EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

We have enough youth--how about a fountain of SMART?

All generalizations are false, including this one.

I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

If you are psychic--think "HONK."

                                Submitted by: Bob Gannett @ sig.net
ORACLE SERVICE HUMOR MAILING LIST

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