. I have often been impressed by the visions sought and achieved by Native Americans who endure the Sun ritual, or by those in India who cross the famous hot coals, accepting pain, but seeking to see what's beyond it. I feel that my time hallucinating or seeking alternative consciousness through artificial means has fallen by the wayside in favor of forcing my brain and body to supply it's own chemical connections. I have known what it is to discover I have endured welts, bruises, cuts, and the like..all without paying it much mind, but to discover it later. What I would like to do now, with guidence, is to pay some attention to what is being endured over time, and perhaps transcend it...see what's on the other side of my brain when my body has been broken. Sort of the austere ascetic in me I guess.

Well, I leave you now, off to my moonlit celebrations...hoping you are noticing this mood goddess Diana in her own respect..

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