Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to
  worry.  By taking a few minutes each day for the week preceding the
  exam, and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared
  for the test.  And, best of all, you can do these simple practice
  exercises right in your home.

  Exercise #1:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight.  Strip to the waist.  Invite a
  stranger into the room.  Press the bookends against one of your breasts.
Smash the bookends together as hard as you can.  Set an appointment with
  the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

Exercise #2:
  Locate a large bench-type vise.  While standing in the most
  uncomfortable up-right position you can manage, insert your most
sensitive breast between the squeeze plates.  Hold your breath.  tighten
  down the handle on the vise until you are about to cry.  Make three more
  turns on the handle for good measure.

  Exercise #3:
  Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and
  the main box.  Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as
hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.  Hold that
  position for five seconds.  Repeat again in case the first time wasn't
  effective enough.

  Exercise #4:
  Visit your garage at three in the morning when the temperature of the
  floor is just perfect.  Take off all your warm clothes and lay
comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of
your family car.  Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your
  breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled.  Turn over and repeat for
the other side.

CONGRATULATIONS!  Now you will be properly prepared for your next
  mammogram.

more

main page

This page hosted by   Get your own Free Home Page