PAIN

I'm not really sure what it was that day

so long ago and so far away

I'm not sure if I even knew it then

or if it was something that just happened

I know the feeling

oh, I know it well

but I also know the reverse of that feeling

and what it's like to be in a living hell

I once knew what it was to be in love

and yes, I thank the Lord above

I heard it was better to have loved and lost

than never to have loved at all

but my oppinion differs

because I know both sides

I know what I once was

what I am now

and that which I will never be

There's still a part inside that wants me to be me

but that's impossible now

There's too much gone, somewhere, somehow

if it ever returns, I will return to what I once was

but for now, they will have to take what is

I don't know where I'm going

I do know where I've been

now I can spot mistakes made along the way

mistakes I will not make again

I've put away those feelings

and put a wall around them

maybe someone, someday will have a key

they will honestly want to know what and who I am

they will truly want to know me

perhaps that day will come

but for them to know, they will have to come inside

they must be honest and true

but how will I have a clue

will I drive them away with my unending arogance

will they know the majority is false

that someone I wait willingly for

that one who will enter my life

and cause me no grief or strife

people try to judge me

tell me what I do is wrong

but how can they know me, or what I am

until they've sung my song

they give me codes and morals to live by

that which from a child they have grown

even though many people in this world have the same beliefs

in the end, each must choose his own

so don't tell me I don't live up to your standards

I don't fall into your category, or I don't fit in with your crowd

I know that I live up to my own sometimes

that sometimes makes me proud

not an overbearing pride that can be seen in the eyes

but that little part of me that knows deep down inside

if I offend you with what I'm saying, I apologize

but I'm merely saying things

and I do keep an open mind

I'm not asking you for your opinion

I'm simply stating mine

I'm finding help with each little thing

as I write each of these little lines

I don't care if it's grammatically correct

I don't even care if it rhymes

it does fall into the form of a poem

and with me, that's just fine

each day that comes and goes

takes a little of me with it

I know I'm not what I was when you met me

I won't be the same at a later time

each part slips away

I don't notice until it's gone

but with each part there's a memory

that reaches in to fill the gap

everything sucumbs to entropy

if you notice I'm living in the past

and falling back a little at a time

you will know my body is an empty shell

like the empty cask of a fine wine

if that moment comes, I will be too far gone

to try to bring back any pieces

but don't worry, I've shut out the pain

I do sometimes feel I'm moving towards it

on a dead end speeding train

so if you judge me on what I do

what I say,who I see, or where I am

you will know you were just another grain of sand

in the hour glass that I was

it will never be full again

you can't turn it back

and you can't stop it

the best you can do, is sit by and idly watch it

as it slips away into those areas

that are neither black nor white

but are the medium number five shade of grey

if you learned anything from these words

then you are welcome to that knowledge

if you were offended, then I apologize

but remember, I wrote not for the pain of you

but rather that it may help me

sometimes I'm a strong man

sometimes I'm cold and scared

and sometimes, I cry

©1991 C.B. Ovard

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page