Page 22

Page 22 "Struggle of Thoughts"
"Lost and Found"
"Read My Thoughts"

A silent melody of thoughts
Crossing the line into another world.
A world of hate, a world of despair.
The once quiet, peaceful thoughts
Are now stretched to their limits.
They are strained beyond belief,
The faith which was once seemingly unbreakable
Now flounders in the weeds of sin.
The pangs of a deep hunger for him
Are seemingly gone now.
The gaze has shifted elsewhere:
Onto trivial things and unimportant thoughts.
Things that when you get down to it;
They really don't matter.
I must learn to focus on him,
And see his light among the darkness of this world.

"Lost and Found"
2-22-98

The words are all mixed together,
Jumbled up and twisted inside.
The quiet peace of silent thoughts;
The silence is broken with a scream from within,
A shout, a cry for help; for the pain to be released.
The nights that started with tears
And ended with awaking to a nightmare.
The nightmare that never leaves,
A silent reminder of the past,
The door never closes,
It's like an open wound into the heart.
A lifetime of tears; a lifetime of regret.
A feeling of misery, of hopeless action.
Is the past behind me, or have things only begun?
Am I the face on this mask?
Are these actions defining who I am?
There are only questions, never any answers.
The thoughts of despair;
Of a forgotten soul in a land of happiness;
The thoughts of someone unknown to all.
Someone whose innermost thoughts
Are obscured by uncertainty;
Disguised by an utmost desire to be someone else.
To be someone completely different;
To start over;
To have a new life;
To be born again.
The answers are there at my grasp;
The words have always been there.
The compassion, the friendship, the love:
They have survived through everything I've done;
All my regrets, all my sins; they mean nothing now.
Something new has begun.
Somewhere between the tears and the cries of help,
Someone was listening.
Someone felt my need for love,
They fed the flame in my heart.
They gave love that I had never experienced before.
It was something completely new; a rebirth of my soul.
He broke my soul as he did his son,
And he healed me invariably with his everlasting love;
He changed me into the person I am today.

"Read My Thoughts"
3-3-98

Listen to my heart; listen to my soul;
Read my thoughts; ponder over my words.
I pour out my emotions onto paper
So that you may read and understand
What it is like to be me.
Can you really comprehend
All of my muddled thoughts?
I struggle with the same thoughts everyday:
The feelings of doubt, and eternal loneliness;
And the desire to be someone else.
My one goal is that you will be able to see
Everything that goes behind the mask I use.
I've given you the words,
I ask that you will read.
There's an open door in front of you,
Join me and step through.

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