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A-Typical male's journal. |
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| Today was payday, so we did a little conspicuous consumption. |
Last night I got the check from my old work. I wasn't expecting it to come until the end of the month, so combined with today's first paycheck, I felt like I was rolling in it. Add to that that we were both a little depressed about Moose and Squirrel, and that at the same time we were high in love, and I think you get the explanation for our actions. As soon as I got my check, I gave Azura a call, and we made lunch plans. You know, go to the bank, cash check, and eat. We talked about some of the things we wanted to buy, but were putting off. SO I said to her, "There's a Toys-R-US right there, lets go." "Now?" she said. "Sure," I said, "we've got money." So we're now proud owners of a Sony Playstation. I got WingCommander III because it was cheap, and a PC game I knew about. Oh, and TombRaider(of course). And Azura picked out a game called "Croc" that was a mario-like platform game. The playstation cost me 30 dollars less than the last console game I bought. Just so you know, that was an Atari-200, and all I got with that was Combat. [chuggachuggachugga pow! wait. wait. wait. Booom] Not exactly a 3-D camera-movable, jumping, running,rotating TombRaider style game. It knocked my socks off. We alternated back and forth, playing the game, but I think I played more than Azura did. She insists she enjoys watching me play games, and it's one of the things we do. I dunno, I think it'd be somewhat boring, myself, but that's what she says. Around 10 or so, Moose and Squirrel called. They were ready to bring over the bookcase. I guess I thought they'd do it tomorrow, but they need to do it now. So they did. We had a tense moment, when we talked about them leaving. Squirrel is definitely going to Michigan now, not even staying close in High Point. She says she doesn't want to live with her parents, and I understand that. It's always stressful going home again. I know, I did it.
The one good thing is, Azura and I are talking about this. She sees me dealing with my sadness, which for the most part comes out as anger. I haven't done much except kick papers around (and not much of that). I sort of wonder to myself how deeply I fell for Squirrel. I'm sort of mad at myself about allowing myself to care so much. I know this is strange, me writing about caring about someone who's leaving, and at the same time, talking about getting married to Azura. My only answer to that is that I don't have complete control over my emotions. I do have control over my choices, and I choose Azura. She chose me. I care about both Azura and Squirrel. I know I love Azura. But do I love squirrel? No, not now. I might have come to love her, but I don't now. I've told Azura how I feel. I know she can accept it at face value, and may one day come to me with the same 'problem'. What we do with it then, I don't know, but it will be talked about. Or as I tell the people on #bisex who are having problems. There are only three things to keeping a relationship going, and sane. Communication, Communication, and Communication. Azura and I have that. That's how I know our marriage will work. Generic Joe's A Typical Male
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