Walker Hanson sat holding the cup of coffee. He ignored the hustle and bustle around him.
Someone coughed.
He didn't look up.
I steered in next to him. "Mr Hanson?"
He looked up. His hair was mussed, face had a fuzz and his eyes were bloodshot.
"Uh.." I began.
He looked back down into the coffee blankly.
"That bad, is it?" I joked, pulling a bottle of water off of my lap and setting it onto the table.
He shook his head.
I looked over at the other people in the cafeteria. I sighed. Time to break the ice. "It's not your fault."
He looked up sharply. His face showed that he beleived it was his fault entirely. "Kristen, it is my fault. I was responsible for you girls and I blew it."
I looked back at him. "You're also responsible for your own children. They're beautiful kids. You must have done something right."
He shook his head. "But I didn't look after you well enough."
I snorted. "That's a load of shit." I couldn't hold my tongue. I really didn't care about that at the moment. "You took care of us with rooms, food, transport." I chuckled ironically. "And discipline."
He covered his face in his hands. "You were still under my care and I left you alone."
I grasped his arm. "You didn't know that would happen. No one did. If I had known, I would have stopped the driver at a McDonald's until that kid went by."
He uncovered his face and placed his fingers around the cup of coffee. "I didn't take care of you enough. We all should have been in the same car."
I shook my head. "If that had happened, chances are that we all would have been hit."
He shuddered uncontrollably.
I sighed and carefully grasped his other arm. "If, buts, coulda's woulda's don't change it. You're a religious man. Jessica wouldn't be blaming you. Jamie isn't."
"She blames me."
I shook my head and pulled his arms so he faced me. This was like talking to a child. I knew how he felt. Until Taylor had shook some sense into me, I was like this. It was miserable.
"She's just scared and alone. She has lost the one person who she grew up with all her life. The person she told her secrets to. The person who understood her."
He just stared at me.
"Walker. Please." I sighed. I don't know how to make him understand that we don't blame him. "I don't blame you. Jamie doesn't. My dad doesn't. Ike, Tay, and Zac don't. I'm sure Jessica wouldn't blame you either. She'd say 'Ah, fuck it!'."
He smiled slightly.
"That's it." I coaxed. "It's not your fault. In fact, I'm grateful."
He raised and eyebrow.
"Well, I did get to stay at home and watch 'Days of Our Lives' reruns." I smiled as he smiled a bit more. "What I mean is that if you had put us in a chintsy '80's Toyota, we woulda been sardines."
He shut his eyes.
"By the way." I pressed my fingers around his arms.
He opened his eyes.
"The man who fathered 3 of the world's most eligible hotties can't be horrible, can he?"
He grinned.
I nodded and let go. "You know in old days in some country somwhere - can't remember the name... Anyways, when someone was killed by accident, the person who was there when it happened or if they did it, they would bring the news to the family and formally apoligise for their loss."
He grew sober, eyes saddening.
"And" I stopped him as he tried to cut in "the family would wash the person responsible clean of blame." I fiddled with my arm cast.
He looked away and I grabbed my bottle of water and opened it.
"So, Walker Hanson, as the only sane family member here, I announce that you are free from blame or guilt. It was not your fault. Your soul is clean from this tragedy." I dipped my fingers into my bottle of water and flicked his hair with it.
His mouth turned up slightly. "Thank you, Kris. You are quite the amazing young lady."
I reddened and wiped my wet fingers down my shirt.
"Now I know why Taylor is infatuated with you."
I grinned cheekily. "I know why, too."
He laughed loudly. "Modest, huh?"
I nodded, grinning. I could see that, indeed, he no longer felt the wrenching guilt I had shared with him. It wasn't completely gone, but he knew that no one blamed him.