|
Welcome to the Forbidden Forest, where wild animals roam, pounce on you and piss on your leg. I hope you brought your hunting rifle, you’ll be needing it. There's lots to do here. Feel free to smell the flowers, climb the trees, dance around naked and converse with the animals. |
Do you remember Disney’s Aladdin during the ending where Aladdin could have been a prince instead of freeing the genie? Why didn’t he wish to be a prince THEN give the lamp to Jasmine who could have wished for the genie’s freedom? Another thing I’ve learned from cartoons: a single tie or a single shirt is all you need to be completely dressed. Now that it’s all over, how many hundreds of hours have you put into your webpage only to have 5 people wander in and find out that you like the X-files? Or Friends? Maybe I get all those chain letters every month are because I don’t forward any of them... You can pick on your friends, you can pick on your nose but you can’t pick your friend’s nose. Just a list of words and their present-day meanings... When a person says "get down!" Do you... How is "croissant" pronounced? "krossant"? "quosant"? "krosann"? "quosann"? How come ICAns can go into Xavier School but Xavierians can’t go into ICA? (the undying question) Studying "wildlife" is all about... Did you know that the Yellow Power Ranger was originally a boy? That would explain why that ranger has no "skirt" unlike the pink one. MACARENA! The dance for the rhythmically impaired! (please, shoot me first!) The drug problem is getting worse! Drug Stores are everywhere but no one seems to do anything about it! A friend of mine wants to be a carpenter so he can screw around and bang a few things. The Coyote has all the resources to buy ACME tools but has none to buy a decent meal. There was never a younger version of Wonderwoman. Superman = Superboy, Batman = Robin, Aquaman = Aqualad, Green Arrow = Speedy. Go figure! A pre-pubescent, teenage girl wearing a swimsuit for a costume while swinging a lasso wouldn’t be appealing. It would be called sluttish. Why would anyone want to buy a Tamagotchi (a virtual pet) for outrageous prices like 300 dollars?! You can get a real thing for a fraction of the cost. If at first you don’t succeed... nakakahiya ka! My "Golden Retriever" isn’t golden and doesn’t retrieve anything. My "German Shepherd" neither understands German or takes care of the sheep. But my "Pug" does run into the walls. How do the Smurfs procreate? There's Smurfette and 99 other miscellaneous male Smurfs. Now it can be told! Yoda is really...your old pal Grover! Does a finger fing? If you want to abstain during Holy Week, does eating scrambled eggs mean that you're eating chicken meat? Birdie represents the chicken. Hamburglar represents hamburgers. The Frie Kids represent french fries. What the hell is Grimace supposed to be!? Why are there two Ronald McDonalds at McDonalds Greenhills (in the Philippines)? Wouldn't it be traumatic to some kid who sees Ronald waving at the street while sitting on a bench by the door at the same time? If they say you get a free hamburger for every 2 hamburgers you order, can you get half a hamburger free if you order one? Or a free hamburger if you order none? How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Who gives a damn! Why do they call it Applejacks? They don't taste anything like apples. Why do people ask you if they "look" okay if what they want you to say "yes"? Doesn't Gambit (of X-men fame) use any cards other than the aces? If all the aces in the decks are missing...you know why. The Voltes V team supposedly practiced that torpedo-type-attack-thing for months only to use it for one episode against that Rhino Beast-fighter. The Maskmen, Fivemen, Power Rangers, etc. always chase and fight the monsters for about 25 minutes. They then blow up the monsters while they're small only to have them grow really big so they can call on their robots and battle for 3 minutes. Why don't they call the robot first, STEP on the little monster and then fight with it when they get big then finish the show in 4 minutes? How come nobody can recognize Sailormoon (or any of the Sailor Scouts) in their civilian personas when they don't wear masks in the first place? Why is it we "scrub down" to "clean up? The villain always spills out his evil plans to the hero just so that the hero can devise a way to escape and foil the villain's schemes. Something I've learned from playing computer games: The use of guns, explosives, lasers, tanks, etc. is a simple, common-sense procedure. In Baywatch, you're most likely to die of terrorists, jewel theives, and kidnappers than of drowning... BUT...if you do fall in the water, you're automatically drowning. Why do Ernie and Bert live together? They're not relatives or are under anybody. Hmmm... Why do movie monsters always kill the women in the most inappropriate times (changing clothes, naked in the shower, naked after the shower, in the bathtub, etc...)? The word "correct" means that it's "right", right? So that means that the word "incorrect" means "not right", right? If that's the case, what's the difference between "flammable" and "inflammable"? Will somebody please tell me. To those who think that He-Man and the Masters of the Universe is Racist, think again. Stratos is a costumed black man and Ram-Man looks kinda like a jew. Taking a quick look in the movies: We Russians treat our women like bears: We Germans like our women like our beer: Strong. Ever notice that the defenses of Voltes V’s base never run out of ammo but never hit anything either? Voltes V has a lot of ultraelectromagnetic-type gadgets like bazookas, tops, whips, cutters. Why does he bother carrying all that junk since he always ends up using the laser sword anyway? I think he just wants to annoy the Beast-fighter first... Try feeding your dog a milky way. Watch it try to lick the bar off the roof of it’s mouth. Watch it get LBM. Ever wonder why when people shoot Superman, all he does is stick his chest out, and yet when they throw the gun at him, he ducks? Why doesn’t Batman ever trip on his cape? Things to try: They say that the Chinese will eat anything. I think that this is a lie. Some people say that they wouldn’t eat something appetisingly called, "Leeks and Pig’s Blood" or "Black Pepper Duck’s Tongue" but then again, maybe the Chinese just don’t have words to hide these unappetising ingredients like the French do (ex: escargot = Snails) To prove this point, I have created a short list of examples of everyday foods, although without the clever disguises: If the Power Rangers get their powers from the ancient dinosaurs, that's fine. But when did a Mastodon and a Sabretooth Tiger become dinosaurs? Why do Batman, Robin, and Superman wear their underwear on the outside? Why do Batman, Robin, and Superman put belts on their underwear?
seductive.com
Get your own Free Home Page