MY LAWS

1. CONCERNING THE DISPOSITION OF FORMER TYRANTS AND THEIR LACKEYS

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All officials for prior regimes, known as TYRANTS, and their employees, contractors and other associates, known as LACKEYS, shall be governed according to the laws of their own regime. If they are found to be in violation of those laws, their punishment shall also be according to their own laws.

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"Stolen" means "obtained or accomplished by theft." "Theft" means "the obtaining of property without the consent of its rightful owner"

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"Taxation" is the taking of property from people without their consent. Therefore, taxation is theft.

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Whereas taxation is theft, all property obtained by taxation is stolen property.

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Those who receive or have received property obtained via taxation have received stolen property.

1-6
Receiving Stolen Property was forbidden by all levels of government in all former regimes, including the United States and its subdivisions.

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All tyrants and lackeys have received money and/or other property obtained by taxation, i.e. stolen property. Thus all tyrants and lackeys are guilty of receiving stolen property.

1-8
The Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution Of The United States allows that any person convicted of a crime may be made a slave.

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In accordance with the Thirteenth Amendment of their own Constitution, all tyrants and lackeys of the former United States shall be made slaves for the rest of their natural lives.

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Tyrants and lackeys of other regimes shall be punished according to their own laws.



2. PUBLIC RESTROOMS

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Public restrooms (PRs) must include at least 3 units, of which at least two must be toilets, i.e. the kind you sit on.

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Toilets must be surrounded by barriers, i.e. stalls.

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Toilets and stalls must be of sufficient size to accomodate a man of 7-foot (210cm) height and 400lb (180kg) weight.

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Stalls must have monkeybars - in other words, all stalls must be "handicapped" stalls.

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Men's and women's PRs in any given establishment must have the same number of units.

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All units must be equipped with manual flushing devices. This does not prohibit automatic flushing devices; both may be used, but manual flushers must always be provided.

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Toilet paper rolls must be mounted no less than 3 ft. (90cm) above the floor, may not cross a vertical plane tangent to the front of the toilet (i.e. don't hang'em too close!!) and must be above the monekybars.

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Stall doors must have locks which are easy to operate and cannot be easily opened by pushing on the door.

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Stall side walls must be firmly mounted and may not move enough to un-hitch the stall door lock.

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Stall doors must open outawrd into the restroom, not into the stall.

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Sinks must have manual-start water flow only. Water flow may be shut off (but not started) automatically.

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Sinks must have at least 6 in. (15cm) of flat countertop on either side, and 1 ft. (30cm) between sinks.

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Sinks must have manual temperature controls, and cold water must be provided; hot is optional.

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Baby changing stations must be placed in stalls exclusively set aside for that purpose, which do not contain a toilet or urinal.

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All restrooms must be provided with paper or towels or both for hand-drying.

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Electrical drying devices are prohibited

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Stalls must have lights shining directly into them, and these lights must be mounted no less than 3 ft (90cm) from the rear wall.

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All units must be provided with shelves no less than 1 ft (30cm) deep and 2 ft. (60cm) wide above them

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Urinals must have troughs low enough that even a little boy or a midget can use them.

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Sinks must have mirrors behind them which are no less than 1 ft (30cm) wide and 1 ft. (30cm) high.

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Reading in stalls is forbidden.

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It is forbidden to use a toilet for urination only, unless all urinals are being used at the time.

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PRs must be inspected a minimum of once every hour.

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All businesses must provide restrooms for their customers, and these PRs must be in working order when the business is open. If their PRs are "out of order," the business must be closed until their PRs are "IN order," goddammit!!

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Empty toilet paper rolls must be replaced immediately.

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Gigantic toilet paper rolls are forbidden. Toilet paper rolls may be no larger than 6 in. (15cm) and no heavier than 8 oz. (230g)

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Toilet paper must be easy to unroll. Those dispensers that let one roll flomp down on another, making them kludge each other up so you can't unroll either one of them, are forbidden.

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Toilet paper dispensers must mount the paper on something that actually rolls and does not deform the roll in any way. That is, the kind that do not roll at all, or are so stiff you can't turn the damned thing, or are lopsided so it won't unroll, are forbidden.

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Toilet paper dispensers must be of such a design that an old fart with arthritis can get the roll off the dispenser if need be, even if it is brand new and hasn't even been used.

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There may be *NO* locking mechanisms on toilet paper dispensers.

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Persons who install toilet paper must "start" the roll, i.e. pull the stuck-together part off so it will unroll. This must be done *without* tearing the paper side-to-side. Anyone who fails to perform this task will be held liable for damages that result.

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It is forbidden for any person to leave a stall where the paper had been torn side-to-side. All toilet paper must be left in a rollable, useable condition.

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If all these rules about toilets make people laugh at my Imperial Administration, well, good. Government shouldn't be respected.





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