kilos of crack so far this year.
"But ponds don't have legs, do they?" -- Kelly Gaughan
"Yeah, I'd like to be a fascist!" -- Me
"Two girls and a guy! That's the way it should be!" -- Heather Fink
"How do you bake no-bake cookies?" -- Susan John
"What does it smell like? Chocolate?" (Me)
"CHOCOLATE BURP!!" -- Heather Zimmerman
"She looks like a dirty dishrag that's been, like, hanging on the rack for, like, 5 days and it's all crusty and brittle." -- Erin Trithart
"Don't you ever wonder how people like that take a dump?" -- Erin
"Can I march while you guys conduct?" -- Erin
"I'd really like to see Donnie Bowers put on a tu-tu & wings & fly around like Tinkerbell!" -- Once again, Erin
"How do I get out of Applewold?" -- Yup, you guessed it, ERIN
"Pus is so gross! It's like this white stuff that comes out of seeping places." -- Erin (I'm not totally sure why this is so funny but we laughed about it in Anal Geo for about 10 minutes)
"Does it have to go through the hole?" -- Erin
"Is it just me, or are you hearing the Alma Mater?" -- Michelle Salsgiver at the tennis match.
"That's why we say the Tangent equals the stuff." -- Me in Anal Geo
"This has such weak lead!" -- Erin in Anal Geo
"I have to take these shoes off! My sweat is too sweaty!" -- Denae
"I'm losing confusion!" -- Denae
"Erin told me that if Derek asked her, she'd have a threesome with a Spice Girl." -- Kelly G.
"Yeah, EMMA!" -- Erin
"Everytime I hear that part about the Almighty, it makes me want to eat roast beef." -- Kelly Mac. Don't even ask.
"You're not the only one in this school with a photogenic memory!" -- Erin
"You're like a nympho with that calculator!" -- Erin
"You're like a Tomato Patch Kid." -- Erin
"Amy, I think I have measles on my hand. Have you ever had measles on your hand?" -- Erin
"I'm gonna cut your nose off!" -- Erin
"Go ahead! You don't have the nuts." -- Zach
"I hope not!" -- Me
"How do you know?" -- Erin
"What kind of freak are you?" -- Me
"JESUS FREAK!!!!!" -- Erin
"Why's Alicia in the hospital?" -Jes
"She's got salmonella." -- Heather Zimm
"SHE LICKED A FISH?!?" -- Jes
"What kind of distance?" -- Kelly G.
"Spotted." -- Erin
"You mean llamas don't have sex with themselves?" -- Erin
"We were talking about children born with tails in Bio and Lee Norris says, 'You mean long monkey tails or short dog tails?' and Mr. Hobaugh was like, 'Just tails.' and Lee says, 'If I had a tail, I'd grow it really long so I could wrap it around people's necks.' " -- Terra
"Eeewww!! You mean kids are born with tails?!?" -- Erin
"Yeah, sometimes." -- Nathan & Terra
"Doesn't that make you think of the mother, like, having sex with a horse?" -- Erin
"Kelly, you and I should be good friends cause, like, we live on the same street." -- Erin
Erin and Derek were watching and older Saturday Night Live with Chris Farley and Phil Hartman, and Erin says:
"Derek, did they make this before they died?"
Derek Says: "No, idiot, they're filming in Heaven."
Denae and Heather Zimm. were at the hospital.
Heather says: "I'm cold."
Denae says: "Maybe you're anemic."
Heather says: "I am not!! I eat!!"
"Those kids are gonna be retarded cause they'll have, like, nothing that first year and that's when they need all that stuff to learn!" -- Erin during the infamous "2000 Bug" discussion in Anal Geo (see the funny poetry page).
"I just forgot my train of thought!" -- Erin
"He was, like, a booger. He just sat around and was just, like, there." -- Erin
"That's like the best [grade point average] I've had... ever! Amy, I feel like I've just had sex!" -- Kelly G. in Anal Geo
"Amy, I took a personality test today and failed!" -- Jes
"I think sex with ____ _____ would be good because he's dumb." -- Me at IUP
"So that means that Mexican blondes have the best chance of getting a boyfriend?" -- Jocelyn in Batman's Bio class
"I wouldn't want to run on cow farts." -- Sara S.
"Why don't you just poop so we can understand?" -- Sara
"So if a plant killed someone then we'd know which one did it." -- Adam (about DNA)
"Being a stripper would be so....... degrading." -- Susan
"He had, like, wolf shirts that when you touch them they talk..." -- Erin
"What do you think I am? Some rodent that you can't even let out of the classroom?" -- Erin
"I think sometimes the Devil posesses me and makes dumb things come out." -- Erin
"I'm never gonna poop when I go to college; I'll hold it for months." -- Erin... are ya sure you wanna ask?
"Yeah, your mom is like a Q-tip and my grandma's like..." -- Me
"Roly Poly Fish Head!" -- Jes
"See Steve, if Satan really loved you, he wouldn't have let you get stuck." -- April
"I hope you guys didn't make any dangerous track marks in my driveway." -- Rachel
"Where'd she go?" -- Erin (inside joke from Anal party at Qing's)
"I don't like driving in the front!" -- Erin
"When he says tangent, it makes me want to eat pork." -- Erin
"You're just the result of a night of passion, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a busted condom!" -- Jes, to me.
"Pun'kin, I like your hugs much better without arms." -- Jes
"I'm gonna kill you in the head!" -- Erin
"My brain must not have been on right." -- Erin
"I love you Erin." -- Kelly
"NO! I don't want you hating me!" --Erin
"I'm an open pond just waiting for the fish to jump in." -- Erin
"You have a boyfriend, the rest of us are just shingles." -- Erin
"That black guy looks like Brian Colton." -- Erin
"Selfa. It's like a curious sofa." -- Keenan
"This little light of mine....." & "We are the world...." -- Erin
"I still think there's a remote chance that you can get pregnant from a toilet seat." -- Erin
"I'm burning incest." -- Erin
"Is it a big day when a father teaches his son how to masturbate?" -- Erin
*Singing to the tune of "Aeroplane" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers* "It's my Vaseline..." -- Erin
"We didn't listen to Stone Temple Pirates in sixth grade." -- April
"Who did we fight in WWII?" -- Senor Ashe
"PEARL JAM!" -- Erin
"What? Can't you read Greek?" -- Craig
"I think it's Hebrew." -- Me
"Oh! I thought it was Israeli!" -- Erin
Holly: "I have to go to Econ..."
Pepita: "You think that's bad? I have to go to Hitler's Oven!"
Erin: "Hitler's Oven... That makes me want to eat spaghetti."
(After very strange looks from Holly and Kelly)
Erin: "You know... Hitler's Oven, Italian Oven..."
"Craig, dude, wake up, we're going to get something to eat." -- Todd
(singing) "Jimmy crack corn and I don't care..." -- Craig
"What?!?" -- Todd
"Nevermind..." -- Craig
"I think I have sexy legs." -- Todd
"Whitehead.... whitehead...." -- Craig
"Craig - you wanna go to King's man?" -- Slagle
"No meatloaf!" -- Craig
"Shotgun!" -- Jared
"Chaka Khan?" -- Todd
"Yeah..." -- Jared
"I have some good news and some bad moves." -- Todd
"Well at least I can take a shower with my brain." -- Jared
"I'm possessed by a goat." -- Jes
With her hand coevering her nose & mouth, Jes says:
"I wanna cut my face off from here down."
Jared: "Why don't you move to Arabia or something?"
Jes: "I thought about it!"
Jared: "You know, it's really sad that you really fucking thought about that."
Jared: "Jes, if you took a knife and cut half your face off -- what would you do with it?"
Jes: "I'd put it in a jar! What would YOU do with it?"
"I'm like the spit left on the top of the beer can in an eighteen year old's body." -- Jared
"I could go for some spaghetti & balls." -- Todd
"She's not stupid, she's just an idiot." -- me
"Please tell me why Regina Powell and Doug McDowell were dressed up at Commencement Practice." -- Todd
"Because they're retarded." -- me
"Randy got the ass fork!" -- Jared
"Can you handle it... Scareyes!?!" -- me (under heavy influence)
"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a frozen drumstick?" -- me (ditto)
"I was thinking, my brain just wasn't connected with my mouth." -- Jes
"We used to have Studio Wrestling tournaments at my house on Sundays." -- Jes
"Jes, please stop singing that song -- I don't want to burn my eye out." -- Jared
"You realize, Jes, you're going to be so much taller than Jared." -- me
"That's ok -- I plan on growing several inches tonight. If not vertically... H O R I Z O N T A L L Y." -- Jared
"Come on... Beaverface??" -- me
"I'll have the Broiled God with the side of Christ." -- Jared
"I hear a duck... do you hear a duck? There's a duck here... in the woods! Do you hear a duck? I swear I hear a duck!" -- Jes
"Do you need a lube job?" -- Denae
"Now the straw, it absorbs all the weird shit from the cigarette and lets all the bad shit go straight on into your lungs... You gonna die.. TONIGHT! You're gonna wake up to be dead in a pool of your own vomit and die!" -- Jared
"The magnitude of this situation is deafening." -- Jared
"I just looked at that and the Facts of Life theme song popped into my head." -- Denae
"First the "Peter Piper" thing popped in and then straight into the Facts of Life." -- Denae
"We need to go somewhere where there's air cause my brain's not working in here." -- Denae
"Have you ever had two people at one time?" -- Slagle
"I haven't had one person at one time." -- me
"So this would be a new experience for you then?" -- Slagle
"Her name sort of sounds like don't-eat-a pickle. Get it? Don't-eat-a-pickle! You mean you guys knew that already??" -- Erin (big surprise)
"But Columbus discovered the pilgrims, right?" -- Erin
Mandy and Erin go to see Independence Day. The aliens blow up the White House. Erin taps Mandy on the shoulder and says, "Did that really happen?"
"I had my Snuggle backpack on... you remember Snuggle? From the commercials?" -- me
"Yeah, like Downey or something..." -- Amy O.
"No, like Snuggle." -- me
"Was he the one who said, 'Welcome, you've got mail?!'" -- Amy
"You are a pain on my bepper." -- Amanda Potteiger
"Carrot Ball??" -- Amy
"What are you?? Mary Poppins?" -- Amy
"Why don't you just run faster?" -- Amy
"Forget eatin' regular cats... I'm eatin MINE!" -- Amy
"No, it makes my nose water." -- me
"Lettuce is my favorite thing." -- Amy
"What??" -- me
"Lettuce... just look at it!" -- Amy
"JESUS FUCK!" -- Julia
"Love is a little elf dancing a merry jig when all of a sudden he turns around and opens fire on you with a miniature machine gun." -- Sean B.
"Ben 'Night Horse' Campbell... Is that your dad?!?" -- Rachy
"What'd you want me to do with it?? Put it in my pocket?" -- Amy
"Is that ROOTS???" -- Amy
"Hey Rachael, can I borrow your apron?" -- Amy
"I don't know who the hell let him in! Oh! Can you bust me for swearing?" -- Amanda
"Are you happy to see me or is that a banana hanging out of your pants?" -- Amanda
"You don't get out much, do you?" -- me
"No, my mommy keeps me caged up and sometimes she throws me raw meat, but other times... I hate when I can't finish my sentences. I feel like, um... what's the word??" -- Amanda
"You need to stop talking is what you need to do..." -- me
"SATURATED!!" -- Amanda
"Oh! That hurt my soul!" -- Amy
"I'm not sick in the stomach, dude, I'm sick in the head." -- Jes
"I'm gonna piss on that po's car. And then, I'm gonna act like I'm drunk, and then when they give me the breastilizer test, I'm gonna be like, 'Fuck you, I was just pretending. I just wanted to piss on your car.'" -- Keenan
"I didn't know Rosa Parks was a real person... I just thought it was just black people singing about stuff." -- Keenan
"Hey man, you gettin' up?" -- Keenan
"Jes! How'd you get beside me?" -- Amy
"We did another Chinese firedrill at Tatters and Amy drove from there." -- Jes
"Oh... am I dead?" -- Amy (hence the name, DEAD AMY)
"Walk down to the pop machine with me." -- me
"The Papa G??" -- Dead Amy
"I've been lesbianized!" -- Dead Amy
"I'm a zombie." -- Todd
"Get out of me!" -- Todd (Queen Annville... or Cleonville... something)
"Note to reader: it is 2:35 a.m. I have just returned here 15 minutes ago. Everyone is asleep. I'm wearing a woman's scarf and jacket for warmth and I'm drinking alone." -- Reefer
"I'm a man on a mission. And, honestly, I dont give a fuck!! Oh, dude, tomorrow I'm gonna turn 18, I can legally buy cigarettes but I can't go out. I'm gonna have to stay at home on the farm and milk the chickens." -- Todd
"Then, when you go to make a little Jared, he'll come out WITH three eyes." -- Blose
"There's beer all over the floordispule." -- BIG WEIRDO, Erin
"That moon that we play football under is the SAME MOON that the Egyptians built the pyramids under." -- John McGlinchey (wow)
"Louder than Satan's Asshole." -- Mike Miller
"I was born to be a truck." -- Corax
"Wouldn't it be really cool if two lesbians jumped out of the bushes and started having lesbian sex? I would shit and eat it." -- Todd
"Never underestimate the power of cheese." -- Todd
"Craig, have you ever lost a testicle?" -- Reefer
"That hippo is my lover." -- Denae
"I'm so not the asshole anymore!" -- Rimshot
"Empty! Empty!" -- Todd
"Easy Cheese! Doesn't that have sardines in it?" -- Corax
"I'm choppin' broccoli" -- anonymous
"Jes loves to eat chinese. She says it tastes like shit. But she has to drink beer cause she doesnt have jack so she's SCREWED." -- I have no fucking clue what this is about.
"I dont know 'bout you guys, but I like caviar!" -- anonymous, again... we were too fucked up on new years... you're lucky you're getting any quotes at all.
"I feel like removing my head and throwing it on the floor." -- Rimshot
"Hey, there goes another sheep!" -- Denae
"Ooh, that was stuck there..." -- Jes
"Dammit, it was a good party if the Jew caught on fire." -- Reefer
"We had our own little microcaust." -- Reefer
"Grab my New Year's Ass!" -- Jes
"Ohp. There's the sun. I'm glad THAT'S still working." -- Reefer
"I'm gonna turn into a Melendez brother." -- Erin
"I'm afraid to answer my cell phone anymore. I'm afraid it's calling me and threatening my life or something." -- Jes
"That's what I'd do... Having a good laugh with the furniture, someone knocks on the door... I'd shoot!" -- Jared
Erin has smoked kilos of crack so far this year.
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