We interrupt this transmission to bring you a news bulletin

 

There has been a serious outbreak of taboo.

Believed to have originated with an embarrassed murmur deep in the slums of downtown Slough late this morning, it evaded capture by multiplying and making good across open farmland. Its progress was tracked, a blockade was set up on the M4 near Cholesbury, but within an hour the taboo had married into the thought process of almost every British district. By about two, the affliction was becoming dangerously inbred, and any mention of the taboo led to a rabid beating from otherwise sane members of the public. Many were ripped limb from limb, others were eaten, and some were turned completely inside out. These measures were sadly necessary.

Some fourteen year old girls, however, seemed to find the situation funny, and caused seventy-three schools to implode by etching taboo related images into desktops during a tedious science lesson. Since then the situation has continued to violently escalate, with over ten thousand related deaths, including the mass suicide of a rebel movement of eight hundred myth exploders, who were found at the bottom of the river Thames, weighed down by their own evil words.

Westminster has refused to comment on the subject.

Every English speaking country in the world stands at great risk, except Wales, say leading scientists, which is to remain largely unaffected. They are not sure why this is, but say it is probably unfair.

This taboo is set to end us all, to end us as quickly as a rampant taboo hippopotamus ends all sense in a field of well groomed mud, so get out of the field now! Soon the only escape for non-fictional people will be to actually take shelter inside the hippopotamus' tummy, and then to gnaw an escape tunnel through its belly button, and hide in its pool of entrails until it dies either of massive internal haemorrhaging, or having no insides left.

If you are not already affected, the taboo will almost certainly rape your moral beliefs during the night, or come by post tomorrow morning.

We wish you luck.

Contributed by Kevin Burley
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