Bud died 6:30 this morning. I knew it was going to happen. But THIS soon? I can't imagine the world going on without him. I remember the last time I saw him. I took him some of my ministrone soup. A second batch. After the first batch, he told his kids, "Sis makes a soup you could kill for."


I was going to give L my recipe. Going to see him this week. He wanted me to stay longer last time. But I was busy and S would be coming in and F was in the car with Nikki waiting for me. He drove so I could carry the pan of soup. "Just sit in that easy chair," Bud said. "People just sit there and watch me sleep." He was very sleepy and could not hold his eyes open. I sat for just a few minutes, then kissed his forehead and told him I had to go but I would see him again soon.


But I didn't. Just like I told Aunt Petie I would see her the next day, and I didn't. Death is not interested in helping you keep your promises.


I've been remembering him as he was when I saw him last and how he was in times past. I've been crying at the strangest times. Watching the Brian Boitano special skating show this afternoon brought streams down my face.


All the time I was visiting him, I never said "I love you." Our family did not display affection....but that is not me! I wish I had sat in the chair with him longer. I wish I had said,"I love you."

I can't go on. Just wanted to put my brother's name on-line. See it in print. A kind of validation.

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