Saturday Sept 6, 1986
3:15 PM
Highlands. After thirty years of seeing that flat faced mountain, I've finally been on top of it. I've walked across the crest of that rocking flat top, I've stood on the edge of heights, I've found another young people's, late night gathering place. I've stood on the highest balcony ever out in the wild and watch below a hang glider riding the whims of wind, I've heard the sound of wind whistle throught the feathers of a bird in flight. I've slowed down to stop and see what it is I've drove by before.
So this is vacation time. Fifty buck a night, the paused for thought. how much can I get out of this guy? But why should I care, Time off is going to cost.
Yes the top of Whiteside is what it shuold be - inaccessible except for the young. Can you imagine the sight of stars, sitting on the edge of darkness in starlight, with a slight sense of a 'high' to go with the height. Wonder if there are any others - not so advertized places around?
So what do I do tonight? Go to the ALien movie, playhhouse (or they playing?) Hotel room TV.
Sunday Sept 7, 1986
7:35 PM
Chattanooga. Wendy's on 64. It's a big city place with twisted, crisscrossed streets. Couldnt even tell how to get downtown and when I did the first recognizable part of Downtown Chatta is Union Gospell Mission, just around the corner from the boarded up Grand Hotel, just across the street from Union Station. Now a richy Conrad-Hilton hotel. Big City Blues. Tired and depressing it was not knowing which vway to go - where to stop - is it safe here or there? Do they hate SC whites in a jeep? doe they think I'm a redneck? Even when I went back early evening, I was where if I should taop - just to sense Chatta sttreets beneath my sneakers. the phones, pay phones - at the mall did work, jsut after I got Ralph on the phone. Was he annoyed? -1- Mallie boy leaning against a phone -1-
This evening I saw a 'Kid" a real 'Kid Look' nineteen or twenty - he was a security guard, guarding an old building or was it new construction. He looked so lonely and verniable sitting out back beside the street.
9:20 same day, same date
Airport Inn. Post Scriptum to HIGHLAND. Highland Inn, Historic since 1880. Two rooms, no three rooms high. Highland Inn, White lattice work with white clap board. Second stroy balcony with outside benches. Outside, sidewalk rocker done up in black. --- There's parking down the middle of Main Street. --- If one is made of wood, then of course this other should be brick. It's a corner Hotel with courtyuard on one side. It has balconiess too with chairs and benches. It's highter too, but only because it's on the high side of the street. Looks like Old Edmonds from here but is wasnt, it was Edwards.
There's a smell of rain in the wind - I can se dark clouds behind me - that's where the wind came from too. And of course theres rock here - I saw people moving around on it - I think it has a nice view of the city. (Later) It was more a view of the west. I went up there and watched the sunset. It was dusky dark coming back down. Of course the kids play there - I think - lots of glass. While driving around looking for the way up - I saw a kid sitting in his car next to the school - went by him 3 or 4 times.
Monday Sep 8, 1986
9:00 PM
Atlanta. It sucks too.
Tuesday Sep 9, 1986
8:30 morn
Athens. University of Georgia, Athens Campus. Maybe it's a block size university, in the middle of town. jsut like Univerity of Tennessee, chatta and Univr of Georgia Atlanta, Georgia and all the others I've seen the last two days. -- Its cold this mornig too, but Im riding with wind anyway. - I wonder if most of the students live off campusm I dont see any sign of dorms ==I've noticed - on the road and dere - my jeep turns a lead.== Helped a young man whose care ran out of gas - the second nonworking gas guage in two days. == Noticed the upstairs balcony so thought I'd come up for a looksee at city streets an campus grounds throught column tops (crowns).
Walk out on to the street and saw how really big this campus is, a map showing bus routes - Probably as bis as Clemson (Central) with teh spaces between building removed. And this is the Universtiy of Georgia - not just Athens Campus.
11:45 same day, same date
Elijah Clark State Park. Nice place, well kept, spread out, flat, campfires, however, no sense of young people gathering least not rebel youth. It's not as old as Table Rock but older than Keowee, like about early fiffty. So that's where I'm oat. It's starying cloudy and cool. Im goint to break down and put the doora back on. Im getting taht lonely, not accomplishing anything feeling again, Atlanta did it to me - big unorganized city. It was much better in Chatta & Alabama.
6:00 same day, same date
Columbia. Went to USC campus this afternoon, another mid city Uni. == It's Godfather Pizza & Beer night. St Elmo's Fire a post grad theme song. -- University of South Carolina sis behind the State House, on the hillside, surrounded by city life. USE has a sidewalk in the sky, well may not that high, but it's above the streets and it runs the lenght of the campus. The Greeks, I guess, they were the Greeks, have a real courtyard with trees and benches and chairs. {1801 was when it started, it was 1895 circ for Clemson. And 178? for UoG} The beer is settling in, and thougths are vaguely rememberd - did I think taht just now or what was that thought I just had? = Now it's "If I could save Time in a bottle" this must be oldies night - But then I would only recognize "familar tunes" Are they Punker's oor not? --- pause --- who ever they are, they are going to preempt the soft oldies with 'Junk-Box-Tunes'.
With that close cropped hair around the ears, he has to be a soldier boy, ex punker, anti-military soldier, he's drinking beer so that makes him twenty or more. - the thought "whatever it take to get the girls turn on toe m" jsut ran throught my mind in relation to the punker - soldier - boy. ===Twenty four hours ago I was in Atlanta (almost), forty-eight, it was Chattanooga, seventy-two it was Highlands. Life moves on === At last I saw poor beer faster than him - they msut have smoked some before, here and now === Just a note to remember evetns as they happen - I think the guy, who just walked in and got a comment card as he left thean a miniute late, was pissed off for some reason or other. -- He, the pundker - soldier, has a hyper leg, it keeps bouncing sort of like Freddy's,=== Here I'm engrossed in the happenings at the immediates. Happenig whiech surround me - Iv'e loast that USC-Columbia feeling, but maybe in my 'stewed' condiditon I've become a part of it. -- pause -- I loked back and didnt see, the 'stewed' slang came from a group of youth as the left Wendy's in Chatta. That was the reason for getting a slang dicitionary.
They guys who got the commetn card jsut return with his friends. What's the deal going down. I've finishe my food, so I'll jsut sit for a while then leave. At leat long enough to see that nothing is going to happen. Looks like it was a pickup that wasnt ready.
Wednesday Sept 10, 1986
2:15 PM
Myrtle Beach. Bad news, found a cut on left front and a rack on left rear tires. It dont look all that bad but I'll worry so mucha bout a breakdown taht I wont enjoy the driving. so I guess, it's take it back to the barn now. Maybe a few extra days here wouldnt hurt, if I can manage the loneliness.
Thursday Sep 11, 1986
7:20 AM
Myrtle Beach. Washed clothes and washed the jeep yesterday afternoon. Washed the jeep at the regular carwash and then drove around the block to find some shade where I wiped it dry and did the vynal/tires and chrome. It was a little like a teenager feeling, doing that beside the rode and hearing / watching traffic go by. It was probably my imagination, wishfull thinking, but I thought I saw the same car and blond lady driver drive by three or four times. Cruisied the jeep up and down the drag twice and then went to a 7-11 store to get some drinks. When I cam out these two guys were coming in, one said, 'Thats a good looking jeep" "Thank you." So people donotice the jeep. It's pretty much thesame here - new stuff along with the familiar. Marvins msut be doing well, he has a place on the drag now. And I saw a new ride too, gyroscoope and it really is too. You sit inthe center and they crank it up, jsut like in the space training sessions.
So here it is, or ist, here I am, sitting across from the Pavilion on an early psot season weekday morning. Saturday was Whiteside and Highlands, Sunday ws Northern Georgia and Chattanooga, Monday was Alamba, Rome and Atlanta, Thursday was USC and Columbia and Yesterday & today Myrtle Beach. Traveled all that distance and I'm glad I did, not athat I've been to LA or even Robbies, but I have been places I've not been before.
Lidke the Bridge over Tennessee, Tennessee River Vally, Rome, rush hour Atlanta, USC campus and points 'twixt and 'tween. The sun's jsut crested teh roof of the pavilon so it's going to be hot & sweaty sooon, unless I find other shade. It's confusing trying to write in two places at once. If this journal and notes fro prose. Which thoughts should go where? like the Kid I jsut saw, walking the streets with his paper bag. Should that have gone in here or in a poem or both?
My min's started to drift again -- remember 'the' sun burn back in '61, remember the feelign of not belonging, thinking the possiblity of 'my' kids hanging out at Myrtle Beach. And the sun gets hotter, hotter, hotter still. If I ould have had a tan and beter physique and wear shorts.
[Walk up the street, turn rigth to Marvins and back down the boardwalk.] They've cut a pedestrian tunnel between here and the drag, sort of like a mini mall open on each end. It has novelity shops but I would like to think that it is gathering place for some of the street people. [walk some more.] ====>I think the 'teens & beach' feeling died last year. <===
God, I hope not! Maybe it's just an "old man's" memory now.
There walked the kid with his paper bag again. [walke & paused near the kite place] The kid is still wandering around, Inotice him, does he notice me, Is he trying to be noticed? He parked his bad and is going up the beach, on the beach now.
12:35 same day same date
Teh same thing happened last year, at least the same type of thing. There's this other guy who camps out on the corner wher you first come to the beach. I thnk he's a real street person - he's also trying to turn trhicks, at least it seems that way with me. He yelled at me when I drove by while ago. Remember last year, that old man kept eyeing me till I stared at a woman across the street. Remmeber how I thought why couldnt the women eye me like that. i wonder what is is about me taht attracts their eyes but not women's eyes? Do they see that I'm not attractive to women so they think I'm an easy mark? Or is it that they think I'm gay and they watn to be my mark? Even teh hookers dont hit on me, and even if they did I wouldnt pay for sex.
So it's early afternoon of the first full day, and the lonesome holiday blues are here. I've almost decided to go on home even though the tires might be alright -- the cut and crack have probably always bee there. It's jsut that I dont want to drive and be in a croad when I get to whereever the next stop would be. ===Iwonder where he is from, the kid in the blue trunks. He spent a lot of time cleanign the sand out of his pockets, and then he hesitated about sitting on his towel -- is it his first time at the beach, is he from Canada, is he part of a family group, is he alone? He did not want to go into the waves either and he checks on the progress of his tan. He glances at the women in swimwear, then looks away, ishe wondering - why not me? too. The women get 'gressed' with their pullover wear, in view of all - does it do anything for the men to watch/ He's laid back now, maybe he has one less inhibition within his spirit now. Then again he sitting up, picking at bits of sand, no just a rollover for backside radiation. ==== Wave, wave, and more waves -- maybe twenty per minute, minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, night after night, month after month, season after season, year after year, ad infinitum. And still there's wave after wave, sand and duens and trees will come ang go, but hter will always be waves. ====
The tourist people are crowding in, I wonder if they've crowded out the local street people? The local employees are there tendign business, but where do the street people go in the afternoon? and late night? I've seen them here in the evening and late mornings, afterwards, but where do they go 'twixt and 'tween?
=== The blue trunk kids is getting use to the sand, he has it on his legsb ut doenst seem to care. Is he thinkig "it's going to happen so let it." Here comes anothe loner but neither look as if they have to be. All they have to do is snap Fonz fingers and the women will flock around. ===
1:25
Marvin's again. Thought as well have one of these $1.10 ten ounze draft to help pay for the new place. I wonder what became of the napkin poem I wrote and left in '82? Thrown away - it wasnt good enoght to keep and the medium was throw away material anyway. -- I want a NEW DRUG playing on the juke box. Rally, I want fresh, new, orginal, meaniful, youth phrased thoughts and words -- I want to be ahaead of the stree - tv - crosshatch generator loop. I dont know what the kids are thinking, I cant sense what they feel, so how can I write yourth phrased thougths? The beach is fro the youth - onley the old tiems where remember things youth here so it's the same theing. And if I have neither I can not write thier feelings. -- it's sortoflike the video games - the imaging is superior thatn last year and it's another world all together fromthe pinball machines. ===>inside a fish bowl, looking out at the world, watching people looking inside each thinking the other world were interesting. <===
A cloud jsut cover the sun - I'll have to head back to batton down the jeep. I think I've had the fish bowl thought before anyway.
===Did the boy and girl do the classical beach meet - meeting each other by surf and swim - or did they already know each other? They're not touching so I think it was a beach meet. ===
[walk back toward Pavilon] This one really is a teenage, he ws sitting up and tossing shells and things at what must have been a crab. It made him smile to play this little incidental game of tag. It's good to see kids alone and still see them happey. OF course maybe he's also eyeing the black bikinni clad women a good stone throw toss down the beach. And then their just one dude with two women playing in the surf.
2:15 or so
Upper deck Pavilion -- The guy with the bag is sitting jsut two benches to the right and the corner guy is in front of Ripleys. It's jsut like I think - I've got th easy mark look about me - the question is what can I do about it. - There's a storm brewing , he's left - the bag guy, he's walkig down the street away from here - the corner guy is not there anymore eithef, he's headed the same way as the bag guy. Maybe they sense the storm and are headed for shelter.
5:20
MrSubs off the intersetion. The DJ said, 'sometime you have five Mondays druing the week, today alone "ive had five Mondays. Went and padi $1.00 / gal for gas and looked for a sub place to eat. Not really suppsoe to eat but if I drink seventy-five cent beer I'd better eat first - of courst byt he tiem I finsih eating it'll be only tow or so - it really is a large sub -- I'll probably not get to drink any ==> there was a packer in Chatta, A young man and women jsut walked past Mamma's Resturant, they look to be headed up 501. Maybe they came from Arrowhead, or Apache, or some such as that - I wonder where htey are headed next - and i wonder if anyone still does packing, I know I cant - that stuff is for the youth.
6:10 or so
Marvins again. I guess that what I get for believing what I read. Happy hour from four to eight, indeed -- it's jsut a hook ot catch fish with. I was thinking about writing 'pairs' on the beach again, but there's still a touch of inhibitions lurking within. Shades on a string havent they been here before?
6:50
Upper deck Pavilion. Got here jsut in time to see the Ohio jeep cruise up drag. No, I did not write in the sand eithe. What's the point, deep down it's just to attract attention, nothing more. And it dont' look good for late thirty to attrct attention like he was nineteen. Us old men should only watch the youth have fun and ponder why it wasn't that way with us. There's a new kid dancing with the kites tonight, I thought it was one of the regulars last night but what if they've sold out? == Look like a rought looking band moving in th play woodnickel, is that place suppsoe to be a MyrtleBeach Brookside? One good thing tonight, the clouds have left, the quarter moon is somewher I dont know if it's going up or coming down, but it is out tonight along with some of the brighter stars. The Wooden Nicke & bikers & the weekends after labor day (last weekend) maybe they are ocming back(or jsut coming) this weekend too. I've seen tow or three jeeps today now, wonder if they'll be more of them too since i've got my here and it's been seen?
Looks like the Organ has drawn a crow, seats are full and others standing about. I think I should pay more attention to what's going down thatn what's rambling through my mind.
Later
Next to Bowers. I hear music coming from within that wasll which so proudly proclaims to be the home of Alabama fro 72 to 80. Idont know what bad it's home to now but I doubt if I'll go in. I can hear well enough where I'm at. I think there's another one trying to catch my eye, he looks to be a late teen/early twenty boy. He works for the Pavilion (I wonder if they call it the "Company") So what's on yuor mind kid? What dont you jsut come out and say it. Tell me what you what from me? I can not read minds, and I no longer trust my own to read the signs for what they really mean. == I take your move to mean your break is over == Do I take all o fyou to mean another bad rumor has gone around? God I hope not. I'm a loner aso let me be, I've never done gay, and I never will - If I cant have women, I'll do without, your see?
Now there's two women where the boy sat. The boy and I did make eye contact.
Later still
Pool side: Now what was it that I was going to write? About the last kdi? why is it happeing? Do I have a sign around my neck? Now I remember: It's enougth to know that here is music coming from within the wall, let it drift out throw the door let it entice peopel to come in. Makes no diff to me that I cant get in. [long pause] A genuine punker walking south, I dont recall seeing one before, not on this town. I know there' one around Pickens, but Chata & Atlanta & Columbia -- not one sign of punkers.
Friday Sept 12, 1986
8:15 AM
Myrtle Beach, next to Pavilon beach. Bad case of indicision was suppose to pack and leave this mornig but I cant seem to sense which way to go. I want to hang out here to see what happens, I want to se how VaB has changes, I liked what I saw in the Tennessee River Valley, I'm tired of traveling with no sense of accomplishemtn, and I want to have been as many places as possible this week and next. Maybe the best plan is to go home regroup, then head out again. But if I really was a road person, I wouldnt have a home to go regroup at.
Ive wrote almost ten pages at MB and only five everywhere else. OF course this is the longest Iv'e stayed in one place. But it seems like I should recorded more about the new place than the old
The Bridge over Tennessee River. It is the old bridge, the high, coper gree, narrow one; about twenty or thirty miles wst of Chattanooga; the one what carries US64. You would think the river was wide but then you have to remember that it's been dammed up like most of the other major rivers, so it's really a bridge over a lake and not a river. It is impressive though, old style design and beauty -- an air of history about it. I think maybe the natural cliffs had a lot to do with it. Rows, no layers of rock mixed with trees and shrubs, rising fromthe waters edge. Most of the ini mountains ware like that in the tennesse river valley. Long flat top ridge with layers of rock along the upper parts. So you see, water and trees and rocks and mountains and one man made old style bridge. Those are the pretty parts, there's also some 'ugly' parts. Like the island of barrages and the steam plant build up out of th lake, a real buildign rising out of the water. And off in the distance some man made cliffs where he ha scarred the mountains to get the rocks to build the dam and building. It'll never be the same again. Then down stream, there'st this new, slick, multiland bridge carring one of the snake like interstates over the waters. Enougth said about that one, back to the stately elder structure, a cantilever beam and girder construction with a long uphill approach when goin west but no so long down on the other side, the west side bank is much higher than the east side because the mountain and cliffs are on the west side. It's also the old narrow ten foot lanes too becasue the widest cars and trucks when it was built were the As and Ts. It's can be down right tensing to meet a modern semitractor on that bridge. There's not sidealks either, so the Zen of walking across it is out of the question.
Whiteside Mountain
For thirty soem odd year I've known of and seen this squared face mountain. Even drive past where you turn to go to the top. But for some reason or other I've jsut never made the connection to get to the top. But this time is was different. After all the purpose of the tour is to stop and look and listen. So I stopped at the road side overlod, then started on up the road, but not too far, just around the curve it the road. Whiteside Mountain Road. So I turned around and went up that road. It lead to a State/National park area, developed so tath mroe people would know where to go, though they didnt advertize it by the road. Anyway on to the top. There's this old, old road around the east side that's the way people use to go, so I went. Whiteside by the way is a long table top type with three or four hundred rock race on the south side, the road and houses are on the nort side. So at the end of the old over grown, washed out raod is a clear out space at the east end of the cliff tops. They've, the forset people, put a baclony and rails along the top beside the paths. And it really is a ZEN to walk across taht path, stepping out occassionally to be at the edge of cliffs. About two thirds of the way there's this hig pitchers mound of a rock. It has 4930 FT cut into it. It's a very old cut, much rain and wind smoothing of the edges - probably done when the orginal survey ws doen. So you get to stand at a point once measured by surveyors who traveld by horseback. But you're not at the end yet, the kids gathering palce is where the path goes back into the woods. It is a wooded, grasin area with old campfire coals and a side path that goes out onto the cliffs again. I can only imagine the Zen of smoking and drinking jsut enough to accent the high of sittig at the edge of space, or is it darkness at night? There's one thing more, no probably more than that, but I msut tell yuo that you can hear the whistling of the wind through birds feathers in flight. They dart around just over head flying from low trees out over the edge of the cliffs. When they sip past you can lear the rush of wind throught thier feathers. I'll just make note of one mor thing -- people hang glide around this mountain, you can stand at the balcony and watch, either straight ahead or far below, hang gliders experiencing the Zenest Zen of mortal life.
10:00 same day same date
Upper deck Pavilon. I havent seen either of the guys, corner or bag, this morning. Maybe they're finally given up and will leave me alone. If I dont see them again, I'll have to suspect the whole thing was a setup, just the hard part will be guessing by whom and for what purpose.
>>>> I've seen the sign before, but did I ever really notice it: The Castaways, Home Church of Rock & Roll, Coastal Mission.
11:30 I guess
Drove down to Murrills Inlet to see the marshlands, and the fancy eating places. End up cruising Surfside too -- the homes end is privately guarded now, out where the last few houses stop and the last of the dunes stand alone. Did pick up a semi-punker I guess, maybe he jsut had errings like alf the other young kids do. So that was my ride for the day. Still not sure which way to head next, maybe orth, but maybe that feeling is only because I've got till morrow morn to change my mind.
Still no sign of the two guys -- I thought maybe I saw a middle aged queer, the same I saw last year, I thougth maybe that "they" have a pecking order, prime days belong to the old times. One thing for sure -- I'll arrange to die before I end up like any of those duds! Even the fat/skin old man laying on the beach like they were young studs, or that short stocky man three years ago making an ass of himself chasing the yuong girls. Yes Sir! I'll have myself killed before I do that scene!
2:25 I was off a while ago
You know there's more than one young dude cruising the drag, mid afternoon. Can they have a similar circumstance as mine. They're good looking too.
Bleached blond dude, in white with white pants legs rooled knee hig -- a skateboarding dudde in white Jam Joe hat -- I saw him last night boarding past BonVillia I think it was purple and black and whte then -- barefoot boarding too. Is that suppose to be the Cal-LA look?
AirForce dudes on a pair of new profile motorcycles that leaning int the wind style. Then there's the slim ddud on the long chopper -- def non military.
2:55
School out I think -- just saw a bus go by and guess what - that kid i saw on the phone at the foot of the stairs, the one I thought might be calling home, making a deal or something. Well he and a buddy jsut ran down the bus, "Make him stop the bus!" thats what he said so they caught up with it and go on. And the kids on this side of the bus were hollering at anothe kid on a bike headed north -- Go home they said. Yes, it Friday afternoon and school's out!
The hats are from "CrossRoads".
LATER
There's not much action goin on tis afternoon. I would have thought the late crowd would be here htis day. Maybe it's still too early.
Friday Sep 12, 1986
6:10 PM
Concrete Walk just aruond the corner from the Bowery. Found another packer. This one's sleepign on the bench. Well I guess when you got to go -- you got to go. The kid's got no inhibitions at all, he jsut stood up against the rail and pissed on the world. When you've been on the rad, you learn to take your chances. Nothing can be done, so lay back down and go to sleep. Of course the middle class what saw him may fink on him. he's not quite woke uip yet, thinkg what's goin to be the next move. Find the crash pad for the night. He wasnt her earlier unless he was unconscious on the beach. Make a guess at twentyfive and wonder if I could have handled a road trip. What kind of basic survial skills does one need for a road trip? That old man is cruising interference betwixt the kid and me. Does he wonder too, why he didnt do a trip, or is he a dirty sexing old man like can I start at your bad kid? Makes little diff now, the kid walk up bowery way. It wasnt really a back pack and the man was waiting on his wife. Where do they com from, where do they go, how do they survive, are they more "friends" out on the road than "nonfriends"? He was sitting in the doorway between bowery and the othe place, "have yuo got a smoke," "I need a light, too" It's time for supper, a hotdog maybe. "ive got ot learn how to let go, both of following (spying on) them and loosenig up myself. Eliminate my own inhibitions. But how can I, I'm always wondering where are they now - what are they doing - their experiences I want, but nto the real hazzles.
7:15 same day same date same place
The packers finished supper and is on one of the benches next to the kite place -- by the way, the remaining regular kite dancer is working tonight. So what the deal with the packer, I said I could let go. Is it sleep on benches till midnight, then walk the streets all night to avoid the law, or is it walk down the road to the next place? What if he's a local play acting, I think not, he would have a tan, yes? there's an elderly couple sitting ont eh bench back of his, I knwo she knows hes ther, But what does she think -- a bum on the street? What about their life's road, Perhaps a lot more conservative,more consistent, and longer, but is it no less adventurious? And look at the other benches, man ot another person down there less than fiftyfive. Count them, twenty times fiftyfive -- thats a thousand years of life's experiences. Can you get a grip on that? A thousand years of LIFE! She msut not have like him so clsoe, the ladies moved on and then they moved. And jsut now a rent-a-cop told him to sit up.
I want to go talk with him so bad but whith my inhibitions I cant. He's noticed by what I would guess to be local youth. Do they want to be like him?
He's asking for trouble, he laid back down. Maybe she didnt object, maybe they jsut wanted to move closer to the front (they moved again). You're nothing but a coward, a standyb and watch and dont get involved -- the cop is back. is he too hot-tempered for me to handled, would he hve accepted my help. He's beign escorted off the premises - people are watching.
8:45
Well he's off on the beach now I guess, so like everything esle in my life, opportunity slipped by into the unknown. So would he hve accepted help or has the way life's, road life's, treated him made him bitter? Maybe that's the key to the whole mess.
HAS THE WAY LIFE TREATED HIM MADE HIM BITTER, AND, WOULD IT HAVE MADE ME THE SAME?
[pause] High Schoolers, PRE teens, and airforce stud. still make noise so they can hear themselves.
So whats going down in Chattanooga, Tenneessee. The first ral thing I saw downtown was on Market St. Union Gospell Mission with elder street people sitting on the window stoop. That was about mid afternoon or so I guess. And around the corner was a boarded up Grand Hotel where they lived no doubt. And across the street at the opposite end of the world was Chattanoogo Choo Choo COnrad - Hilton Hotel, the classest place in town. It's the same way in the bussiness district there's this really high rise, hig finance, impressive looking palace. The streets run thru parts of the building, or is part of the building are over the streets. Either way it covers two and three blocks. And jsut arund the corner is a rundown bussiness, going under. At one of these old building, it was fenced in, there was this 'kid' and I mean an eighteen to twenty year old, guarding the place. He looked so verniable sitting out back on that pile of rubble, risking his life guarding what, for waht? to feed and hosue a wife and kdid? of course, the city officals are revitalizing the city but somehow it seems the rich get more than their share there's the universtiy of Tennessee near Downtown, and Railroad tracks. They're built bridges across Railroad tracks the same way they do across wide rivers. And there's this Ridge what runs through town, Missionary Ridge. Anmd to get to the old town you go through the tunnels.
Saturday Sep 13, 1986
7:40 AM PM
Where the packer was lst night. I think it's goig to be one of the things I'll worry over for a long time. Why didnt I do something? I'd like to be a 'frinds' but my inhibitions make me a 'nonfriend'. I still dont know which why to go, it's too early to go back home and too far to go north. Maybe it's back over to TRV.
The movie "StandByME" comes to mind, the one about the four boys on an adventure, the scene * saw was them crossing a tressle, with a train coming. One was scared of heights, two ran ahead, the other encourage his friend, along with others -- "Get up and move your fat ass!" Is it only in storybooks that such things happen?
Wher is he now? Did he make it through another nigth?
6:30 same day same date
Washing clothes. Rode up and down the Blvd three or four times, then headed to Conway. Saw the sign 501 and thought of Levi 501 Blues so I went that way. Just past the intersection I pick up Kenny with the duffle bag. He had been visiting his brother in Myrtle Beach and was headed back to Columbia where he works. He orginally is from Nashville. ==Listening to Parrie Home Companion== We talked very little - noisey - told him about thinking of goin to VB and he wanted to go. Told him about cruising around, said he wish he could go too. I thought about bringing him home to show him Whitewater, Whiteside, and other places. So I took him to his home and left, another "what if I had done otherwise."
Drove through Newberry & Joann, saw the Opra house, the one where Henry worked as a young man.
Ihad this downer feelign when i walked into the house -- like the worry weights were immediately put back on me. Carefree time is over back to the mental grindstone. ....
[Pause] Later at Pizza Inn. These upper middle age man came walking up to the jeep, jsut as PHC was finishing a story. He had jsut gotten out of jaail, on bad checks. picked up at Clemson and needign a ride back to Wahalla. Said he'll pay for gas -- hint hint. But I've got clothes washing and food to eat and sorrows to drown and I've just got back from Myrtle Beach --- Give me a break!
How many more stories have I got to wrtie about this town? Cave over T.R., Alabama Park, Overlooks in NC & Alabama, Rome and Atlanta and Athens and USC. I've got to mark my maps too.
Monday Sep 15, 1986
2:30 PM
Washing clothes. Myrtle Beach again. When you cant make up your mind to go somewhere different - I guess go back and stat all over again. This isnt trouble free either- the deorderant can got pushed on and so the first thing I have to do is was clother and get ripped off for a 3 oz can of new deorderatn. The other thing is that Yatchmean starts at %50 and the Holiday Inn (independant) for $35 so is going to be expensive this time around. Left my pants on the floor while showering and a bug crawled into them. Didnt find ourt till I'm driving down the road to wash clothes. I odnt know why I cant get situarted. Still thinking of wher Im not and feeling lonely. What would I be doing different anyway. Riding over in Tennessee looking for a place to sleep? Be alone there too.
Maybe after I eat, I'll feel better. Skipped breakfast & lunch today. If I had Debbie with me.
4:30 PM
On the benches back of Pavilion. The place is sparsely populated. Could be because of the wind, or Monday afternoon, or late afternoon. But whatever the reason they arent here. Theymsut allow surfing between the pears now, off season I guess. There's one out in the high surf and I saw a sail surfer trying to get in up down in front of Holiday Inn. Young & healthy looking - moving with the waves & wind. but wait, I'm suppose to write about mountain things.
Overlooks. Somewhere between Highlands and Dalton. there's this palce where you can see multitudes of hills, mountain, and million of trees, there are very familar places, like Whitewater Falls, Horsepasture River, the road to Chattago, Jocassee Laake and other places. This si lide a valley scene, more so this than the Blue Ridge parkway overlooks which are mountain, hazy mountains. [Are they here to watch the sufer or the surf? They didnt stay long anyway.] Maybe there's hill folk homes and small church communities hidden away out ther too. This Blue Vallye overlook is nice too -- wooden two rail fence between mounts of stone, with old trees provide some morning shade. There's a littl ebit of gras around too.
This second overlood was a real Valley Scene, Dalton Valley I guess. It had a more roadside feel and mood. It also had a car parked there like it had been all night. The drivers side seat was reclined that was enought to announce someone's here. Before I left she woke up and sat up and looke at me. i felt like maybe she and her man had a fight last night so she left. But that was only a feeling and guess, perhaps a scar of life to go with the scared up mountain across the way where rock is beign quarried. Jsut like a gain took a big scoop out of the side of the mountain.
The third one is down in Alabama -- between Ahadsden and some where east. This one kind of sneaks up on you because you're drive down an old freeway where you dont expect to finds a view. But it is there, sitting up on a hill top overlooking a hilly valley, the kind where you expect towns, and cities to be. It looks southeast, Atlanta is hidden behind a ridge so you can almost see where you're going but not where you've been. You can kind of see where you might like to go, like Montgurmey 7 Brimmingham. But that'll have to be some other time.
5:15
McDs. I knew I'm going to forget ths before i get it wrote down about the pakcer Friday night. I think one of life's major pleasures' when out of the road like that is waking up sitting up on the bench still half a sleep and combing your hair. What would go through a persons mind at those times. -- Remembering other place and other times -- the bench and mornings of some town long ago? Or are the thoughts of home and why am I on the road? Maybe it's the last bit of personal respect -- it's ok to comb your hear in public, but not so to piss on the world. [pause] I just remember reading in the news a month or so agoe, about a crash pad in the Myrtle Beach area. Maybe I should look it up. But why? Maybe he really was looking for trouble - to get in jail so he could rest.
5:50
Upper deck. take note taht the other orginal kite dancer is back this week. msut have been on vacation last week. That brings upa question, where ode sone vacate to, from Myrtle Beach? It's almost seven o'clock their time and still it looks under populated. Where have they all gone to. I do think made or rolling traffic is picking up but thats quiting time for most of them, I guess.
Atlanta. Like I wrote before, it sucks. Get there at evening rush, reckless fast moving belt traffic. the city keeps trying to build improve part but construction constricts and they're never finished. Drove pass Stone Mtn, drove out twenty mile and still no place to stay. Went back to about nine miles out and crashed at a usedtobe good place now worn down trucker stop. Mad a late evening attempt to go into the city but the road work goes on at night too. Truely unbelievable. I gave up and ent back to Parkway. I think maybe I was closer earlier in the afternoon. So I spend the night on the outskirts of Atlanta, east of Decatur. At lest it was nice to get up and walk to Shoneys to eat breakfast. A faitn, weak sencse of being a part of Atlanta. Maybe the thing to do is to make it a bus trip to the city. === [pause] sunset through teh corkscrew ride. Slowly but surly I think the off season crowd is coming out. === It was a cool morning leaving Atlanta, if opportunity had presented itself, I would have pissed on it before I got too far out. Some time before LeesBurg, I think, I pick up a kid who had jsut ran his car out of gas.
8:10
On Boardwalk where packer pissed. Called Randy, jsut to talk with him, jsut ot talk with anyone, jsut to be talking from street of Mrytle beach. Told him where I had been and that Ihad tried calling before. he siad they, he and Shellia may come down this weekend. It looks like a full moon comng up the next three days. A full moon, Beach, and mostly couples. No other loners liek me. I'm wearing my hat tonight, jsut to old a little more of John Lennon look. And to keep my hair from blowing all over the place. [I wonder if those people ever find enough money to pay for the machines?] Skateboarding makeing a big comeback. Must be due to the tv commercials. There's still some magic about frezbie and skateboarding. They've been around since a long time ago by fad times. [crippled old man, has it been too much to drink or is it the pain?] Humanity make me uneasy.
8:25
upper deck. On USC campus. It has a sidewalk in the sky. It has a hillside setting. It has old, old building. It has "state" building up front. {Friends in high places.} What's it like to go to school in the city? Fort Jackson, coed jokes. [Early evening motel room.] Moscow on Hudson with Robin Williams. Russian speech with English subs. Depecting life as Russians live. [Move to USC] Sidewalk in the sky. Leads to Greek parties, Loud and overflowing on the courtyard. Walk on up that sidewalk path. Old campus scenes, some over brick and iron wall. Snady's hot dog stan, stil stands. Stood long before McDs next door. City life, campus life, so intertwined. Yet what life is ti, will it be, for those who live life here? Greek party, punker soldier, do they really know? Moscow on Sumter, Longstreet theater, it's all a play you know. Do they have any right to play 'our' music? Hotel California; Penny Lane How can they relate to such things? "Remmeber how the muse made him glad, and the silence made him sad."
Cruising semitractor rigs. They do it more than, what, one might think. The crowd is still so thin for this time of night. Mostly couples No, not mostly couples. Couples, familys, elderly mates, and groups of friends. there's one loner in sight. God it gets so depresing with no one to talk with, share with, or be with. And how do I know they would think queer of me to try to talk with them?
Yeah sure the Kid who jsut walk up the street with sure purpose in his strid had business to tend to -- it was to sit on the corner in front of Ripleys -- hanging out business. His business is over he's going south now.
Tuesday Sept 16, 1986
8:15
Pavilion Patio. It's like when the kdi in "Born Americna"cird to be held and touched and talked to. In the mist of my own private siberian Prison myseriess, I cry inside for someone to talk with.
Myrtle Beach. There's this tall, slim, slumped shoulder man who walks and sits around the central dara. He carries a notbook with him, he writes when he sits. Then looks around and writes but I think not all of what he writes is aobut what he sees. I think he writes aobut memories, maybe it's his own inner feelings he records on pape with pen. I've followed him around, he'll stop at teh end of Bowery and write, he'll climb step to the upper deck or street side and write. But no matter where he goes, he shows no emotion in his face,not even his eyes. A stone face, bland but sadly look. I've watched him study a back packeer and write, and couples and people and cruising. he doesnt start at the women or call for their attention, if anything he notes the young men more. Does that make him gay or jsut strange. Mybe that is a faint hint of a smile when he see couples holding hands or kissing, that would make him a romantic. Morning, noon and nite I've watched him write, still I can only speculate about what. Wow, that's any interesting thougth, is he a walking dead man? Some terminal illness and he records his last months or weeks, others have done that sort of thing. Maybe he'll be dead before Spring time, and he's just cruising around? Like that old tv show 'Run for Your Life? Youn want to know something else about this man, he looks like John Lennon, especially with that cap he wears sometimes. Is taht why other people check him out?
[long pause watching from upper deck] Heard the train whistle again -- "If you cant make the train talk, Eugene, you'll nevermake a bluesman." The same is true for both guitar and words, I still can not make the words talk like a train.
11:45
On grass under Palmetto out back of Hotel. I know what one of my problems is, I've spent so much tiem watching and thnking aobut other people I have seen, that I'm scared of what they see and thnk when they look at me. It's my fundamental inhibition: What will they find to laugh at me aabout? It's ok for one to look at them but is not the other way. Maybe part of it is being selfconsious of how I look -- I'm not good looking and my physique is all wrong. They are others with slim body, but they have a good face and statue to compensate for it. Like the dude with swimwear like my underwear briefs. Why would she want to untie the back of her top; It was only a couple of strings? Jsut so she can make the men think a little more (or less) of her? A tease. [long pause] The words just wont work! Imight as well as sit here and daydream!
12:45
Writer man, write me a story: There's this place I know, an arcade by the beach. It's not the main gathering palce for tourist like the Pavilion is, instead, it is across the main street and up the drag a block, or is it two? Id doesnt matter, just know it is an out of the way place which you havet ot enter by a side door...
Wednesday Sept 17, 1986
9:10
Back of Pavilion. The young street people were out last night. As best as I could tell there was one girl and three boys, one of the boyus sem to be working too, but it hard to decipher what the relationsip are: the girl workig for the one in the hat or were they living together and making do as best as they know how? The other boy seem to be just a friend or maybe they all lived together. They were all out most of the evening till past midnight. The business is sorta like it is on tv, negotating through car windows, right on the street. This one time took longer thean usual cruising traffic to back up and horns to blow. Didn't phase them or her in the least. If the deal isnt set within thirty seconds it no deal at all. She was picked up by a group of three, two cars back though. She must hve turned four or five that I saw. Around midnight, after the crowd goes away, the two boys are sitting on a bench next to the corkscrew ride. The girl is walking up and down the street. She talks at them with animated handsigns. Is she cursing her pimp or is it friendly jesture? What about this solitary dude, is he really alone. He out walking the streets this morning, the others I havent seen yet. I was so sure I would talk with hime but I jsut could not brign myself to start. would he be offended? I want to find out where they live, how they survive, are they really street people or do theyjsut work from their homes?
10:05
Just a note to let myself know that I walked down to Wild Rapids place.
10:35
Back at the Pavilion, this time next to Earls Palce. Saw the loner kid walkig south with another man. he must have been here all alnog. Now, was that his friend, pimp or pickkup? If you dont know ask. [Maybe the new kids a parolee.]
{{the Story Continues.}}
4:35
Have you've ever seen an old man ride a cycle, an old man who uses a cane to walk? He hangs it over the handle bars when he rides.
{{Intermission is over, story ends.}}
Thursday Sept 18, 1986
8:10
What diff does it make where or when anymore? I'm bored, depressed, and paranoid. The younger kids are jsut that - high school kids acting out acting in. This other young girl, not the same as the first, she's jsut a tease trying to be cool. And her boy companion aint much better. So now I'm left with two real street people, the bearded kid and the hooker two nights ago. The kid I think is strung out on dope - that's how hsi pimp keeps him under control. will he be thrown away when he can not trick hsi support cost? I'm almost sure that is the relationship, I saw them twice yesterday, the second tiem the bleabred older one gave the kid a container to sniff from. I can still see that giddish grin and look of anticiaption on his face. It was like, "You're a real friend to get my doe for me. I really dont mind what I have to do for you." It was windy last night so I saw him again, this time sitting on the bench out side the restrooms. No one stayed out late last night because of the wind. I have the felling like I wont see him agai. he and his pimp have moved south for the winter.
I saw the beach patrol people earlier this morn, one ws out in a boat -- I saw them launch it. They've collected their bouys making swimming limits, it also marks the end of late summer too.
The other thing Idid last night was walk down to south pavilion. Idiscoverd McAdoo's Seaside Cafia - It's like a microcosmo of Fifties west coast beach club. Just a square of a bar with a pation close enough to catch salt spray. They had collection of matchbook covers from lots of different places, some from other coutnireis, the regulars were there twistiing & shouting and playing some sort of game. It's a really nice cosy place.
[Pause with a walk around the blocks] It's ten fortyfive. There's another packer sleeping on the bench, a diff bench, next to Bowery exit, where I sat watching the first one. What day was it last week when I saw him, Friday maybe. One a week on a day past halfway. Headed south? Left where, when? VB on Monday - two or three day hitch hike from there to here? Or from New York, Jersey, or somewhere else and when? There's another thing to -- found another writer sitting out back of the pavilion - flip over legalpad, gay looking too. Do I look gay looking because I write too? He wasnt a real write -- only a letter home I saw him put it in an envolpe.
1:30
Jsut as long as it's in the shade. I donet care anymore about being near the active ares. Here next to the batting cage wil do nicely. The police and Beach Patrol are in back of the Pavilion, standig around blowing a breeaq about blowing people awqy. The other night, or was it last night, I ws jsut about back to the hotel when i se blue lights and a siren start chasing someone father up the road. I didnt pay much mind to it and went on toward the room, but change my mind and went back to sidewalk to have a looksee. Hadnt been standign there three seconds when I hear this screeching of tires and turned around to se this bluelight swerving toward me to avoid a truck making a left hand turn. he flips his ssiren on now, too late but it covers his butt legally, and get within half a lane of me before swerving back in the other direction across both lanes again to a split second pause before going on the chase again. Reckless, homcidal, kid cops! And what would have I done if it was obvious he would hit me? -- too late to think about jumping up over the hodo and smash my foot through the windshield and hsi face -- too late to sumersault over the car or out of the way -- jsut stand there and be killedd by a maniac cop.
Thank you God for looking after me, and sparing me that decision. Though I sometimes think I'd much rather be dead to this earthly life.
Late Afternoon
Enter dark hair couple, late teen maybe, maybe slight Jersey accednt. Words of hate and discontent - obvious ill feelings over something gone wrong. Fist one talks then the other -- is that a good sign in these caes, taking turns talking loudly and rapidly at one anther. Is ther a reason why they came here to fuss? if they're in public maybe they wont strike out so viciously -- though relative to my feelings this all really over. Ther is suppose ot be some rational for venting bad feelings - anything to keep the volcano from erupting. What was it that cause such a fuss - bad sex, honeymoon disillusionment, pregant alread, I cant see the girls face but he looks so sad. Arethey sorry they've hurt each other's feelings to amke each so sad. Do you thnk they could think of a happy time they've had together? Isnt life suppose to be an adventure - isnt that whay you choose to go with each other. It's not that all adventures are to be full of fun and happiness? You will learn that trageies and sadness is what makes friendships strong. Maybe it could have been an uncounseld abortion or premarital sex. he was crying and she tried to consol him but why does he reject her help. Kiss and make peace. Dear God -- Let them make Peace with one another.
[take a block walk, get away from it] Should you expect to see them otherwise - walkig down the beach holding hands. You asked God to help them and he did, didnt -- Back up the bench not touching, into the Pavilion then down the sidewalk - touching- Did it take or didnt? At least they're not talking loudly and rapidly at each other as they past by.
The moon just slipped up through a crack between water and cloud. I dont think anyone else saw it rise. This dude at front of Eastaways looked me in the eye -- what is it that they see? One oof the news shows they showed a farmer what made a still life picture of living plants. On another, living death of starving people is Sudan, Religious wars. So here in the msit of plenty and happiness, sit i, with pitiful, seldom hunger pains, full of woe and saddness for the people I can not see. Who cares, who really cares for the homeless and hungry, either here on this street or some far away desert?
Now i remember - or did I write it before. I think I've chased all the real street people away. Maybe I did - something about moving south I guess. So now I'm alone - really alone with no one to watch or be watched by. Where do they all come from, Where do they all go to? Is their life really as we're made to believer? It was, it is only two weeks past this week after Labor Day. Do they think summer is over in one short week - and there's still the hometown folk - Maybe it's the paranoid drifting my way -- they've never see a man write before. Dollar ten for dish pan beer, Marvin sucks like Atlanta what a ripoff.
Friday Sept 19, 1986
7:55 or there abouts
It's been since when that I set my watch?
Another Friday morning - the prospectus is the same as yesterday and the day before. Sit and walk and walk and sit. It's loneliness to be alone surrounded by crowds of people. It's loneliness and solitude to know "they" have all gone off on some new (old familar) adventures. To sit here by myself - no people near by - I thnk it makes the loneliness, tolerable - except for the prospectus of facing another day of sitting and walking and walking and sitting.
====> Is it no wonder why "they" accept their "friends" whoever, whereever, whenever, whatever, and however "they" can find them?
You dont know shit, Jerry! Come Monday it'll be all over with you. You get to go back to your house, your job, your "friends". We have to sit and walk and walk and sit everyday of everyweek of everyear till we make that last fatal crash and burn. you dont see us but we're here or there and it's ano new familar adventure either. It's the same old rerun. So take you pitiful empathetic thougths and shove them up your ass. <=====
11:35
Chasing "THE MOOD" that's what Im trying to do with all this walk and sit, sit and walk. Timing has to be right too you knwo. "the Mood" moves. Mid to late morn, on beach side of pavilion, noontime is on the board walk, at packers bench whenever one is there, southe parvilion, McAdors, McDs, etal. I think I sense that leftover "mood" too. Summer died this week -- I watched them collect their beach chairs & umbrellas and haul them off to storage. I watched the street people fade away with the southwinds, "Like the smoke from that topedo."
Saturday Setp ?, 1986
8:00
Just this side of reality? There's only one good thing about today. It's my last full day of walk and sit, sit and walk. Kind of like Last Day of Jail, I guess. Last night I stayed out till ten thirty or so -- thought about stay up late to see what kid of late night street scene it might be this time of year. But I decided it best to let "them" have their fun without anyone looking like he might be watching. After all it is their street you know. There seems to be justa tad more familys out this Saturday morning, dwindle down weekend traffic thats what it is.
There's still two things I cant figure out. Who are the young people driving cars from far off other states? Where are the familys with school age kdis from who should be school? Tags from California, Jersey, Ohio, West Virginia, Indiana, Tennessee. Make that three things, Exactly what is the astory behind all the loners driving their cars? Like some of them rode up and down all evenig long and most every night two. Have they made peace with their lifestyle?
Maybe I should have explored the back streets more. That's where the local live. Do they not sit in thier small apartmetn, watch tv, have private partyes and only give scant thought to the "toursitas" down at the traps? They know the can have it all to themselves later. Visit those places taht stay open year around, the favorite haunts of resident friends. Maybe it was one of them what past throught with a pack, and stayed. More likely they jsut grew up here or jsut moved here or runaways with jobs and homes. Why else would any of them be here on Saturday morning except to be at work? The long hair dude jsut past to get biscuit and coffe from McDs - breakfast at work.
You know what might be interesting -- make a collection of slang terms, that translate to "Let's go find soem women / men". It was a "shoe" strip this week tath make me think of it. "Trolling for Lifeguard" I'm sure, almost, that one use the term before in high school - "Let's got trolling down the beach."
Make note: Where I was sitting beside of the street next to the putting palace - there were no one there but me. Then these two old men sit down too - not close but in the same row. There's been other signs too. They make me feel uncomfortable, uneasy. No doubt it's the way I make those who I watch uneasy too. -- I'm sorry, I apologize to all you Kids. Now that they've left. Im back.
Maybe I can find some back street place to sit and write. The main drag is becoming a drag.
10:15 I think
Leaning against the wall, back of IdleHour Arcade, beneath Castaway's Home Church of Rock & Roll, Coastal Mission, across from Seaside Plaza. Bamboo Deck isnt far away just next door. That's the place where the motorcycle people hangout. When walking by a while ago, I stopped to take a looksee, and sensesee. This dude drives up and asks "Are you looking for anything?" I had him repeat it three times, my hearing msut be going bad fast - else I found someone quieter than I. Anyway once I understood the question,it was ovious what he meant, "No, Im just looking to see whats inside." After thinking of what I woudl say - "Yeah, looking for million dollar lyrics." It finally came out like a whimp.
Well, I thought I would be in the quiet shade, but it's been delievering time. My mind wants to make this a passive dealing place -- no hang ups aobut cops and things. IDLEHOURS - CASTAWAYS does the name fit the stret people or not? Does it not fit local unemployed stay out ofthe house youth. What stories are there within this space that titles iteleft in Black on White, Home Mission fo rthe Street Mystic? Is it sacrreliougus, their double meanign use of Home Church and Mission, or is it their tongue in cheek use of it? A single space but how much time does it span? {Is that a police radio I hear, for monitor police actions?}
2:00
It's walk back to sit and walk, walk and sit. I did break the boredom with a jeep ride, even gave Jim a ride from twentyfour to State Pier. He kept mumbling something about a contest he went to but fell asleep after an all night drive or something. It dont matter anyway -- it's back to sit and walk, walkt and sit. All day and half the night, How do "they" manage to survive? Is it survival or jsut to pickup a few extra dollars? They're different, and differences attract attention. It's still a little touch of wanting to learn more. {{ Saw a right handed MG type today. }}
(Later) Sitting out in hot sun, sweatig, smelling bad, hungry, hard bench sit. So what else is there to say? Two of the dude are down beanch, saw the bearded kid's "friend" with someone else this time, I think there's a younger new kid working outside the Restrooms, he and some straight? kid sat on the upper deck benches, closer tahtn normally but still not close. They dont speak and neither do I -- is it legal standoff -- if I ask first he cant be busted for soliciting -- if he ask first how do I knwo its, not u.c.e? So it's going to be hot and sweated and I still dont know anything about MyrtleBeach street life. Maybe it's all unreal - maybe it's all tv real. People acting out what they see on tv and others continuously seeing what they saw on tv. It's feedback - information feedback.
7:55 Saturday Evening
Last seat south on upper deck. Tonight, Randy and Shelia called. They were here and together we went to Merills Inlet to eat at the Shrimp Boat place. It was really good to see familar faces. Broke, fasting, though. But it was worth, not not worth, unavoidable, I guess, I could have jsut had coffee? Whatever jsut to be with friends, and have someone to talk with. I think Randy thought I msut have turned into a motor mouth telling them waht if been seeing. So the "adventure" Randy's word, was what made up early evening.
Now I sit in the last seat south. Writing. I started to say something about, last night A Myrtle Beach but that seems to much cliche'. Watching, Saturday ight cruising, a mess of local, tourist, teenages, and close out-of-towners. I guess everyone is living in their own little world, that New York personal space.
Maybe "they" are wise to stay away from tourist area. Maybe "they" have their own gathering place - birds of a feather thing. It's only amatte of where, Idlehour - Castaways. That's what "they" are in the eyes of city officials. Get out of the house, Get off the streets, Get out of my bar, Go get lost What differ does it make if I know wher or not, It's a place where I can not go. "Dont trust anyone over thirty." That's what the Placard read on an ol news clip. So it's a place I can not go!
Private space. Somtimes it seem like a fortress. Walls which let no personal directed sounds pass. Only glances and quering looks. "Dont trust loners either" a Placard should read.
Sunday Sep 21, 1986
6:00
Whitewater Falls. Left Myrtle Beach about 10:00 this morning. Thought about waiting for Randy and Shelia, but once I got to riding up and down the Blvd I get more anchious to leave. Just as I did, i thought I could have jsut sat in the jeep for a while. Maybe next year. So now I'm here again back home with remembered High feelings, and thinking of were I was and what I've seen. I've smoked a joint or two halfs. It's a great feeling now.