the History
Here we go boys and girls, a play by play recapitulation of the birth, rise, and fall of everybody's favorite little band of pissed off blue people, the Smurfs.
It all started in the dark halls of Seoul Foreign High School, where in late 1996 3 wholesome young men decided that their three and a half years in high school had driven them to a strong deviance from the status quo. Armed only with Queers records and a whole lot of angst, these intrepid adveturers ventured into the big, mean world of punk rock.
Chris Park, AKA. Spastic Smurf, took to the helm on this voyage. His resonating voice, impressively minimalistic guitar work, his imposing stature (5' 5" and 120 lbs.), and his neato little glasses made him the perfect choice for this mission. Being pissed off at how much everything sucked helped too.
Kent Mitchell, AKA. Sassy Smurf, was quick to rush to his side. His desire to "rock out" and his equally imposing stature (5' 7" and 140 lbs.) would strike fear into the hearts of even the most fearless of enemies. With his brand new $100 bass guitar that he had played only several times, Sassy was prepared for a rock to the death.
Bill Maurer, AKA. Smelly Smurf, was the x-factor of the lot. At 7' and 600 lbs. he was far too large to be a smurf. To complicate things, he could not play drums for poo. Plus he smells bad. Yet his experience in such local bands as the Smelly Men and the widely heralded Bench made him the reluctant choice of the rest of the group... one they would come to regret...
The first practice, held at a dungeon of a practice studio called "the Jam Hut," was a dismal failure. After attempts to cover Screeching Weasel, the Queers, and the Hi-Fives, it was obvious that such goals were far to lofty for our brave young heros. Under the sorrowful eyes of onlookers, the Smurfs set out to mercilessly butcher every song they came in contact with. A very inauspicious start, one which the band made certain to rectify and vowed never to allow for such a tragedy to befall them again.
One good thing that came out the first practice was the opening guitar riff to "We're the Smurfs" by Smelly. It was at this point that the band made the conscious decision to veer away from the mid-tempo, sappy, overtly poppy drivel that far too many bands play today. the Smurfs opted instead for a faster, snottier, more pissed off brand of overtly poppy drivel.
The subsequent practices, held at Smelly's house cuz he was the drummer and drummers always have to have practice at their house cuz they are lazy like that, were far more successful. It was obvious that the private setting was particularly conducive to song composition. Plus they could watch Jeopardy right after practice (Smelly always won cuz he is the bomb...).
In any case, the Smurfs proceeded to write in excess of twenty songs and covered around ten (including an ill-fated version of the New Kids on the Block's "Cover Girl") in the space of 3 months. Unfortunately, by this time the school year was coming to a close. As seniors, each member of the band knew too well that in a matter of weeks, they would be off to pursue higher education in order to get jobs and be assimilated into society like good little sheep. With a sense of urgency as never before seen, the Smurfs recorded the "Smurfin' U.S.A." demo at Drug, the local punk rock dive / club with a borrowed 4-track (thanks Sam) and engineer (no thanks Tim! j/k).
At break neck speeds, these fearless young men completed laying the guitar, bass, and drum tracks for 20 songs in the space of 1 and a half hours... not bad considering that they had never even played 5 of these songs before going to the studio. Afterwards, they returned to Maurer Studios (i.e. Smelly's house) to record vocal tracks and eat lots of Mrs. Smelly's macaroni and cheese (yummy!).
After mixing down the 4-track masters, it became apparent to all present that these 3 young men had produced a classic piece of punk rock mastery. After reproducing 20 copies of the demo on Smelly's old Technics tape deck, the band sold all the demos in the space of 5 minutes (after having played their very first show in front of people who did not know the band personally). Numerous reprints have come about and will be coming out as long as there is a demand for the band's music.
Alas, the success of the Smurfs was limited due to their short lifespan. Having played only 3 shows before Smelly was forced to leave the band to return to the United States (he was deported for excessive body odor), they never established themselves as prominent figures in the Seoul punk scene. An attempt by the remaining members to play without Smelly, who was replaced by Jin-soo from Weeper, was thwarted by the evil proprieter of Drug, an evil man known only as "Uncle" to his constituents. the Smurfs were forced to fade into oblivion...
But is this the end of the story? I certainly hope not! Currently, Spastic has a band in Davis, CA called Marie and the Party Boys of Rock n' Roll (Spastic being one of the aforementioned Party Boys). Sassy too has put together a confederation of punk rockers called the Nakids (featuring members of Indiana punk rocker the Retreads) in Richmond, Indiana. Smelly, while he really really wants to be in a band, plays too much Nintendo to get off his ass and find bandmates in Charlottesville, VA.
Aside from their own new projects, what will the future hold for the Smurfs? you ask. It is difficult to say, but in the works is a digital remastering of the original 4-track tapes for a Smurfs CD (possibly a spilt with the Smelly Men) as well as a Smurfs reunion gig... as soon as the band is actually re-united... Only time will tell. Anyway, that's it. So go blow it out yer poophole...
- Smelly (11/30/97)
Postscript
It's been a year, and much has happened. Last winter, the Smurfs (minus Smelly) reunited briefly to play a show at Drug in Seoul. As Smelly could not make it to Korea, he was replaced by Sweetie Smurf (AKA. Timmy Stys). In their usual fashion, the Smurfs rocked out and fun was had by all.
Then this last summer, the Smurfs released their follow up to the highly acclaimed "Smurfin' U.S.A." Recorded again on Samuli Ulmanen's 4-track and by the illustrious Timmy Stys who had helped make the first demo a success, "the Attack of the Smurflings" as it was called proved a worthy successor. As Smelly again could not make it Korea to take part, he was replaced by Sexual Smurf (AKA. Miles Sexton). While the songs were primarily leftover from Sassy's now defunct project the Nakids, they capture the spirit of the Smurfs' early recordings.
The Smurfs can also be seen on the "Punk Rock for Assholes" Compilation on Your Mom's Records (contributing "Mommie is a Commie").
There are still plans to remaster the original 4-track tapes in order to release a Smurfs (in)Complete Discography CD. This coming summer may also see the first real Smurfs reunion and perhaps another release.
Presently, Smelly can be found playing guitar for the Virginia punk rock band got milf?. Sassy and Spastic are not currently a part of any organized musical unit, but this may be subject to change.
That pretty much does it for the state of the Smurfs. Until next time...
- Smelly (1/11/99)
home - history - discography - sounds - lyrics - pics - contact - links