Don't you just love to read funny things that make you laugh and brighten up your day? Well here is your chance. I'll try to update this page as often as possible so if you have a list of top ten's or anything else that you find funny why not e-mail me at hehe7@oocities.com

TOP TEN SIGNS THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WIN THE MISS AMERICA PAGEANT

10. Instead of putting Vaseline on your teeth, you use chunky peanut butter.
9. You're Miss New York and your talent is giving the finger.
8. After your musical number, Regis turns to Kathie Lee and says, "Wow! That really sucked!".
7. Your flask is bulging under your evening gown.
6. During the interview portion, you announce the man you most admire is your pimp.
5. Someone's replaced your "Miss Kentucky" sash with one that reads "Sanitized for your protection".
4. Stunned silence when you finish your act: draining a jar of mayonnaise with a straw.
3. You're an anteater and you notice all the judges are ants! (Crazy Cartoon World Miss America Pageant only).
2. You're pretty, but there's no getting around the fact that your name is Carl and you're a longshoreman.
1. Officials discover you've corked your bra.

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WIN A NOBEL PRIZE

10. For the past ten years, your left thumb has been stuck in a test tube
9. You built an artifical heart, but it's the size of a bread truck
8. Your theory of relativity is E=MC Hammer
7. You believe that to win, you must be the hundredth caller
6. Closest you've ever come to conducting a scientific experiment: Putting a sleeping friend's hand in warm water
5. You keep brushing off the clumsy passes the Nobel Prize Committee makes at you
4. If you could, you would share the award with your partner, Beavis
3. They just don't have a category for "Shotgunning Six-Packs"
2. Despite all your brilliant ideas, the nurses wont let you have anything sharp to write them down with
1. Title of your doctoral dissertation: "Yee-ouch! Them Pins Is Pointy!"

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