If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

For sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Why do psychics have to ask your name?

Corduroy pillows. They're making headlines!

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Drink 'til she's cute but stop before the wedding.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I almost had a psychic girl-friend but she left me before we met.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

I love defenceless animals, especially in a good gravy.

If you 'aint makin' waves, you 'aint kickin' hard enough!

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 7 states/provinces/counties.

If you choke a Smurf, what colour does it turn?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Shin. A device for finding furniture in the dark.

How do you tell when you've run out of invisible
ink?

Odd British Signs Resumes

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message to athena and junky