a story in 6 parts, featured in Midget Breakdancing Digest

Now let me explain. It's the middle of the summer. I'm between my senior year of high school and the vast unknown of college life. I'm teaching a summer night class at my old school. It's for young teens just about to enter the marching band, giving them basics so they would have less to pick up in the fall. It didn't pay a lot but I loved doing it.

There was one student, Tim, who was a drummer like me. He was a quick learner and soon became my right hand man with some of the slower students. After class one day, Tim was sitting outside waiting for his ride. I locked up the building and joined him out on the curb. We started talking about the class and how the drumline was shaping up. As we discussed the finer points of "crab stepping"; a blue Mustang convertible pulled up.

In the drivers seat was the girl I had pined for my entire high school career, Juliet. I had no idea they were brother and sister. Yet, as I looked at Tim getting in the car, they both had the same smiles, the same instant charisma that struck you over the head and said 'Hey! Pay attention to me. I'll be making a difference in your life'.

"Ian, this is my sister Juliet."

"We've already met. W-we went to school together." I said. "What are you doing here?"

"Picking up my brother, silly." she said, catching my heart with her smile.

"B-but I thought you were supposed to be in Paris or Italy doing that fashion thing..." I countered, trying to hide my obvious excitement.

"My agent rescheduled it so I have the summer to work on a bunch of good U.S. work so I can spend a little more time with my family and get ready for the fall shoots."

Juliet was a local model at 14. She got her first show at 15, her first big spread at 17, and had nine covers by the time she turned 18. She was supposed to the "new wave" of models. Not automatically supermodel gorgeous, there was something very real about her. Like she could be your typical friend and go out to coffee in jeans and a T-shirt in the morning and be on the runway at night in a dress more expensive than your college tuition.

I still couldn't believe she wasn't gone. This was too much. The whole reason I told her how I felt that night was because I was afraid I'd never see her again. And here she was, all five feet, eight inches of her.

"So, you'll be around?" I stammered out.

"For another month or so. Listen, we're gonna be late, so give me a call, 'k?"

And as soon as I nodded my head, she floored the Mustang and was out of sight before I could think to wave goodbye.

That night I tried dialing the number that was on my class roster but it was busy the entire night.

I ended up calling my old girlfriend, Kate, who was never really more than a good friend with a bit of romance on the side. We still called each other all the time and gave relationship advice and counseling. I told her about everything and she wasn't shocked to hear my story.

"I think she stayed for a reason other than local work, Ian."

"You don't think she postponed her domination of the fashion world for me, do you?"

"I've seen weirder things happen."

"Then why hasn't she called me before now?"

"She could be shy, maybe scared… Women rarely make any sense. And I am one."

"Yeah, but I can't live without them. Why did we break up again?"

"You caught me with Rick Derris in the jacuzzi on that ski trip. Besides, you were secretly lusting over the fair Juliet. Do you want me to call her?"

"And just what would you say? You hardly know her."

"It's a chick thing. I'll call her up and say 'hey, I heard she was still in town and that I've known you for a long time', blah blah blah, I'll say some good things about you, maybe highlight your witty charm or your amazing tongue... then I'll find out if she's interested. You know, girl talk."

"I don't know about this... Do girls really talk about sex as much as guys?"

"More than you could imagine. I'll call you back."

And click. Ex-girlfriend to the rescue.

A little over an hour and a half later, the phone rang. No one else had called so I expected it was Kate.

I answered on the second ring.

"So, what's up?"

"Ian?"

It was Juliet!

"Juliet? Why are you calling me?"

"That seems like a rather silly question. Kate told me everything."

"Everything? How did she get a hold of you?" Kate might just have to die.

"She called my personal number. You were calling the house line and it's always busy because Tim uses it for his computer."

"Oh. So Kate told you, I guess."

"What's to be told? I've known that you liked me for, like, ever. And I just didn't want to hurt you."

"What do you mean, hurt me?"

"I just didn't want to start something then have to leave you in a month. That's why I didn't tell you about me staying when we were on that camping trip. I just didn't want to have to break your heart."

"You didn't have to. I don't think I feel so good. Have you ever seen Alien?"

"Stop being so dramatic. If you want... never mind."

"What?"

"Well, I guess we could go out or something. You know, no commitment or anything."

"I don't know if I could handle it..." What was I saying? "It might be awkward."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

Any chance I had with Juliet was slowly slipping away. And it was all my fault.

There was an uncomfortable silence. I felt fear sink its fangs into my flesh, I was dying. I wanted this more than anything. Why couldn't I just say it already?

"Ian?"

"Yeah?"

"This is really awkward."

"I know, I've waited four years for this and now…"

"What?"

"It just doesn't seem real. It's like a dream."

"What kind of a dream?"

"It's like… it's like a gorgeous nightmare."

"Is that good? That can't be good. I knew this was a bad idea…"

"No, stop. Please. A gorgeous nightmare is, like, where you're so terrified by the situation, surrounded by it in Technicolor, that you have to make a decision on whether you stop it by waking up and saying 'damn, it was just a nightmare.' Or you take control of your fear and fight your way through it. And the way that feels is… gorgeous. Like…"

"Like what?"

"Like you."

Again, it was silent. A little static permeated the receiver, which I attributed to cordless phone I was on. Then I thought I heard a door closing but it was just coming from outside. A breeze blew through my window, rustling the tree branches.

"Are you still there?"

In a tiny voice, she sniffled out a "Yeah."

"Was it something I said?"

"Yeah."

"Well… is that good or bad?"

"It's good."

She had to be crying by now; I have heard that tone too many times.

"Listen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"Don't be. It's just… that so many people say that to me, but you mean it."

"I do. With all of me."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome… I guess. Listen, I can't deal with you being sad like this. I have to see you."

"Really?"

"Of course. I can't leave you crying in your room alone. Can I come see you?"

"Sure."

"O.K. So, where are you?"

There was a quiet pause, expectant.

"Look outside."

I looked down to our backyard through my open window and there she was, sitting on my old tire-swing, looking up at me. Her face was a halo of light; the tears glistening like pearls. She half smiled, looking to her cell-phone, which didn't automatically register with me. She was beautiful like the sad angels in Renaissance paintings.

I lifted the phone back to my ear.

"The wonders of modern technology."

I rushed downstairs, out of the house and into the night.

I fell into her arms. She was waiting for me on the stairs, crying. I was full and complete in her arms as she quietly sobbed. She smelled like Ralph Lauren perfume and coffee, very bittersweet. We were melting into each other. Cheesy love songs started to make a lot more sense at this point.

Then the fair Juliet spoke.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay."

She pulled away and I felt her take my hand in hers. I had been so taken by the moment; I had closed my eyes and almost fell down the stairs. I made a graceful recovery as she led me to her car.

"Get in."

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

We got in the car and she started it before I had a chance to get my seat belt on.

I tried to figure out where she was taking me but she made too many confusing turns in the new residential areas I wasn't familiar with yet. She had me thoroughly lost.

"Are you trying to get me lost?"

"Yes. I want this to be a surprise."

Good answer. We finally got onto a back road in the middle of nowhere and drove for a while. I had plenty of time to look at her as she drove. This whole thing was still sinking in. I mean, the girl I had wanted so badly knew how I truly felt about her and didn't run away or file for a restraining order.

Rather, she came to my house, kidnapped me and was driving me to some undisclosed location to do… what? The ramifications of this began to rattle around my head. Would this be the grand consummation of our relationship? No. Who am I kidding? We've never even been on a true date. However, we did just share this intense moment that I doubt either of us will ever forget. The mere possibility alone… I decided to be bold.

"If you won't tell me where we're going, will you at least tell me what we're going to do?"

The look she gave me made me instantly regret asking but it melted into a slightly devious grin.

"Let's just say you and I will be really close to each other. And to fully enjoy the view you'll need to be on your back."

"Oh really? Can you be anymore cryptic," I said, and sensing that wasn't quite the response she wanted, added, "or intriguing?"

She smiled again and returned her concentration to the road in front of us. But I noticed her right hand was resting on the console that separated us. I gently picked it up and placed it into my own left hand. She squeezed my hand a little which I interpreted as a sign we were getting close and I wouldn't have to wait for much longer for my surprise.

I kept trying to figure out where we were going as the local college radio station played "Supernova" by Liz Phair. The line about how he "fucks like a volcano, and he's everything to me" kept echoing in my head. It was dark enough so that I couldn't see anything but the road ahead of us. Nothing looked familiar. But I knew I could trust her so I just sat back and watched her drive.

About five minutes later, we turned onto a dirt road leading into a forest. I had no idea where we were but I knew this must be it. Juliet pulled the car over to the side of the road.

"So, this is it?"

"No, get out."

"Yes ma'am."

I got out and closed my door, again admiring the Mustang and thinking how I'll never have one but maybe Juliet will let me drive hers. I passed up a car for Fruit Loops. That is what I call my drumset. They have this crazy rainbow finish that makes them look as if they would be in a tweaked-out Fruit Loops commercial directed by Spike Jonze.

I followed Juliet into the forest, wondering if she really knew where we were going.

"It's right over this hill. You're gonna love this."

How did she do that?

I scrambled up the hill, which Juliet seemed to have climbed before because she knew how to avoid the underbrush that was hindering my ascent. As I pulled myself up to the top, she stood looking up at something in the sky. I followed her gaze to the largest radio tower I had ever seen in my life. It must have been over 100 feet with lights blinking at the top to warn aircraft of this behemoth presence in this secluded forest. There was a clearing in what I guessed was the front of it. The whole place had a glow about it and as I looked up, I saw how well you could see the stars in the sky. The stars seemed to be shining brighter than they ever had before. This was truly something special.

Juliet was smiling at the bewildered look on my face. She moved close to me, her sweet scent again tickling my nostrils. She looked into my eyes.

"What do you think?"

"I… I love it. Where… What… Why did you bring me here?"

"Trust me, this is just half the view. It gets much better after this."

She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me.

My heart, the one I thought was so strong, it stopped. Only for a second but it did.

When you kiss someone for the first time, it's not that first kiss that usually does it. It has always been the second for me. That one matters. That is where you actually make the connection. The first is always so awkward and bizarre; you need a second one to fully adapt.

Juliet was different.

We matched instantly. Her lips against mine seemed like the solution to the universe. Everything I ever thought I could have felt never prepared me for this. The excitement alone was enough to make me weak in the knees. However, she had her arms around me so tightly, there was no where I could be but next to her.

The kiss just went on and on… our mouths slowly softening to each others. Her tongue gently darted out to tease mine. Soon, it was an all out battle. My hands caressed her back, one always cradling the nape of her neck, which I knew Kate, my last girlfriend, liked. Her body seemed like something more than living. Almost ethereal. I was most definitely in heaven.

We slowly pulled apart and I could smell her skin. It was perfection in every way. Her eyes, dark, dark green met mine. "That's the first time I've ever done anything that… forward," she whispered.

"Well, you know me. I'm like an old hat at this." This, of course, was a flat out lie and she knew it.

She giggled and smiled. We kissed again, even more impassioned this time. Our hands were all over each other. She was wearing a small T-shirt, verging on a baby doll. On her right side, it had come up and my hand brushed her soft flesh. She shuddered a little and broke this kiss again.

Her hands found mine as our eyes locked again.

"Do you want to see the rest of the view?"

"I really don't know how it could get any better than this… but if you insist."

We walked down into the clearing with the transmitter. Of the multitude of questions running through my head, how she found this place was on the top of the list. So I asked.

"How did you find this place? It's amazing."

"Do you want the long or short version?"

"Give me the long one, seeing as I really don't want to be apart from you any sooner than possible."

Damn, that was smooth.

"You thought that was smooth, didn't you? No, that was cheesy. Good cheese though. Brie, perhaps."

"What? How did you do that? That's the second time tonight it seems like you read my mind."

"I just know you. I have a pretty good idea of what goes on in your head."

"How? We never really hung out in high school. In fact, you generally avoided me. Every time I got the courage to talk to you, you'd quickly make your getaway. So how do you know me?"

"Do you remember the summer between our junior and senior year?"

"Not really, a lot of shit happened that I'd just as soon forget."

She looked at me with those eyes, so beautiful, diving right into my soul.

"I know, you lost your father in the car accident."

"Yeah..."

"And Kate and you broke up."

"Salt on the open wounds…"

"And you also lost your backpack."

"The final kick in the face. It had all my journals and sketch books. Plus my only copy of Youth in Revolt."

"By C.D. Payne."

"You know the book? I've only met one other person who's even heard of it, this big guy Duncan from Aurora."

"Yeah, I read it. I must say, you underlined a lot of passages in that book."

"It was you? You stole my backpack? You've had all those things all this time?"

"First off, I didn't steal them. You left it at the library while you were cavorting with Kate. You forgot the backpack in the poetry section and I happened to recognize the monkey airbrushed on the side. So I picked it up. And the funniest thing happened. This book fell out… a sketchbook. It fell open to a picture of me. Do you have any idea how weird but flattering that was?"

I couldn't look her in the eyes, I felt like I had just invaded her privacy.

"I guess not."

"So, I began to thumb through the sketchbook. There were eleven complete drawings of me in there, with lots of unfinished sketches. Eating lunch, sitting in class… I saw me. The real me. When I look at the pictures people take of me, I look how they want me to look. However, you, you captured me. I was looking at what I saw when I looked in the mirror. It was amazing."

She paused and let this thoroughly sink into me.

"I didn't know what to do. I mean, I could have given them back to you but it would have been weird because you would have assumed I went through them. I had to, at least to figure out whose they were. I didn't want to let them go. The words, your rhythm and presence on paper… the words were alive. They went through me, right into my heart. The things you wrote about me… how was I supposed to give that away? It made me feel special in ways that people wanting to take my picture and make another million never could."

For probably the first time in my life, I didn't know what to say. Except that this, was definitely better than being alone on a Saturday night.

"What do we do now?" I asked, looking down, still feeling a little strange about this whole situation.

Her soft hand gently pushed my chin up, and she looked right into me.

"Now we hope. Hope for the best. Hope that this never ends. Hope that you are willing to stick with me. Hope that you'll kiss me right now and hope that you will follow me to Paris."

"What? Follow you to Paris?"

My heart soared. She could have asked me to follow her to the stars and I would have obliged.

"I know it's a lot to ask, but there isn't anyone else I'd rather have there with me."

"You know I want to but what about school? I've already registered."

"You're only going to community college."

My face must have portrayed the hurt of that comment.

"It's not only community college, I understand that. I'm sorry. What I meant was that you're not really bound by a huge obligation. If you were going to a university, I wouldn't have even asked."

She paused, and it hit me again how exciting this all was. To be here, in the middle of this secluded forest with the girl of my dreams, and here she was offering me the chance to be with her in France. Paris has always been another dream of mine.

"And haven't you always dreamed of Paris? Sainte Chapelle, The Louvre and The Museum of Modern Art. How can you resist?" She knew exactly how to tempt me, with good art.

"I can't think of… I can't think of anyway I can."

She pulled me to her and we kissed again, her arms wrapped around me felt like refuge from everything that had ever hurt me. Our kisses became more of the carnal type, as my mind raced. Where did this come from? How did I get here? How am I going to tell my mother?

For a fleeting moment, I felt the spirit of my father pass through me. Reassuring thoughts and feelings, the encouragement that only a father can give his son, these all came to me. More than I can ever describe in words, this moment changed me.

I knew he had been watching over me this entire time and had not truly abandoned me. That was my fear when he died, as petty as it sounds, that he had left me behind because he no longer loved me. I had eventually gotten over that but the memory of that feeling resurfaced and crumbled away. I thought to myself, "Thanks Dad, I won't fuck this one up."

My mind came back to the moment at hand, as Juliet's kisses started creeping down my neck. At this point, I had an idea of what was to happen next. Her kisses crept up my neck and I felt her tongue dart across my Adam's apple. It tickled.

"Hey there." I said, trying to draw her attention away from one of the most ticklish parts of my body.

"What? Are you ticklish there?"

"Uh… no. Absolutely not."

"You are!"

Her mouth lunged for my neck, her hands wrapping around my back. The force of her attack sent us both tumbling into the dirt. I figured she would have stopped going after me at this point, but I soon realized she almost had me pinned. Just as I tried to change that situation, her knees came down upon my arms as her hands quickly pressed my hands down and I was stuck.

I looked up at her, struggling to break free but not really wanting to break loose. She was luminous. Her soft, dirty blond hair, which was originally pulled back and held with a blue rubber band, had come undone and wildly stuck out from around her head. Her smile, victorious and sensuous, beamed down at me.

I tried to look as passive and cool as possible, but I think my poker face is probably cuter than it is cold and reserved. I say this because she smiled, and arched her back to kiss me.

"Your eyes are misgiving what your face is trying to say." She said this just before she kissed me. And kissed me, and kissed me… She slowly rocked back and forth, her hands losing their grip on mine. I moved my arms out from under her knees, which I think she really didn't notice. She did however notice when my hands ran slowly up her torso, and up onto her soft breasts. Her back arched up and her head swung back as she let out a contracted little sigh.

I took this opportunity to grab her hips, and with one lightning quick motion, I rolled her on to her back as I kissed her on the way down.

"So, that's how it's gonna be?" She said, another mischievous smile painted on her face.

"No, more like this…"

I put all my desire into that kiss, and twenty seconds later we came up for air.

"So, how was that?"

"I guess I can live with that… wow. That was great. Can I ask you a little question?"

"Sure."

"Would you mind getting the blanket in the trunk of my car?"

"Y-yeah." I paused to think. "D-does this mean what I think I mean?"

"I think it means what you think it means."

I smiled, shocked. She smiled back. I got up slowly, trying to hide my excitement and nervousness.

"So, I'll be back in just a second. Y-you don't go anywhere, ok?"

"I won't."

So, I turned and started walking back the way we had come. A wave of fear stopped me cold. What about protection? I didn't have a condom on me, it seemed pointless to carry one at all times with the way my less than wild sex life has panned out lately…

"What's the matter?"

I turned, to face her, hoping this wouldn't spoil the moment.

"Uh, well… I feel really bad for asking this, but… d-do you have p-protection?"

"Did you know you stutter when you're nervous?"

"I d-do not." I had to smile as she giggled.

"It's cute. Are you going to go get the blanket?"

"Yes."

"Then I have all the protection you need."

I'm going to take back my previous statement, I think this is better than being alone on a Saturday night.

I made it back to her Mustang, rummaging around her backseat for the promised blanket. I couldn't find it, but luckily I was able to pop her trunk and I found a huge blue and white blanket. It was like the one my parents used to take with us when we'd see movies at the drive-in. That is, before my father was killed. Before I had my breakdown. Before the drugs, which I soon realized I didn't need. Before I lost my girlfriend and all of my most prized sketchbooks and journals.

All this was before I found Juliet. Or maybe she had found me. She knew so much about me through those lost journals. My drawings, my thoughts, all those inner passions I was too timid to tell. Knowing she had read them gave me an odd sense of empowerment, that if I was able to win her over on the page, that I could keep her in person.

These thoughts, along with knee-knocking terror that comes with the inevitability of my first full sexual encounter, carried me back down to the clearing where my love was waiting.

"I was afraid you'd gotten lost. I was about to call for a search party."

"Come on, I wasn't gone that long. Besides, I've got the blanket. This blanket will protect us, it is it's sworn mission. With the blanket around, nothing can go wrong."

She took the blanket from me and unfurled it over the soft ground. And gave me the look. The look. You know, the look. You know the look.

For the first time in my life, I returned the look. It was on. Or so I thought.

I couldn't move. I was stuck, standing there with that stupid grin on my face. She laughed and pulled me down by my shirt. Her kisses covered me, we were removing clothing without thought. I couldn't decide if I liked it more with my eyes open or closed. We were wild, and alive. Skin against skin, more and more of each other becoming available to touch, lick, nibble.

Somewhere along the way, we lost our shirts and pants but we both still had our socks on. Her green lacy bra strap came undone after one failed attempt. Slowly, I began to pull it off her body. My touch made her skin ripple and the goose bumps were so very sexy. And all of a sudden I started reciting e.e. cummings to her. I don't remember memorizing the poem but it came out of my mouth, just like him reading it to one of his many lovers.

Nothing had ever felt this good.

Juliet snuggled close to me, and we held each other, without speaking. She was the first to talk.

"My God, Ian, where did you learn to make love like that? Whispering poetry in my ear while splitting me in two… you are something… I am certainly not letting go of you."

"I hope not, you know, you're not all that bad yourself."

"Not bad for the first time. They say it's always terrible, so I'm glad we broke that tradition."

"W-wait? That was your first time?"

"Wasn't it yours?"

"Well, yeah. But I thought for sure that you'd…"

She shook her head, tousling her already mussed up hair.

"You were the one I was waiting for."

"What were you waiting for?"

"Someone who would read poetry to me. Someone who cared enough to think of me as a person, not a piece of meat. Someone who was just like you."

"Imagine that! I was looking for someone just like you, someone that appreciates someone like me."

"Can you believe our luck? We've been searching all this time for something so close," she said.

"It is a bit ironic..."

"It might have just been destined. You know, like, in the stars."

"Or it could just be that our bodies just need to be together."

"I'll second that thought."

And, well, you can guess what happened from there…