The Polyamoric Lifestyle

"Polyamory--the freedom to be sexually involved with more than one person." -Hank Hyena

"It's not for everybody...Some people are strictly monogamous by orientation. But lots of people are just monogamous because they're ingrained with it. It's a cultural monolith. They don't have to accept it; there are polyamorous options."

Sara, a bisexual woman, was involved with Dave, a straight man. Dave got involved with Helen. Helen was very jealous of Sara, and demanded that Dave leave Sara. Sara understood Helen's feelings, so she encouraged Dave to spend more time with Helen to help her feel more secure. Sara also called Helen to reassure her that she welcomed her and wanted to cooperate to make this work out for all three of them. After a few months Helen gradually became less jealous and stopped making such extreme demands for Dave's time and attention.

Beth and Mark had agreed to an open relationship, but Beth was very jealous when Mark told her that he wanted to start a relationship with Janet. Beth asked Mark and Janet to give her a month to get used to the idea before becoming sexually involved, and they agreed to wait. As Beth got to know Janet she decided that Mark had excellent taste in women, and she gave them the green light to have a sexual relationship. The first few nights Mark spent with Janet were very hard for Beth; she couldn't sleep and was very frightened about the future, but she waited it out and her jealousy faded. Because she felt she had some control over the situation and had a voice in how it unfolded, her jealousy was minimized." -Kathy Labriola

Well, I think I am going to have to get to it. But for now I'm going to put up some links that I was going to take quotes out of, but I'm not going to get to it right now:

Jealousy in Open Relationships
Models and Transitions

Why is this stuff coming up again, you ask?

It was 2:15 p.m., and I had finally finished my paper, I finally managed to do it and overcome the incessant daydreaming about Remington, aren't you proud? So I went on IRC to share my joy, and he was on it. And we got into chatting...yes, he was in Berkeley last night, but he went on IRC RIGHT AFTER I'd gotten off...ugh, ugh.

(I don't know if there's any etiquette or not as to reproducing remarks from IRC. I'm just gonna go for it, some of this needs recording.) So, anyway, I'm all in a good mood when outta the blue he says that Zoe (the other girl) wants to send me an e-mail and is that all right. What was I supposed to say? I ask why and he answers, "um, because you both have to put up with me" (Duh. "THAT part I could figure out.") and this suggests you might have things in common and it would be helpful if we got along and nobody's feelings got hurt and nobody felt walked on (we'll get to that later). What was I supposed to say? I okayed it being forwarded (she sent it to him to send to me, yes, he's read it), but claimed I'd read it when I was through with reading my other pointless e-mail. I was going to have to read it anyway,I would rather prefer to NOT be talking to him while I did it, so I stalled and didn't let him know I was reading it just before I left for class. I think he wanted to be around when I read it...but hahahahahahhaha, I don't think so.

So I read it, and then went to class all annoyed and stressed out. Why does my life have to be complicated???? Why, why, why???? Can't anything go simply for a change??? I'm not mad at her, don't think that, she's probably a very nice person...I'm annoyed with him for dragging me into another complicated situation is how I feel. Stepped on, maybe? More like now there's two of 'em dragging me into a bizarre situation...one popping up out of the unknown.

Okay, okay, I'll explain her e-mail by paraphrase...

She just thought we should meet (or as she put in parentheses, this is sort of meeting). Thought we should get to know each other and feel comfortable in case we ran into each other and not feel awkward. (Which led to my thought of "You live in Santa Cruz. How's that going to happen?") She figured that he has good taste and that she'd like me. Goes on to explain her polyamory bit...does sound like the resources I was looking up on the subject to some extent. She doesn't mind sharing someone so long as she doesn't feel like they're going to leave her...(odd thought to me, that she'd be worried about being dumped...somehow I couldn't imagine that would be a worry when you practice that...okay, that's probably a silly thing to think.) She's happy he has someone to sleep with more often (NO, that does not necessarily mean what you think, I'm still not answering that question. But oh, good lord...I shudder to think what he's told her about me. In THAT respect. I wanna whine "Didya HAVE to?", but, well, uh, yeah, I suppose. Geez.) She's happy so long as he's not dumping her, basically, and he said he's not going to, said she'd loved him as a friend long before becoming the girlfriend.

He told her that I don't want to see anyone else (geez, didya have to???), said that she doesn't think he's good at the "balancing" that this takes, so it's up to us. But if I hope they'll break up...we all have a problem.

(No comment.)

Wants me to write back, tell about myself, she does the same, then a we women have to stick together bit.

How bizarre is this? How confusing. Meeting? Geez, that seems really weird. Don't get me wrong, she sounds like I'd probably like her, but then again, it's just so, well...unexplainable to most of the people I know? Geez, when the relatives hear about THIS ONE...oh God. Then again, the whole situation is odd to me too. I knew what polyamory was before this- one site I look at, the guy used to do it, so I read the FAQ. I remember thinking "Well, if you can work it out, go for it...too confusing for me though." Hahahaha, little did I know I'd get myself into this situation...KNOWINGLY. It's getting complicated. Yes, I'm going to write back, no, I don't know what to say yet. I do know right now that I don't feel like seeing Remington like I did...I'm all feeling weirded out and having a "discussion" about this isn't going to alleviate that right now. I wanna go on IRC but he's probably on it waiting for me to show up or something. I figure he'll want to get together- heck, I should get together with him, 'cause Sarah keeps bugging me to get him to buy the booze tonight...but I don't wanna right now, okay? Lemme practice some avoidance for awhile.

Okay, okay, I'd better go on the bloody IRC and get this over with...well, maybe he's not on after all? Guess I can hope...he's not on! phew! A little less stress pour moi...okay, now this is sick, I'm now HOPING he'll go on. For like no discernable reason...force of habit maybe? Ugh. I wanna go to that dorm presentation on "intimate relationships" and if he comes over or comes on IRC I won't be able to go. Oh brother.

Update: 8:50 p.m. Have not heard from Remington. I dunno if that's good or bad or what. I had to call Sarah to say I hadn't heard from him.

Went to a workshop on "Intimate Relations" in the dorm tonight...thinking it would be on kinky stuff or something fun...well, it wasn't really, it was more like how to define the stages of a relationship and blabbing about how you should "communicate" with your partner. I didn't agree with the guy who was doing the workshop...he defines "intimate relations" as being with someone that you want to marry. Not sex, not real close bf/gf, but marriage has to be in it. What the hell? How moronic. (Not to mention real applicable in the dorms, how many of us are getting married?) I didn't call him on that one though, because when I tried to, I started out saying "I'm not gonna marry my boyfriend", and the room just went DEAD. Geez. I said "it's complicated." They went on about getting counseling if you wanted it...I could use some, but I don't think the school center could handle MY issues.

Oh, he's on IRC now...wants to go out to dinner? God, NOW I'm nervous...and I still didn't write her back yet. Oops.

"oh, um, so what did you think of that e-mail?" I said it was interesting, I'm pondering..."well, you aren't uh, mad at me or anything?" I asked why would I be. (No comment. What, you thought I'd tell him that I'm feeling irritated? Yeah, right.)

There was a misquote..he thinks he said that I didn't have any other boyfriends that he knew of, not what she said about my not wanting other boyfriends. "Ohhhhh." was my response to that.

Some sexual innuendo...I did :P~~~ at him on the regular channel, and he said put that away unless you intend to use it, I said (privately) that I'd have to use the weapon in person, he said "I can't wait. :)" "I'll bet. :P" On the regular channel I got asked about what I was going to do to him...I was reluctant to mention, he wondered why, I said "hey, you wouldn't even put in "frumple gnaws on fullmoon"- so he put it on the line. Hmmm.

Later on, some guy "fwaped" him for something or other, and privately I put /me kisses the fwaped part of frumple's anatomy.
him: aww. :) (on regular channel)
I said I guess you forgot to hit message, he said no, it was a sweet gesture, even in public.
me: awww...

I wonder if we're actually DOING anything...I'm getting a headache, and I'd sort of like to get off this and go to bed...(no comment on THAT)...I guess not, he now said he's considering cooking something himself...there's a shocker for ya. I've seen his kitchen, what food and it's uh, junky.

Wow, isn't this train-of-thought for ya...whatever drifts through the transom of my mind. An empty transom right now, and a little headachy.

Oh, I "took out my tongue weapon" again, and he said "mrow. :)" I blushed.

This is getting nauseating.

I can't believe I'm sitting here staring at a goddamn screen waiting for him to ask me out or whatever. This is ridiculous. My head's getting worse. I wanna nap. I should go get off. Just a "I'm going to get off, bye now" to him to see if that'll get him off his ass, then get off and go to bed. ALONE. But I need some excuse to get off, that won't sound like I can't go out with him. Why do I want to go out with him? I don't wanna discuss this and we'll have to in person. Good lord, I'm messed up. It's the headache, dammit. Maybe if I claim that I have to check messages I could get off? Well, I'll try it.

Well, that worked...he said he'd been waiting for Bill or Melissa to come on, he'll be getting me in I think 45 min. after he showers. He wanted to do it here, but well, my roommates'll probably show up when he does.

Wish me luck...

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