A guy is sitting at the bar drunk off his ass. In fact, he's so drunk he pukes all over himself. Then he starts crying.

The guy sitting next to him asks what's wrong.

"I'm sooo drunk, I couldn't even get my fat ass off the bar stool to go into the bathroom and puke. Instead I just sat here. Now look at me - my shirt is covered in vomit. My wife is going to kill me" the drunk cries.

"No problem," says the second guy. "Here's what you do. Put a $10 bill in your shirt pocket and place the shirt in the laundry like you normally would when you get home. When your wife finds the shirt in the laundry tell her some guy in the bar got sick and puked all over your shirt. He felt so bad, he gave you $10 to have the shirt cleaned."

"That's a great idea," says the drunk. So he goes home, puts the money in the shirt pocket puts it in the laundry and goes to bed. Sure enough, the next day his wife yells to him, "What's all over this shirt?!?"

So the drunk explains, "Remember when I went out for a few drinks after work last night? Well this guy sitting next to me got sooo drunk he puked all over me. He felt so bad he gave me $10 to have the shirt cleaned. The money is probably still in the shirt pocket."

The wife reaches in and finds 2 $10 bills. So she asks, " I thought you said he gave you $10 to have the shirt cleaned. There's $20 here."

So the man replies, "Oh, I forgot, he also shit in my pants!"

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