2) Food only costs money. Girls cost dignity, pride, free time...
3) Food doesn't reject you. You are always good enough for food, it doesn't expect anniversary presents as it falls out of your ass.
4) Food isn't curvy. Damn.
5) You know what food is going to taste like. And it always tastes the same, there's no surprises in how it will behave in your mouth or stomach. You know the consequences certain food (taco bell, hot wings) carry. Girls... not so much.
6) Food smells good. Girls smell good. Damn.
7) Through scouting and word of mouth, you always know where you can get good food. Usually word of mouth only finds you bad girls and a case of severe itching.
8) Best representative of food... Bacon. Best representative of girls... Gillian Anderson. And which one do you think I have in my house?
9) Food can't talk. This means it won't bitch at you, but also means it can't sing, say cute things or squeal your name.
10) Reproduction.
11) There's a food for every mood. Hey, that even rhymes.
12) Hair is much better on girls than in your pineapple pizza.
13) Food spoils if not stored properly. Girls spoil if treated too properly in formative years. There's nothing you can do about girl spoilage.
14) Dressing on food is no good.
15) If food tastes bad, you can stop eating it without angry looks.
and 16) No one imagines food when they masturbate, not even me. Damn.
Why ants are like the English:
"Colonies".
They both have a queen.
They both have antennae and six appendages.
They can lift 50 times their own weight.
They talk in an accent.
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