Lyrics
from "Smurfin' U.S.A."
Songs:
we're the smurfs
sacajawea
my mommie is a commie
my girlfriend doesn't like star trek
bloody monday
i wanna kill alex trebek
i wanna be a gangsta
she farts
i wanna be abducted by space aliens
i wish i was in the world wrestling federation
xena, warrior princess
i wanna be david hasselhoff
because i love her
girl scout cookies
call me up
evil girls
alien nation
if my name was dick butkas
tina
my life is just so lame
We're the Smurfs!!!
words and music by smelly
smurf you!!!
really deep inside the woods
there is a band of bite size hoods
that is where we can be found
just goofin’ off, smurfin’ around
we’re tiny and we’re blue
the sock hat wearing crew
no this ain’t nothing new...
we’re the smurfs and we hate you!!!
spastic, sassy, smelly too
we all are bigger dorks than you
we’re rejects from lalala land
and now we’re in a punk rock band
we’re tiny and we’re blue
the sock hat wearing crew
and we kinda smell like poo...
we’re the smurfs and we hate you!!!
smurf you!!!
Sacajawea
words by smelly, music by spastic
you don’t have pretty name
of your face i can say the same
you’re the ugliest girl i know
all my friends they tell so
no your body don’t look so great
you tip the scales at 308
your hair’s a greasy unkept mess
but you’re the girl for me i guess
you’re the one i adore
you can’t fit through the door
i love you can’t you see
but it sucks you’re so ugly
too bad
so sad
you don’t have pretty name
of your face i can say the same
you’re the ugliest girl i know
all my friends they tell so
you’re the one i adore
you can’t fit through the door
i love you can’t you see
but it sucks you’re so ugly
too bad
so sad
you are the only squaw for me (repeat it shithead)
sacajawea
My Mommie is a Commie
words and music by smelly
my mommy is a commie
and she built a little bombie
gonna have to use it
on the evil cia
but all i do is pray
that the kids in school won’t say
your mom’s the one who started world war iii
mom’s so busy with the unions
that she never makes me dinner
no i haven’t eaten for a week
and now i’m getting thinner
and you know that i’m afraid
of the things coming my way
my mom’s the one who started world war iii
my mommy is a commie
and she built a little bombie
yeah she loves the revolution
but me? how can i say?
and all i do is pray
that the kids in school won’t say
your mom’s the one who started world war iii
My Girlfriend Doesn’t Like Star Trek
words and music by smelly
sick of the same old thing
dinner and a movie gets real boring
thought that i would try something new
stay home and try and watch star trek 2
she looks at me funny
makes a sad face
and gets up and leaves
i don’t know what’s wrong with her, what the heck?
my girlfriend she doesn’t like star trek
doesn’t think it’s interesting, i don’t know how...
i guess i’m going to have to dump her ass now
next week the same situation
this time i tried the next generation
i like picard and the crew just fine
but maybe she would prefer some deep space 9
she looks at me funny
makes a sad face
and gets up and leaves
i don’t know what’s wrong with her, what the heck?
my girlfriend she doesn’t like star trek
doesn’t think it’s interesting, i don’t know how...
i guess i’m going to have to dump her ass now
Bloody Monday
words and music by spastic
there she is, she’s coming
you’re gonna see me running
every monday morning
she comes to beat me up
look at me, what can i say?
this happens every monday
she lost a bunch of money
and now she’s blaming me
what did i ever do to her?
i loved her yeah she was my girl
now she wants to hang my guts
and slap me on my butt
i can’t believe it’s bloody monday
i can’t believe it’s bloody monday
I Wanna Kill Alex Trebek
words and music by smelly
thinks he’s so gosh darned smart
but he is just a stupid fart
i wanna take his limbs apart
he makes me wanna go and barf
i really hate that dumb theme song
i know you love to tell people they’re wrong
hey alex trebek
just what the heck is your problem?
you’re so anal
think the world spins around you
your arrogance it makes me puke
can’t think of better stuff to do
than those stupid interviews
i really hate that dumb theme song
i know you love to tell people they’re wrong
hey alex trebek put this in the form of a question
i wanna kill you
I Wanna Be a Gangsta
words and music by smelly
i’m sick of being a stupid punkrocker
don’t wanna get beaten up, stuffed in my locker
i’d rather go out and hang
and do some gang bangin’ yeah
i wanna do that g-thang
i’m gonna go out and show all the kids my new gat
i’m gonna kill that guy he threw rocks at my cat
got me a brand new limp
and i want respect becuz
now i have become a pimp
i wanna do drive bys
and wear my pants on my thighs
knit cap to cover my eyes
it’ll be so fun that i am gonna go and die
cruisin’ with the top down, just sippin’ on the 40’s
there ain’t nothing better than chillin’ with my homies
selling crack to all of the kids
treating girls just like spit
this gangsta stuff is da shit
i am bored, i get in my car, i take my gun
shoot at all of the kids who used to make fun of me
uh-oh, woe is me
i’m wanted by the p.d.
and my leg’s all warm with pee
i wanna do drive bys
and wear my pants on my thighs
knit cap to cover my eyes
cops are after me i think that i am gonna die
She Farts
words by smelly, music by spastic
when she gave me her phone number
i thought it would be swell
but when we went out on a date
i noticed that she smelled
she had to go and steal my heart
that day in front of the kmart
she’s pretty and she’s really smart
the problem is she always farts
showed her off to all of my friends
i said look what i’ve got
they said she’s looking really hot
but, well, her smell’s just not
she had to go and steal my heart
that day in front of the kmart
she’s pretty and she’s really smart
the problem is she always farts
i really think i like her but i don’t know what to do
she’d be more fun to have around if she didn’t smell like poo
we were sitting in the theater watching a movie
i put my arm around her and she tried to fart on me!!!
took her to my parents
i said we’re going out
they really liked her at first
but she had to let it out
she had to go and steal my heart
that day in front of the kmart
she’s pretty and she’s really smart
the problem is she always farts
I Wanna Be Abducted by Space Aliens
words and music by smelly
all my friends they bring me down
live life in a stupid town
tv culture shopping malls
i just wanna nuke it all
my life sure ain’t the brady bunch
i eat boogers for my lunch
the girls in skkkool they think i’m wierd
i gotta get out of here
i wanna be abducted
i wanna be abducted tonight!!!
i wanna be abducted
cuz anything is better than stupid human girls
I Wish I Was In the World Wrestling Federation
words and music by smelly
saw them on the tv
and i knew then just what i wanted to be
yeah it’s always been my dream
that i would be inside the ring
and beat up guys bigger than me
and all the girls would yell and shout and scream
i’ll do my best to look real mean
the baddest guy you’ve ever seen
my spandex undies colored green
i’ll use my special move on you
and there’s really nothing you can do
i’m gonna break your heart in two
hang out with the macho man
tag teaming with hulk hogan
but i’m stuck here in a punk rock band
wanna punch the ref and break his nose
tear off other wrestlers’ clothes
hey that’s not how the script supposed to go
i’ll do my best to look real mean
the baddest guy you’ve ever seen
my machismo level is obscene
i’ll use my special move on you
and there’s really nothing you can do
i’m gonna break your heart in two
i wish i was in the world wrestling federation
maybe then i could hang out with you
i wish i was in the world wrestling federation
if i was a wrestler maybe you would like me too
Xena, Warrior Princess
words by smelly, music by spastic
i want you around to keep them all away
those monsters they chase me every single day
i got in a fight with a bunch of other guys
but you came and kicked butt standing by my side
you’re so pretty you’re so strong
i wanna hold you close real long
the only girl for me
you are my destiny
way cooler than hercules
i wanna fight evil with you
you could kill barehanded the monster from loch ness
if you have a boyfriend i can only guess
you aren’t a goddess, to me you are priceless
my one and only warrior princess
you’re so pretty you’re so strong
i wanna hold you close real long
the only girl for me
you are my destiny
way cooler than hercules
i wanna fight evil with you
I Wanna Be David Hasselhoff
words and music by smelly
it often makes me wonder why
good things can happen to one guy
and nothing ever comes to me
he drives in a car that talks
and he watches girls on the boardwalk
how lucky can one guy be?
i wanna be michael knight
and be the star of baywatch nights oh yeah!
cuz that would be so cool
have videos on mtv
and be famous in germany oh yeah!
but i am just a stupid fool
fighting crime with the foundation
putting hobie on groundation
my life would be so grand
drive into the moving trucklab
cruise the beach out in the scarab
it’s my ticket out of geekland
i wanna be michael knight
and be the star of baywatch nights oh yeah!
cuz that would be so cool have videos on mtv
and be famous in germany oh yeah!
but i am just a stupid fool
sick of girls telling me to piss off
i wanna be just like david hasselhoff
you may laugh but deep inside i know
you wanna be just like david too
Because I Love Her
words and music by spastic
everywhere i go, everywhere i be
i just take a look around and she’s the girl i see
that’s cause i love her, because i love her
now she’s in my head; there just like she said
she’s driving me all crazy and i think i’m better off dead
that’s cause i love her, because i love her
you know she’s walking down the street
looking oh so neat
looking oh so neat just for me
you know she’s walking down the street
looking oh so neat
looking oh so neat i love her
everywhere i go, everywhere i be
i just take a look around and she’s the girl i see
that’s cause i love her, because i love her
Girl Scout Cookies
words and music by sassy
its my favorite time of year
winter’s over, have no fear
girl scout cookies here again
got my own cookie den
what you want they have got
chocolate orange buy a lot
just a box and i’ll be fine
they go really well with wine
tag a longs
do si dos
samoas
thin mints suck!!!
can’t you see?
they are for me
chomp chomp yummy
i want cookies!!!
go!!!
Call Me Up
words and music by spastic
my you’re looking good
cutest girl in the neighborhood
i want your smile
you just have to dial
i know you’re there
i feel your stare
come with me please
don’t be a tease
why won’t you call me up
oh won’t you call me up
you never call me up
i guess i smell real bad
don’t be a fake
like david hake
you’re so unclear
you’re never dear
oh can’t you see
you’re killing me
cum with me please
i want you to be
the one to call me up
why won’t you call me up
when you don’t call me up
i guess i smell real bad
Evil Girls
words and music by smelly
just don’t bother to hide
escape is just a bad lie
evil females on the prowl tonight
resist, don’t even try
don’t even try to ask why
suck you in and make you want to cry
say they want to go on a date (i don’t wanna go)
love ain’t the motive, it’s hate
they want to subvert, destroy and
you know that they’ll lie and they’ll cheat (they’ll lie and cheat)
until they have your ass beat
you just can’t turn them away
they’re aliens from planet mars
evil androids from the stars
always trying to stop the boys from having fun
kindness spews out from those lips
then transport to the mothership
new mode of torture called relationship
say they want to go on a date (i don’t wanna go)
love ain’t the motive, it’s hate
they want to subvert, destroy and
wake up before it’s too late (it’s too late)
run away, change your name
they’ll get you if you’re too lame
evil girls they all are the same
and they have cooties too...
Alien Nation
words and music by sassy
i am an alien guy in an alien nation
self-immolated and hibernated
most of the things i do are real wierd
most of the guys i know think i’m a queer
i’m an alien in an alien nation but that’s just just fine with me
cuz one day i’ll leave in revelry
i got fluorescent green blood and two front teeth
eating mozzarella cheese is how i breathe
some of the things i say just aint right
and girls avoid me stay out of my sight
i’m an alien in alienation but thats just fine with me
cause one day i’ll leave in revelry
most of the things i do are real weird
most of the guys i know think i’m queer
i’m an alien in alien but that’s just fine with me
cuz one day i’ll leave in revelry
If My Name Was Dick Butkas
words and music by smelly
yeah i’d... kill you simply for the way that you look
laughing out loud as the whole world it shook
put you in an oven and watch while you cook
won’t even think twice about the drugs i took
becuz my childhood it sucked
other kids had better luck
their mommies weren’t so lame
to give them a bad name
so now i’m a psychopath out on the warpath oh yeah
Tina
words and music by spastic
i see her in that red dress standing next to me
eating jelly beans and staring at the sea
oh tina you know you’re everything to me
and everday that goes by i’m saying oh gee
wishing you were here with me
oh tina will you kiss me in this century
when i hear your lovely voice
and when i smell your rad perfume
i get all sad cuz you don’t even know me
you’re hanging there by yourself
and i am hanging here by myself
oh tina won’t you give a chance i’m feeling lonely
i see you walkin’ in the halls you’re looking like a doll
i wanna hear you talk and i think i’d better call
i wanna eat your brain tina won’t you give it to me
i see you in my dreams whatcha doin’ to me?
k-i-s-s-i-n-g
oh tina i am wishing you’re here with me when i hear your lovely voice
and when i smell your rad perfume
i get all sad cuz you don’t even know me
you’re hanging there by yourself
and i am hanging here by myself
oh tina won’t you give a chance i’m feeling lonely
just because i want to eat you now
doesn’t mean a little lovin’ ain’t allowed
can’t you see you go so well with beef rice-a-roni
i see her in that red dress standing next to me
eating jelly beans and staring at the sea
oh tina you know you’re everything to me
and everday that goes by i’m saying oh gee
wishing you were here with me
oh tina will you kiss me in this century
My Life is Just So Lame
words and music by spastic
my life is going nowhere don’t you know
i wanna be a real big c.e.o.
it’s all the same
my dad’s to blame
cause vader ain’t my name
my life is just so lame
i wanna rule the universe whoa-oh-oh
but i just work in k-mart. it just blows
it’s all the same
my dad’s to blame
cause vader ain’t my name
my life is just so lame
i really wish my dad was darth vader
for christmas he would give me a light saber
i’m filled with shame
i want some fame
a loser i became
my life is just so lame
just so lame...(a couple more times)