A little lawyer humor

Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick falls off of you when you die.
Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his a**.
Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.
Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Chelsea.
It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?) ... that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
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