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THINGS THAT WILL GET YOU KICKED OUT OF THE MISS AMERICA PAGEANT

John Boy

9. Constantly yelling "Gong her!" during the talent competition

8. They look it up and find out there is no "East Dakota"

7. Three Words: Painful chronic hiccups

6. Putting Vaseline over your entire face

5. Wearing a sash that says SCREW YOU

4. Your talent? Disemboweling a ferret with a soup spoon

3. Shouting to judges, "Don't forget last night at the Marriott!"

2. You don't give a rat's @$$ about world peace

1. Stop smiling for a couple of seconds