© 1997 khansslave@hotmail.com
Untitled – October 14, 1998
Sullen stares
Quiet thoughts
Darkness overcoming the soul
Bitter taste of guilt
Sweet taste of blood- comes from this heart
That pulsing rhythm of crimson colored liquid
Emotions stopped, by another's piercing words- spoken through
Thoughts
Deep inside they lie, far within
All together
Jumbled
Destroyed
Then BANG!
Gone
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No Point- October 15, 1998
That beckoning sound
Soft words spoken... an inner light broken...
Over and over again... I toss and I turn....
In this great thing...
What is it I ask? Wish I knew...
But there is no point....
No point to
Knowing,
Breathing
Thinking
None at all
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Untitled- I don’t know the date of this one
Who do you think you are?
To judge me…
Show me your value, I bet it’s greater… greater then my self-worth
You’re so classy… in your expensive clothes… you got the right to judge me as well when you bought them…
Time… I can’t even afford that…
Over- I repeat this word in my head…
What happens when I not only tell you it’s over… I take it upon myself to make it over… officially…
Nothingness… I won’t be judge anymore, not even by the “Eternal Father”… that’s in your eternity… you judge to be judged… my nothingness has already begun… I’m my supreme judge… only to myself, only to myself… Judge… Decider of fate… my fate was sealed on my birthday…
“ She was to die young” said the angels as they looked upon my moving form- my face was soaked with tears, as it is now… the nurse took me, soothed me… I don’t have a nurse anymore…
Cry… Sob… let your emotions out…
Tissue… Cloth… Pills…
Relieve my pain… can you relieve my pain?
It’s inside…
Don’t walk away… don’t leave me here… alone… crying…
Goodbye savior… judge…
My fate was sealed… by you… not me… as I once thought…
Sealed… only by you…
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Why – from sometime this summer (1998)
Why do I have to feel this?
I never asked for this pain… what did I do?
Do u all want to keep hurting me?
Something that once made me happy, makes me sad… I thought I was better, but I was wrong…
The tears are dripping, my face is soaked…
I’m sorry… I’m sorry for my sins, but do I really deserve this?
I’m trying… I’m trying not to be this way…
I must’ve hurt someone pretty bad… why else would I kill myself this way?
I guess someone likes to see me suffer from emotional pain… but what did I do?
I hate this pain…
I hate my thoughts….
I hate my words….
I hate my actions….
I hate my feelings…
I hate myself….
And I have one more to add…
I hate what I must’ve done…
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