Poison Elves

"Why me, why me, why me?" muttered the waiter as he straightened
the smart red jacket and spify new kerchief the management had 
insisted would add a "piquant charm" to the new, fine dining 
establishment that currently employed him.  The short-tempered,
 muddy elf had already threatened him with a bread-stick
lobotomy and a butter-knife appendectomy when he suggested an
effervescent white wine rather than the "Ale" the uncouth elf 
had demanded upon taking his place at the table.  He supposed 
that this was the result of replacing the only tavern in New 
Ganesh Village with a restaurant serving Fine Palaschian
Cuisine.  The waiter grabbed a menu and scurried over to the 
elf's table just as the little savage was reaching over to
scratch the small of his back with the salad-fork.  The regulars
were getting a bit restless as they watched him reach over for
the finger-bowl.  Whatever obscene thing he might have tried 
with the finger-bowl was forgotten as the waiter cleared his 
throat and beamed warmly at his vulgar customer.  "Ale?" the 
rude elf-thing asked optimistically.  "the Menu sir!" was the 
cheery (though unlooked for) response, "would you like to hear
about the specials sir?"  Taking the ill-mannered scowl as an 
affirmative, the waiter launched into the patented recitation:

 
"Perhaps you'd like to start with salad,
with scallops, shrimp or chicken added?"
 
(dimly, the waiter perceived the elf's lack of amusement)
 
"a nice entree would be the pheasant,
of course the trout is always pleasant" 
 
(again, that certain lack of appreciation on the elf's part)
 
"we have a score of tortes to tempt
the most finicky temperament"
 
(the angry little elf was getting up... perhaps he needed to go
to the bathroom?)
 
"our mousse is creamy, sweet and light
so sir, what will you have tonight?"
 
(as he was being grabbed by his spotless red lapel, the waiter 
squeaked out a last...)
 
"why me?"
 
(... before things went black)
 
[shortly afterwards]
 
As the angry (and still hungry) elf stormed out of the only 
dining establishment in New Ganesh, he noticed that the sign 
above the restaurant read "Rhyming Dinning (a lettuce entertain 
you branch)". Passers-by were said to hear him grumble "why me?" 
as he stomped away into the night.


Email me at jbiniek@ais.net 

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