To the crossroads of the world, to the beginning of creation, to the end of oblivion. To a place where all are welcome and all are frien ..Bla Bla bla bla, I use to think that way, I was very idealistic. I was a very open, giving and adapting person. By default of moving around so much (partly thanks to being in the military) caused me to adapt, to constantly change who I was based on what was needed at the time. I have been doing it almost my whole life, I've moved around a lot. Anyway, it worked well, I could go almost anywhere and do whatever was need at the time. I pick up information easily and I am able to use it quickly. I can fit in almost any where. Be almost any type of person that was needed. Hell, one of my running jokes is that I can go almost anywhere and someone will recognize as some body they know, it's very funny sometimes arguing with some of them that this was the first time I've been to that place and that they don't know me. But I digress. This worked fine for a long time, until the beginning of 2005, my world came falling apart. The things I though I knew and could trust, showed me otherwise. I gave so much and just ended up being betrayed and used. I found the places that even though I thought I fit in to, I just never really belonged there. I started to blame everyone I could, (started to, never actually got to it) but then I realized it was my own fault. I didn't actually know who I was anymore, I had adapted so much that the original me has gotten lost. Everyone I had dealt with over the past couple decades, had been for the most part an anchored person. They never really moved that much from the area they were born or they just lived in one place for long enough for it to be home to them. I on the other hand didn't have anyplace I could call home. I have been moving about every 2-3 years since as far back as I can remember, even when I lived in Maryland (longest 9 years) I moved around too much. Four different schools and three different homes, (partly due to my parent's divorce) in that state alone. Most kids grew-up with the same friends most their life, I never really kept friends long enough, I moved on and just wasn't able to keep in contact (except my friend Barry, but I'll explain that elsewhere.). I was never able to develop those life long bonds and memories. Ya, I have done a lot of things and had some good times and memories, but they have been all fragmented. I had missed out on a lot of things I wish I had a chance to do. Missed games , missed party's, missed dances, missed relationships, missed weddings, missed funerals. In moving so much I tried to do somethings at a slightly accelerated rate, due mainly to knowing I might not be around long enough to take my time. For some people it was hard to grasp, most thought I was just being a showoff and talking out my ass. Some people it intimidated them and others it scared, screwed up a lot of relationships that way. But it was how I had to live, I didn't want to live like that, I don't want to live like that.
So I've come to the realization that I need to find myself. So I decided to change this site, (that I've for over a decade now) from the helping other explore the world, to helping me find myself. I've done so much for others, now it's time for me to do something for myself. (I'll still be that generous helpful person, just not so much as I use to be.) So welcome to my life. My love and hates, my writing and memories, where I go and the lessons I've learned.
I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be . . .

- The Trickster-
"Seamus Dubh"

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