Take the Affliction Test Today!

People who know me would laugh themselves blue. I had my slattern period at one time and while I never got this particular disease, I certainly had done things that would facillitate it. I think the worst thing I ever got was chlamydia when I was 19 and slept with this guy who'd apparently been porking anything in a skirt. When I informed him that he had a sexually transmitted disease which he had transmitted to me, he said something like,"No one else I've slept with seems to have it, and I don't have symptoms, so you must have gotten it elsewhere."

At the time, I had only one other partner, who was being monogamous with me and was quite aware of my interaction with his friend (can you say wild woman?), and of course, chlaymdia only has symptoms in some of its victims -- which both my other partner and I got. The infector would not be swayed, so I'm sure he went out and infected some new people, who also might not have had symptoms. I got off the phone, wishing him a oozing wang and painful peeing in the back of my mind.

Of course, this was before anyone really was discussing AIDS back in the early 80s. At that time, AIDS was a disease that only homosexual men and druggies got. As promiscuous as I was, and as infrequently as I used condoms, I was inordinately fortunate not to have contracted the disease. I justified my refusal to use condoms because I am allergic to rubber. Of course, I had the remarkable naivte and sense of invincibilty only teenagers have, when I was a wild woman in San Francisco at this time.

During this time, I had a lot of access to a lot of drugs of all types. I tried some of them experimentally. Well, I should be honest here and say that I did a lot of cocaine. I know that given the offer of cocaine right now, that the only thing that would stop me from touching the stuff is my husband and children. I love cocaine sufficiently to know that I can't touch the stuff again. Ever. For some reason, I thought if I injected a drug that I had crossed the line, so I never injected anything, thankfully. I also never free-based cocaine, which though I'd been told that the high was phenomenal, I somehow knew that if I free-based, I would never come back. In retrospect, my instincts were probably quite correct. I like speedier drugs a lot, but lately, I've even cut down on caffeine.

My behavior certainly merited all kinds of sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS and gonorrhea. I managed never to get any of those things. I got the occasional yeast infection and the occasional bacterial imbalance, but I was inordinately lucky.

When I got lucky, I really was lucky.

I think that fact is what has bolstered my relationship with God. I no longer believe that it was blind luck that got me through. I believe that in that dark time in my life when I skipped from abusive relationship to abusive relationship, that God protected me. I think I knew that on some level because I'd be out half the night drinking, dancing, and fucking, and at 730AM, I'd be in the very last pew in the back of the chapel, sobbing. I didn't know why I was there exactly at the time. I was not actually able to analyze that at the time. I never did take communion though because I thought someone like me didn't deserve that. It didn't occur to me that I might have needed that forgiveness more deeply than most of the little old ladies in there with me.

Thank God for each of my blessings -- my children, my husband, my family and in-laws. Thank God for my relative health and my good life. Thank God for giving me the good sense to ask my doctor to test me for diabetes. Thank God, I did that before I got pregnant with Genny. Thank God for the strength to adhere to my food plan as best I can and for helping me to do what's necessary to be healthy.

These blessings are why each Sunday in church, I often find myself near tears as I sing hymns or during prayers. I have done things that certainly make me less than worthy of the gifts of my life, and God has blessed me anyhow.

This Thanksgiving, I thank God I don't live in New York or Boston, where the grief and fear must be inconceivable. I thank God, my dad is a retired captain for American Airlines based out of Boston. I pray for the people who died, their families, and the nation. Thank God for such a great country to live in!

Thank you, God, for making me so unbearably "lucky."