Religion is the opium of the masses... and I've got the best dope in town!
Greetings, friend! Are you tired of your God forever telling you to do tiresome things like bombing abortion clinics, burning black churches, and beating up homosexuals? Sick of putting a straightjacket on every thought, feeling, word, and action, to avoid winding up char-broiled? Do you sincerely want to be a nice, happy person, but still feel the need for some sort of Big Dude In Charge watching over you? Well, have I got a deal for you....
Join the Temple of the Fuzzy Orange Bunny today! Not only is our Deity, Herman the Fuzzy Orange Bunny, statistically proven to be even more comforting than that grandfatherly bearded dude, but for a limited time only you will have the services of the LIVING prophet o' the word of Herman. None of our major competitors can offer you a prophet with an e-mail address and a pulse, now can they? What's more, your membership comes with the astonishing Herman Warrenty:
Herman has never and will never say or do anything that could possibly mean that you have to go out and kill people.
So don't delay. Receive the wisdom of Herman and of his Prophet, Carrie. Say a prayer, repent of that hassenpeffer, andjoin! Send no money now.... 0% interest until Carrie's scholarship runs out! Whatta deal!
