Funny Stuff Other Stuff
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Assorted Jokes
Power Memory Class An elderly couple were experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class, where they teach one to remember things by association. Later, the man was talking to a neighbor about how much the class helped him. "Who was the Instructor?" the neighbor asked. "Oh, let's see," pondered the man. "Umm...what's that flower, you know, the one that smells real nice but has those thorns...?" "A rose?" offered the neighbor. "Right," said the man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the guy we took that memory class from?"
The New Farmer A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens." "Wow!" the co-op man replies. "You must really be doing well!" "Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"
Pickup Lines 1. Girl, you look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!v 2. Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet. 3. Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me? 4. I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you. 5. Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business. 6. Ya know, you look really hot! You must be real reason for global warming.
This lady walks into a bar, and she's already a little bit tipsy. She sits down at the bar and says to the bartender, "Hey beertender, give me a dibble martooni with a pickle." So, the bartender gives her a double martini with an olive. She drinks that down and says again, "Hey beertender, give me a dibble martooni with a pickle." He gives her the second martini. Once more she drinks the martini and eats the olive and says, "Hey beertender, I think I've got heartburn. Give me a dibble martooni with a pickle." Finally fed up this lady, the bartender says, "Look lady, let's get a few things straight. First, I'm a bartender not a beertender. Second, it's a martini not a martooni and it's double not dibble. Third, it's not a pickle, it's an olive. And finally, you don't have heartburn, your tits are in the ashtray."
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