What, with so many things to carry on about, it's hard to narrow it down to one. However, I believe in addressing the most pressing issues first, namely the dearth of male full frontal nudity in American mainstream cinema. It's a problem that affects us all.

For this reason, I have dedicated my life to the advancement of penis-display on the silver screen.

There are several reasons why male nudity is vital to the nation's growth:

1. Equality of the genders is hindered unless there is some form of quid pro quo as relates to nudity. Female nudity is commonplace in American cinema yet the most a moviegoer ever gets to see of the male form is his backside (and even then it may be a "butt-double") or his torso with the genitalia carefully concealed. Either men be objectified, too or a stop has to be placed on objectification altogether, dangnabit.

2. Many male stars would like nothing better than to show the world what they've got. Witness Bruce Willis in "Pulp Fiction." It was rumored that the towel he held in the shower wasn't always as concealing as it appeared to be. Rumors also ran rampant about Sylvester Stallone in "Demolition Man." The Enquirer ran "censored" photo stills from the movie which supposedly showed un-shy Sly showing the audience why he was called the Italian Stallion. And Harvey Keitel likes to show his penis whenever he can.

3. Moviemakers seem to think the public does not want to see penises. I have heard this argument many times. To this I say Ha! The American public has never been given the opportunity to decide whether it can tolerate a penis-viewing or not. I say give it a whirl. At the very least, the publicity it draws will be reward enough.

4. According to several sources, this country was founded by people seeking to enlarge a metaphorical penis, and has continued to evolve and grow because of phallocentrism. Okay. So let's see this phallo that's so centric so the nation as a whole can bask in its wonder and flourish. What better medium than movies? America's favorite summer pastime! Let's bask!

These are but a few thoughts and suggestions. There are many more but I know it's late, I know I'm weary, and I know your plans don't include me. However, this will be a topic that will be will be returned to again and again in the future. Stay tuned.

UPCOMING TOPIC:

Run along home now. . .

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