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29 September is the commemoration, in some Christian denominations, of St. Michael and the other angels. Referees who wish to include a bit of Christian lore in their campaigns may enjoy an encounter something like this. The Heavenly Jordan runs through the Upper Planes, except through Seventh Heaven, and probably can be accessed from the astral, but might be hard to find, or very hard to navigate, or perhaps even impossible to cross without divine aid. Its appearance might be variable, perhaps sometimes a river, sometimes an expanse of arctic waste or outer space, sometimes some other barrier. The boatman of the Heavenly Jordan is Michael. Should good people find themselves in trouble in the ocean of First Heaven, or anywhere on the Jordan, Michael is likely to arrive in his rowboat (clipper ship, spaceship, snowmobile, whatever). Anyone singing the first verse of the familiar song will summon Michael in one round, as will a sincere call for help. Michael is ubiquitous, nearly omniscienct, and very kind. He will sprinkle the visitors with Jordan water (equivalent of a dowsing with holy water, and afterwards good folk glow, neutrals are wet, and evils appear filthy). There may some newly-dead good souls along as well -- perhaps friends of the adventurers, or any innocent bystanders they have killed. Michael likes to talk. He will begin by asking each visitor what he or she values, what he or she wants out of life, and his or her reasons for belief or nonbelief. The quality of the bullsession (in the real game) might determine the speed at which the destination is reached, and whether there are encounters. He will not allow his passengers to be harmed. If attacked, Michael will fight back, as gently as possible, using his oar (subduing damage only), or casting any spell once per round, with an emphasis on charm, sleep, and hold spells. If reduced to zero hit points, Michael and the boat disappear, dowsing all passengers in the Jordan once again. Michael and the boat reappear and rescue the attackers one round later. It's a chance for the referee to introduce humour, and to allow characters to let down their guard and talk about their ultimate motives. And perhaps a bit of Christian lore will lighten up a day for some players.
© 1996 by Ed Friedlander, M.D.
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