Through the flickering flame

Katie stopped for a moment, trying to get enough breath into her tired lungs. Promising herself that it would only be a short break, she looked at the ground and admired a tiny purple flower that grew along the roughly carved path. The flower was so small and frail, but better suited to the mountaintop than she was. The sun beat down on her, even though the day seemed far too cloudy for the heat, making even her T-shirt feel thick and hot. Her shoulder muscles quelled as she readjusted her knapsack. Aggravated with her body's lack of cooperation she sighed as she flicked open the top of her water bottle and took a deep gulp of the cool liquid.

She limped over to a small stream and looked into the clear water. Her brown hair hung in her eyes, but she really didn't look as bad as she felt. She crouched down upon her heels to get a better look at herself. So, this is what you look like when you've lost your best friend. She attempted to smile at her reflection, but it was a poor effort. Mom and Dad don't understand why I'm doing this. Why am I surprised? Her feet were becoming numb so she gave into the urge to sit down. She let her mind drift, trailing her fingers into the water. She didn't notice how quickly it was getting cooler.

Anne pushed me into this pond the last time we were here. God. Why am I doing this? I'm not sure that I understand much better than Mom and Dad do. I just feel, very deep inside, the need to do this. It doesn't prove much, but going back to the places that Anne and I used to go seems to make them less haunted somehow. Doing this, doing it alone, might just help me.

She stood up before her muscles had time to stiffen and, noting the darkening of the sky, began looking for a place to camp for the night. A chill wind blew up suddenly, rustling the branches of all the nearby trees. Katie turned to look back at the wild flower and was relieved to see that it bent in the wind instead of snapping. The old cliché "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" went so quickly through her mind that she barely registered it. The wind grew stronger and grabbed small pebbles from the path, flinging them about. The clouds had taken on a decidedly gray tinge. Frowning, she took off her knapsack and rummaged through it for her raincoat. A tremendous clap of thunder invaded the quiet mountain a few seconds after she had struggled into the raincoat. A light rain began to fall, and a bolt of lightening flashed through the quickly darkening sky.

Katie looked worriedly about her. Her plans had not accounted for the possibility of rain, so she didn't have a tent with her. She'd thought that the night would be clear, and warm enough for a sleeping bag under the stars. It didn't seem as if the stars were planning a cameo appearance any time soon, and the rain was picking up. Katie pushed her aching body into action and looked frantically for a dry place to sleep.

Rain ran down her face causing her bangs to sting her eyes as they were forced into them by the rain, while she made her way up the unforgiving mountainside. It fell in menacing sheets and within minutes she was soaked through, raincoat or no. Her freezing nose began to run, and she swiped at it futilely with what was once tissue but was now just a clump of wet paper pulp. Just before she gave up and slumped to the ground in a weeping heap, she saw a small cave. I don't care if there is some sort of wild animal in there. If there is, he's getting a new roommate. When she reached the mouth of the cave, she couldn't see anything in it by the dying light of the day. Several dried branches had escaped the rain near the cave's entrance. Katie swept a few of them into a pile farther back in the cave. After slapping her cold numb hands on her equally cold legs, she was able to get enough feeling back into her fingers to be able to manage a match. She scattered a handful of dead leaves over the branches and lit a match. A small flame appeared, and she decided to leave the fire to itself, knowing from past experience that a newborn flame could be easily squelched if ministered to too enthusiastically. Stalling for time, she spread out her sleeping bag a safe distance from the fire. That done, she turned back to the fire and began to feed it.

The fire greedily caught the kindling she gave it, and soon was burning merrily. Katie sat crossed-legged, her back against a cave wall, and stared into the flames. Slightly warmer, and sleepy, she almost didn't notice the movement on the other side of the cave. She spun her head, hoping to see a squirrel but fearing a bear, and squeaked in surprise. Instead of a four-legged beast, she saw a man.

Katie took him to be about her own age, late teens or early twenties. His curly blond hair looked unkempt, and it was too dark for her to see the color of his eyes, but she suspected they were blue. His face was pale and pinched, and he was thin. Her assessment of the man took only a second.

He looked less surprised than she did. Smiling vaguely he said, " Thanks for the fire. It was sort of chilly in here."

Katie blinked. "You discover that a stranger has decided to come into the cave you're hiding in, and you thank them for a fire? Do you meet people this way often?"

" Well, I would have said 'what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?' but I thought it might sound a little strange under the circumstances. And you're right I am hiding. But what are you doing here?"

" Trying to keep out of the storm."

" That's not what I meant. Why are you out on a lonely mountain all by yourself?"

" What, are we playing twenty questions now? I don't feel like talking about why I'm here. It's not important. My name's Katie Austin, by the way."

He held out his hand, and shook hers in mock seriousness. "James Comfrey at your service, my lady. Most people just call me Comfrey though, and you may as well."

" Like the plant? I like the sound of that." She said with a slight smile.

" Thank you, I've always liked it too. It's an old family name."

She shifted her position and was silent a moment. Why do I feel at ease? I don't know this person, I should be nervous, but I'm not. As crazy as it is, I feel that I can trust him somehow. " So, I guess we're going to have to wait out the storm…"

" Yup. I'm not sure about you, but I'm going to try to get some sleep."

Katie nodded in agreement and stretched out on her sleeping bag, too tired to wonder if Comfrey might have one hidden in his part of the cave too. Loud claps of thunder occasionally woke her, but each time she glance over at Comfrey, when he was illuminated by the accompanying lightening, she saw that he was still asleep. She wondered vaguely how he could sleep through the noise, then fell back to sleep.

A faint light filled the cave at dawn, just bright enough to show motes of dust riding the air near the cave's entrance. The crisp clean smell of the outside air competed with the scent of burned wood within. Katie woke and sat up, expecting to have sore muscles, but finding none. She glanced over to where Comfrey was laying and found that he was still asleep. Curled on his side with closed eyes and a slightly tense-seeming face, he looked younger than she knew he must be. Asleep, he looked like a small, vulnerable, boy. She sternly warned herself not to wonder why he looked anxious even in sleep, but she already knew that the warning would go unheeded.

He woke a moment later, terror bright in his eyes. After a moment he seemed to recognize her and the cave. He gave her an embarrassed look and wouldn't meet her eyes.

better, flippantly remarked "Gee, am I that frightening a sight to wake up to?"

He gave her the grin she expected. " No, of course not. I was, ah, just a little disoriented when I woke up. Please forgive me."

" Sure, all's forgiven. Shall we leave this place? While I'll admit that this cave has made a decent shelter from the storm, it's not the type of place I want to hang around."

She noticed that the fear had come back into his eyes the moment she mentioned leaving the cave. "Comfrey, what are you afraid of? You said last night that I was right about you hiding from something. But what are you hiding from?"

" I…I don't mind leaving. I'm just afraid that it will all be the same when we go outside. I hope you never have to know what I'm afraid of."

" What will all be the same?"

" That everything will be different."

" That doesn't make sense!"

" Let's just go."

He helped her to make sure the fire was out and then volunteered to roll her sleeping bag for her. Though she suspected that he was just stalling for time she was a bit touched that he wanted to help her. The entrance to the cave offered the same view as it had the night before, though everything outside seemed wetter. A sudden chill went through her as she got to the entrance, and she suspected that Comfrey's fear was just contagious. She heard him take a deep breath behind her.

The second she stepped out of the cave she knew there was something drastically wrong. Her mind's confusion was too great to let her say anything about what she was seeing. Comfrey, not struck with the same speechlessness, merely groaned, "Oh no, not again."

Her hysterical mind complained, This is not the White Mountains. This is not New Hampshire. This may not even be earth…. Looking to Comfrey she was somewhat shocked to see how composed he seemed. He no longer looked frightened, just merely resigned. Suddenly noticing her fright, he put a comforting arm around her shoulders.

" This, Katie, is what I was afraid of. I wish you didn't have to see this too."

" But, but, where are we? This isn't the mountains!"

" As far as I can tell, this is the exact mountain that we've been on all along."

Katie scanned the barren horizon again. The familiar mountainside was simply not there any longer. The ground was blue-black and no plants grew in that evil soil. Trees, which should only exist within nightmares, reached gnarled, sinister limbs up towards the hazy purple-red sky. There was no life. Or at least at first she thought that nothing was living within this wicked terrain. But then she saw a gaunt form streak between distant trees. She couldn't help but shudder in revulsion. " This can't be the same place. It just can't be."

" I think it is, Katie. Look back towards the cave. See your footprints going in? You can see the remains of the fire from here too. It's the same place, alright.'

" Okay, if this is the same place, then what happened to it? Was there a nuclear war or something?"

" No that can't be it, it wouldn't change back and forth if that is what had happened."

" Back and forth? Is that what you meant by happening again?"

" Swift, aren't you? I'm sorry, I just don't…"

Renewed fear suddenly welled up in Katie as she realized that it was twilight dark during what must have been early morning. She scanned the ground for something that might act as a weapon against whatever might be lurking around. The only thing she could think of was to break a branch off one of the malevolent trees, but she was almost sure that that would not be a wise idea. Noticing her intent stares at the tree, Comfrey said "Don't even think about it. If you try to break a branch the tree will attack you."

Bewildered, she asked, "How did you know that's what I was thinking about?"

" I've been here before, remember? I know from past experience."

" Here. Where ever the hell that is."

" I kinda think that this is the land that nightmares come from."

" Nightmares aren't a place or a thing, they're psychological."

Comfrey sat down and gestured that she should as well. " I know it's not logical, but the fact that we're here at all defies logic too. At first my mind jumped to the same conclusion that yours did, that there had been some sort of disaster. But that was before I knew that places could shift back forth between here and the real. I thought that it was connected to this place, but I got all the way to Vermont and it still shifted back and forth. And I don't think that its connected to the mountains being haunted, even though I was in the mountains in Vermont as well. I think that it's connected to us."

" To us?? How could it be connected to us?"

" To us, and to the cave. I think those things go hand in hand. I think the cave is the source of what allows us to see the shifts, but I think that there is something about us that makes us sensitive, predisposed if you will, to the effects."

" I still don't see how that makes this the place that nightmares come from even if the cave and out 'sensitivity' allow us to get there." Katie said as she threw her hands up in frustration.

" Don't you see? This place is exactly where you'd expect nightmares to be born. And, you haven't seen it yet, but this place changes without warning just like nightmares do. I've put a lot of thought into this and that's the best explanation that I've come up with, that this is a nightmare place."

"You've put a lot of thought into this? Just how long have you been here? How old are you? Who the hell are you, really? God, I don't know anything about you, so why should I trust you?"

" Oh, I see. Last night you wouldn't tell me what brought you to the White Mountains, but I'm supposed to answer all your questions?"

" Yeah, well, since mine have more relevance to the situation, I'd have to say yes."

" Nice. As for who I am, I told you that yesterday. I'm twenty-three years old. I've been here for about a year. And why should you trust me? You don't really have much choice, do you?"

" I suppose not. How did you end up here though? Were you just out on a hike too?"

" While I doubt like hell that you were 'just out on a hike' I'm not going to call you on it." He shifted so he could look her in the face. " You want the whole lurid story, so here goes. Last May I got home from my college in Virginia. I had been a Senior, a occupational therapy major, and I thought I was just going to take the summer off before grad school. But, I found out a week before graduation that I didn't have enough credits, so I wasn't going to graduate as I had expected. After alternately arguing with and crying to my parents, I decided to move back home until I could decide what to do with my life.

I decided to look for a job and move on, but my girlfriend had other plans. She wanted me to transfer to a school at home, to be with her, and finish school. By that point I didn't care about finishing school, so I refused. She tried to give me this guilt trip, complete with tears, about me not loving here if I wouldn't do it, and all sorts of shit like that. I didn't need her trying to shake my fragile resolve that way, so I was cruel back to protect it.

I told her that I didn't like the idea of her being so manipulative, and that if she couldn't accept the fact that I'd changed, maybe it would be best if we split up, because I couldn't do things I didn't feel were right just to make her happy. I also doubted , but didn't say it, the stability of a relationship that hinged upon my going back to school so she could marry a college graduate. As I had thought she used that as a reason to break up. Two weeks later she started dating a guy who had just graduated from Dartmouth.

Even though I knew she had only used me for what she thought she wanted, it tore me up inside. I had loved her, and once upon a time I'd thought she loved me too. I was sad, but I was so pissed too. Not just at her, but at myself too for never having seen through her, for believing her comforting lies. I was edgy around everyone, and was no longer fit company for anyone. I tried to be calmer, to not lash out at innocent victims, but it was too hard. I decided that I needed to get away for a while. Why does that seem like it has struck a nerve with you? No, don't tell me.

So, I went to a camping store and outfitted myself for a month alone up in the mountains. At first I was pleased that I had time alone to think, or to brood, but then things started to go wrong. I lost my compass and got lost. Then a bear invaded my camp while I was out fishing. He took a lot of my food, but worse he destroyed my tent. I slept outside for a couple of days, but then there was a cold snap. You know how cold it can get at night at high elevations…On the coldest night I decided to look for any type of shelter at all rather than risk hypothermia sleeping outside. So I found a cave, thankfully devoid of animals, and slept out of the wind and cold.

When I stepped out of the cave the next morning it was just like this. Sometimes three days might go by and it will seem completely normal, but then it looks like this again eventually. I try to outrun it, but I'm compelled by something to return to that cave now and again. Guess it was chance that last night happened to be one of those times.

" I won't ask you again how you got here, you'll tell me when you're ready. But I will ask you two of the questions you asked me; how old are you? Why should I trust you?"

Katie shivered, perhaps a delayed reaction from hearing his tale. " I'm twenty. And like you said, neither of us really has any choice about trusting the other, now do we?"

He shook his head with too serious an air to suit her. This really isn't a game…Thank God at least one of us has a sense of what to expect. She looked him the eyes. " So, what do you suggest that we do now?"

" Well, I guess that we ought to see what's around. It might not amount to much, but at least it will keep us busy until we get to the real world again."

" Do you have any preference to where we go? It doesn't sound like it."

" Not really, why?"

" You said that this place is the same as we were at before, right? Well, I came her with a goal, and that goal is to reach the top of Mount Washington . So if you don't really care where we go, I'd like to keep heading for the top of the mountain."

" The top of that mountain? That's miles from here! Do you have any idea how big the mountain is? It would take us days to get there and to hike it!"

Glaring at him, she dug her feet into the ground and put her hands on her hips.

"Comfrey, I'm going to get to the top of Mount Washington, with or without your help. No one keeps me from doing what I want to, even you. Don't even hand me any lines about it being dangerous, I know that, I don't care. I don't really want to go alone, but I am going one way or the other."

Comfrey sighed. " If it means that much to you, I'll go with you. I'll never understand women."

Katie bit back a retort about men, knowing that she would have to be content with just the one victory. " So let's go then."

As they walked Katie tried to figure out what the small colorful shapes that whirled in front of them were. She became frustrated, because each time she thought they were getting close enough to see the things closely, they just flitted farther away. After a while one became less cautious and let them come close enough to see what it was. A butterfly. Purple, black, blue, maroon, all darkly colored, yet not unattractive.

" Oh how pretty!" Katie blurted out.

" They bite."

" Butterflies don't bite."

" These do. Reality is non-existent here, remember? And even in the real world even pretty things can hurt you."

" So pointed a remark. A veiled reference to your ex, I suppose."

" No. She actually reminds me of trees."

" The girl reminds you of trees. Okay."

" I wrote a poem about it while I was wandering out here. You could read it, if you want." He said, suddenly sounding shy.

" You're a poet? I would never have guessed."

" I'm not good or anything, but sometimes it helps to put feelings into words. It makes them both more and less real at the same time…it's hard to explain."

" I understand what you mean. And I'd like to read that poem, too."

He pulled a small worn notebook out of his knapsack, handing it to her after turning to the right page. She smiled as she took it from him and began to read it.

" I'm not a great judge of poetry, but this sounds good to me Comfrey. You seem to have talent."

" I guess you aren't a good judge of it if you think that one is good," He said grinning. " What about you? Do you have a boyfriend anxiously waiting for you back home?"

Her eyes clouded. " No. I'm not looking for one either."

" Ah, was I just not being politically correct when I said boyfriend…?"

" No! Nothing like that. I just…don't want to hurt anyone."

" What's that supposed to mean?"

" Nothing." She said, refusing to say anything more. She swatted away a butterfly that had swooped towards her with the intent to bite. It fell to the ground and lay just lay there, as purple as a bruise.

They walked in silence, she not wanting to talk, and he polite enough to let her brood in peace. As the day wore on the sounds in the woods got quieter and quieter, as if the things that lived within felt the need to sulk and stalk without noise to break their concentration. The woods were so quiet that Katie almost dismissed the sound that she finally heard as something in her imagination. Taking his arm to get him to stop walking, she motioned to Comfrey to listen carefully. There was definitely a noise, Katie was sure, and it sounded a lot like a whimper of pain. Walking as softly as she could, she headed towards the noise. Comfrey walked right behind her. They both blinked in surprise when they reached the source of the noise. A wolf, no more than six months old, with a coat so black it shone blue in the dying light, had a forepaw cruelly caught in the jaws of a steel trap. Katie made a pitying noise in her throat. " The poor thing. We should try to get it free."

" What if he doesn't realize that we're trying to help him? I don't want to get a bite for our troubles."

" I don't-"

" Raven not bite." They spun towards the wolf, startled. The wolf looked up at them, and, even with pain dulled eyes, seemed to grin at them. "Raven not bite," It repeated emphatically.

" A talking wolf!" Katie exclaimed, noting from Comfrey's equally shocked look that talking animals must be unusual for even here.

" Help Raven? Paw hurt terribly. Won't bite or snarl, promise."

Katie held the wolf's body steady as Comfrey pried the trap off his paw. To their dismay a jagged cut bled sluggishly where the trap had held the paw fast. Remembering the small first aid kit that her mother insisted that she bring with her, Katie rummaged through it until she found rolls of gauze and tape. The wolf glanced at her quizzically as she wrapped the injured paw. "Raven? This will keep the sore from getting dirty, so it can heal well. You mustn't take it off. Understand?" She felt foolish for talking to an animal as she would a person.

" Won't take off. Want get better. Hurt less now. Much thank."

Comfrey looked at the wolf. " Raven. You're a young thing, too young to be on your own. Where is your mother? Your litter mates?"

The wolf gave a sad little howl. "Gone. All gone. Bad take. Raven alone. All alone…" Katie felt bad for him and stroked his furry head. Something large crashed through the under-growth, and she could feel the wolf tremble under hand. She trembled too.

" Katie, we need to stop for the night soon. Let's look for a place to make camp, and a fire. We'll need the fire for warmth, and probably for protection."

" What about Raven? We can't just leave him here, alone and hurt. Do you mind if he comes with us?"

"If he wants to come along, sure. A wolf might be a good friend to have before this is all over." He remarked rather cryptically.

A short time later they found a place to camp near water. At first wolf backed away from the fire in terror, but then seeing Katie and Comfrey's comfort around it seemed to come to an uneasy truce with it. They tried to sleep around the fire, with Raven curled up between the two humans. Katie sensed a light in the trees, and rolled onto her side in order to see it better. The moon, displaced from its spot within the heavens, crept among the trees, its light shining dully within the forest. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, hoping that sleep might block out the sight of that wandering moon.

The box, made of gleaming cherry wood, beckoned to Katie. Biting back a moan, she walked towards it, unwillingly. She knew what was in it. She didn't want to look inside of it. Yet she was still compelled to go to she was helpless to keep her feet from walking. As she got closer its form became more defined. A seven foot long box. She touched the box, so smooth and cold, willing her fingers not to obey the urge to open it. All the mourners turned to look at her. They all shook their fingers, chanting" it's all your fault". As if they were home team fans at a hockey game and she was the goalie on the opposing team who'd just lost the game. They all started to move towards her, still chanting, closing in on her. She screamed…

One of them grabbed her, saying her name over and over again, and she tried to fight him off. He shook her, and forced her to open her eyes. It was Comfrey. The dream quickly shattered, but the fear, and the guilt, clung still like cobwebs. She blinked and realized that Comfrey was talking to her. "…me what's wrong."

" What?"

" I said, tell me what's wrong."

" Nothing."

" Tell me what your nightmare was about. Tell me what that haunted look in your eyes means. I told you what I was afraid of. Turn about is fair play."

" What is it to you anyway? Why are you interrogating me?"

" I'm not interrogating you, I'm just trying to help you. I'm trying to be your friend, and friends care about one another."

" I never asked you to be my friend!"

" Come on, Katie. Everybody needs friends. Everybody does."

" Not me. I don't need a friend. I don't need anyone to worry about."

Raven whimpered and licked Katie's hand. "No fight." She reached down and ruffled the fur on the wolf's neck. After adjusting her knapsack she, she turned to Comfrey and held out her hand as a peace offering." Let's just go."

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