14) Nobody knows, but they found her naked behind the sofa.

13) Had 40 donuts and make a quick trip to the bathroom.

12) For kicks, told an 11-year-old girl she looked "a little chunky."

11) Got "dollfaced."

10) Same as last year -- had another rib removed.

9) Got jiggy in the barracks with G.I. Joe.

8) Drowned her sorrows in a thimbleful of Barbie Dream Gin while listening to the deafening roar of her biological clock.

7) Dumped Ken. Flashed thong at Bill. Waited for million dollar book deal.

6) Weekly tanning session in an Easy Bake oven.

5) Same as every day -- curled up on a couch watching "The View" with General Foods Viennese coffee blend and Snackwells cookies.

4) Another night searching in vain for Ken's "accessory."

3) Had a big party and invited all her plastic friends -- just like the rest of us do.

2) Ransacked the house looking for that arm the dog chewed off.

1) Gave Ken a red marker and let him draw some nipples.