Thanks to Sam Smith for contributing this page.

In Defense of Bill Clinton: Six Reasons Why It Wasn't Actually A Sexual Relationship

1. "I kept one foot flat on the floor at all times."

2. "I had my fingers crossed when I asked her."

3. "She had her legs crossed when she accepted."

4. "Actually, I only had sex with her dress."

5. "Actually, since I'm the one that bought it, I only had sex with MY dress."

6. "I tried. Honest, I really tried. I just couldn't impale!"