Reviews For August 9- August 16
- *****
"My Strongest Need" by John A. Wilson
Five. Excellent. The ending made me laugh out loud.
Alice in Wordland
- ****
"Now What Day Today Is It?" by R.L. Walker
I'd give it a four. It could use a little tightening up so it doesn't belabor the point quite so much. And I don't understand how the moral relates to the point of the poem, but that could be just me.
Alice in Wordland
- *****
"Shattered Dreams"by Kathryn Charak
I give it a five because I write poems and all my friends do too (we're all downtown Hamilton teenagers) and not a lot of poems move me because I'm very picky with poems
and if its not the best then I don't like it but I believe this teenager has a talent.
Krystal .D. Jackson
- ****
Clarity By Roderick Young
Your story got better as you went along. The content was good from the
get-go, but it was not the relaxed tone that showed up later. So, I like the
oh-so-human aspect of this piece. LOl---forget your high school English
teacher, and relax your tone; you have talent. Read your work out loud and
then ask, "Did that sound O.K. Is that how I really talk, think, walk?"
Good job--hope you don't mind my suggestions. You can take what I say or
leave it.
g.Davis
- *****
The Window By Robyn Porter
Excellent title in more than one way. Your writing style is excellent, the
reader must keep on reading. Your content, organization--all great. What I
especially liked, was when you identified with this child, I was afraid of a
long flashback, and that didn't happen.
Excellent piece-
5 rating (wish I could give you more!)
G.Davis
- *****
"Untitled" By Guy Walsh
very deep and flows very well in aspeedy manner which gives the reader a sense of urgency that a poem of lost love (i think thats what its about) needs.
Anonymous
- *****
Crash by Andre Morrissen
Your writing style is excellent; you write with great description, yet
nothing needing cutting. The portrayal played itself out so well that my
body was tensing.
Obviously, this calls for a 5 rating.
I do wonder though, when he calls her name, I thought--how does he know her
name, and I'm just wondering if you should come out and say that he saw it
was; you wouldn't have to mention the connection between the two.
Moving piece.
g.
- *****
Black, Heart Of Dixie, Inside By Jared Simmons
I have to give all three of Jared's poems a five. He has tackled a very sensitive topic and said what he feels very, very well. I would not want to be a black person in the U.S., because, as he says, people just seem to hide their hate a little better than they used to. Prejudice is one of the biggest crimes, in my opinion. Everyone is the same colour on the inside, and it's about time the world learned this.
Alice in Wordland
- **
My Strongest Need By John A. wilson
I feel that the poem "My Strongest Need" was funny, but I would only rate it with a 2, mainly because I feel that it misuses the senses. If they were used differently, I think that it would have been more effective and therefore a better, more enjoyable peice. Sorry.
SD
- *****
"Drowning In Fear" By Samantha Mullen
I feel that Samantha Mullen's "Drowning in Fear" is a wonderful peice. It is obvious that she is going through a time where she feels that she is holding on to the past with a mere thread. But she realizes that she just has to hold on a little longer, and everything will be okay.
SD
- ****
The E.T. Connection By Geraldine Cook Davis
What I really liked about this was the author's voice coming
through, which led me to look at the scenes in question
just as she must have. It pulled at me, yet I saw the author's
humor and resolve to continue life.
Lynne
- *****
"Yes, I'm In A Clique"Nathan Black
Five Stars...Setting aside obvious writing talent, richly and
deeply embedded within the body of this article, it's real value, (from
my point of view,) lies in Nathan's personal insight, his sense of
fairness and positive attitudes. I am not surprised your article, "Yes,
I'm in a Clique" has reached "Legend" status. Your pen, my Friend, is
mightier than any "Sword!"
(R.L. Walker)
- *****
The E.T. Connection By Geraldine Cook Davis
The E.T. Connection by Geradine Cook rates a 10. Give it the highest rating
you have.
Sweet Will
- *****
DaydreamsBy Loyal Wray
Terrific - funny, multidimensional, serial - he reminds me of how I
catastrophize about things
PJ
- *****
Holding Hands By Loyal Wray
Loyal takes a simple action and looks at it from so many perspectives. He
gives me pause to take time and reflect. Suddenly, the simple act of
touching another person holds greater meaning.
PJ
- ***
Clarity By Roderick Young
The escalating "failures" in this story are what make it a story. Initially,
it was a bit mechanical: I did this, then I did this, then I did this. But
about half-way through he seemed to really get into his story, and then it
became more creative and enjoyable to read.
PJ
- ****
"The E.T. Connection"
By Wayne Stone
Touching story...not at all contrived. Surprising turn from humor to gravity.
PJ
- *****
My Hero
By Colleen Sweeney
This piece drew me in immediately, the structure, description and dialogue
were all very good but the ending brought me to my knees. The description
of her and her mother in the car and the sounds of the funeral said a whole
lot in just a few words. Well put. Normally I don't like sad pieces, there
are a million stories out there similar to this one, but for some reason,
this piece felt different, as if a whole life time were described so
elloquently in a few short paragraphs. I guess it was because it was
written so well that I appreciated the moment.
diana
- *****
The E.T. Connection
By Geraldine Cook Davis
I enjoyed the story, I liked the way she brought it to an end however, I
think it should end with a question mark otherwise one is not sure of the
intent of the sentence until you re-read it.
Diana Keeton
- ***
The Traveling Walls
By John A. Wilson
The concept was good, but the flow was inhibited by being too wordy. It
needs to be gone over and he needs to cut a lot of unneccesary verbabge,
preps and incidentals that don't relate to the stories movment.
Diana
Keeton
- *****
Ten Pens
By Geraldine Cook Davis
I rate the short story "Ten Pens" a five. It was unique, cute and I loved
the read of something slightly different with a surprise end.
Diana Keeton
- ****
"Mirror"
By C.R. Sweeney
I'm afraid I'll have to give this a four. Very good, and right on when it comes to the relating department, but it could have used a little more work before posting, only a few small changes would have made it flow better.
Alice in Wordland
- *****
"Liz"
By Diana Keeton
What a wonderful story! It captured me from the first few sentences and I
never wandered. About 2/3 through the article I wanted to put it down,
finding myself so attached to the woman that I did not want to read that her
son rejected her. Yet instead, the author came up with a different scenario
altogether. Diana left me to create my own endings over and over again.
Terrific - 5
PJ
- ****
"My Hero"
By Colleen Sweeney
Oh, Colleen, not fair!!! Here I was enjoying this light-hearted story about
a little boy and his sister and then, zap, a shudder in my heart and tears in
my eyes.
My only concern is that I had to reread the first two paragraphs to get into
the story. I think the "peeing in pants" distracted me cuz I couldn't relate
to that description. It took me a while to remember that some folks have that
reaction to cold water.
PJ
- *****
"A Simple Man"
By Loyal Wray
Billy taps into the tenderest part of me. He brings out all of my empathy
with none of the pity....Initially this story was "touching" - I felt for
this dear human being. But as I thought about it through the subsequent
days, I found deeper reactions, more complicated reactions, as when peeling a
pomegranite one discovers so many more features within. How Loyal captures
so many qualities in so few words is beyond my ken.
PJ
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