Now, I have always been a watch-wearing kind of guy. My first watch was a Spiro Agnew campaign watch which didn't work (how appropriate!) but it looked cool. My second was a black digital with LED readout (remember those?) which couldn't be read in any lighting conditions besides pitch darkness. I wore my Dad's calendar watch for a while after he died, but it hurt too much to be reminded of him.

Since then I've had a succession of Timex digitals which, in my opinion, have gotten steadily worse over the years. My first had a musical alarm, as did my second; the third had only an annoying screech alarm, as does my current one, which is why I don't use the alarm. I still do wear my watch everywhere except the shower though: I wear it so much I don't need a clock, and I don't own one. It's kept on 24-hour time too, a practice I wish everyone would adopt as it saves you from mistaking dusk for dawn, a problem I've had in the past.

So WHAT THE **FUCK** IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE who don't wear watches at all!?

I swear, at least 10 times on any given day I am asked what fucking time it is. I *HATE* this!! Look, if someone needs to know what time it is, like they have an appointment or a bus to catch, then they should *WEAR A FUCKING WATCH*, am I right? Of course I'm right!! What the fuck is the matter with these people!!

The Race Factor

I'll tell you something else too, for which I will be roundly condemned: most of them are black. Nine times out of the average of 10, when I hear The Question I will look up and see a black face, not a white one. Why? What is it about blacks that they can't wear a goddamned watch? Are they allergic to time itself? Maybe the real question is, why are they always bugging a white man about it? The obvious answer is that they can't ask a black - blacks don't wear watches!! But I dunno; some of them do. I think it's more like, they crave attention from white people. Either that or they just like to irritate white people. Whatever it is, I'm getting pretty pissed.

For the record, I've gotten The Question from whites too. When a white asks me for the time, I have noticed they usually have the same look about them: casually dressed, smiling, oblivious to anything and their voice is usually whispery and precious like they think they're goddamned Jackie Kennedy or something. In other words they're usually fags, except if they're rich women, i.e. fag hags.

Do I detect a pattern of IRRESPONSIBILITY here??

To get a little satisfaction, since I can't grab them by the neck and whack their heads with a mallet, I have started demanding a little tit for tat: you tell me why you don't wear a watch, and I'll tell you what time it is. Most of them are deeply offended, but some will answer. I'm true to my word too: if I get a reason, they get the time, and nothing otherwise.

Here are the answers I've received so far, along with a notation of whether the dumbass was white or black:

• "Mine is in the shop." (B)
• "Hee-hee, oh I lose'em if I wear'em!" (W) -- obviously a FAG!!
• "I can't stand to wear anything on my arm." (B)
• "Because I used to live in Mexico, and everything's manana" (W) -- a woman this time