Tuesday, November 7, 2000. 19:19.
Happy Election Day! I know, big shit. Election Day isn't really a holiday, but it's on the calender, so I guess it's technically a holiday. Looks like George Bush is gonna take the presidency. And I guess you're all wondering where I stand on the issue. Personally I think he sucks. I mean, he's an elitist, he didn't do jack shit until the age of 40, had everything handed to him from his dad. How's that for Christmas? I can see George Sr. talkin to George Dubya: "Ok son, here's a free ride through life, everything paid for, why don't you go and run Texas for awhile, then try acting like you're president while I call the shots...you just go off and do coke, and oh yeah before I forget, here's the Texas Rangers." Oh well, time well tell to see how bad he screws us all. Not that Gore wouldn't have screwed us too, Bush will just screw us more.
I am so behind in terms of schoolwork. Being sick has really set me back that I will be kicking it into overdrive to get all my work done. I will probably ditch Target a week early so that I can have time to study for my final exams. Tomorrow I'll need to fix things with my shipment and student loans. Hopefully that will work out ok. I'm about to revert back to one of my old looks, a look I had two years ago. It seemed to fit me better for one and I also had better luck with girls. I'm sure changing my image again will not affect the latter, but I don't care anymore. One side is really taking me over, and I guess it's about time I let it. Nothing I do or try makes a difference in life anymore. It's just one big pile of repetition. The last time I changed my image, my life turned around in a period of 72 hours, then took a real turn towards improvement less than two months later. Will it happen again? No, not really. Doubt it. Lightning does not strike twice. I just hope I don't get any lame-ass looks like my life is going down the tubes and people want to schedule an intervention. I don't have time for that, I have papers to write, movies to see, comics to read. I also like reading email though, I wrote about six emails today to people I barely know (internet friends) to see if I can get some new perspective on life. You know, different views. Or maybe I'm just lookin for new friends. Always good to make new friends. Just sucks to lose them too.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.

Saturday, November 11, 2000. 23:37.
It sucks feeling the way I feel. It sucks having the need to write about it and then have people read it and think I'm some kind of loser. I'm not even trying to find happiness or fun anymore. I had set my mind to ask this girl out tonight, then when I got up this morning I was just like, "What's the point?" What's the point of anything really? This world is getting more and more ugly every time the sun rises. I see the ugliness with the stupid customers I deal with at work. I see the ugliness in the people I try to build friendships with. I see it in the people from my past, and even in myself in my future. Even though the person I'm turning into is not the person I want to be, I really don't give a damn cause I'm sure there aren't many who do. To be more clear, on the outside the changes are small. You might not notice if you talk to me. It's on the inside that everything is going haywire. I seem to be going through a lot of the stuff from two years ago. I checked my entries in week 8 to see what I was goin through and what I was goin through during that time. A lot of the same stuff, though this time I'm not sure if I'll be able to pull myself out of it. Actually last time around, I wasn't even the one who pulled myself out of the rock bottom depression, Amy was. Can't believe I admitted that cause that whole ordeal is not one of my favorite subjects. But who knows where I would have been if it weren't for those three months of happiness. Sometimes I wonder if those three months actually happened. In a short time I will be making my return to Cuba and I'll get to hang out with some of the most fun people in the world. So right now my motivation is to survive the next six weeks, get through every obstacle. Then I can have some fun. When I have fun I can store the memories to get me through the hard times. Too bad I used up all my fun memories a month ago and the depression is sucking more life out of me. Ok, I guess I should stop before I get more people weirded out.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.

Tuesday, November 14, 2000. 10:10.
Here I am in the student center lab at Kean, continuing to put off writing my paper for Intro to Politics. I just can't get into it, I only wanna do another page and a half. Right now I'm cutting a few classes to get it done. Nothin's goin on right now, I need some kind of inspiration. Oh shit, I hope that being depressed all the time isn't affecting my schoolwork. If it is, fuck that cause I'm stopping this entry right now to get back on track with the paper.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.

Tuesday, November 14, 2000. 13:59.
Ok, so I finished my paper. The important thing is that it's done, even though it's the worst paper I've probably ever written. I'm not expecting too much on this one. I'll have to rely on the test and notebook grades for this one. It's for my intro to politics course, a class that's required for my major. Later I'll have to go to the class which meets once a month. What sucks is that I have such little time to watch TV. I have a tape of the last X-Files episode that I have yet to watch, and I forgot to set a tape for Buffy/Angel tonight. Hopefully I'll get home in time to catch some of it and also watch Dark Angel. I originally had this upcoming Friday and Saturday off, now I have to work on Friday morning but there is no way in hell I'm working at all on Saturday. Not with all the bullshit that is going on with unruly customers at Target this holiday season. I swear I'm a lawsuit just waiting to happen the next time someone pisses me off. Hopefully this weekend I'll do somethin fun, like hit Atlantic City or chill with some new friends. If all else fails I'll probably end up in some tattoo parlor getting inked again.
The election is still up in the air. Man who saw that one coming? Gore and Bush, Bush and Gore. I was watching an interview last night on the BBC and Prince Charles was on. I actually found myself thinking that after all this bullshit, I would take Prince Charles over Bush and Gore. Really. I want everything to be fair, that's the most important thing. I wouldn't want one shithead in there and then find out months later we shoulda put the other shithead in. Man, how confusing. Pretty soon once my dad gets up here I'll get my long awaited shipment of "stuff". Meaning my computer, pictures, swords, videos, books, and other stuff I can't remember. Lookin forward to the new computer, that's the ultimate prize. Stay tuned.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.

Monday, November 20, 2000. 17:54.
I wonder what constitutes as "real"? Are people real? Is the world real? I been having a hard time distinguishing between what is real and what is bullshit. If I believe that the bullshit is real, then I will get killed. Again. Just like I got killed in Florida. It will be a mess to clean up after I come back. Won't be fun. Seems after I get taken out by someone or something I always leave to recover. Kinda sucks. Anyway, still no president. Thanksgiving is coming, my parents are coming up, so I get to see them for a few hours. Then on Friday comes the biggest shopping day of the year. Black Friday...or as Target calls it, Green Friday. Or as I like to call it, "The day where if you give me any bullshit I will pull out your soul." The Target crew plans to go out after work to recover, we'll probably hit Friday's or Denny's. So if you see a bunch of blokes in Red and Khaki, it's us. Approach with caution.
Didn't mean to bother anyone with this, just had to get that off my chest.