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*Disclaimer - I do not own any of the members of 'N Sync (nor would I ever really want to) they belong to their respective owners. I do, however own all fictional characters such as Rachel, Mike, Devon and Ashley. Plagiarism is against the law. Thank you.
The Telephone Game
Rachel flopped across her bed and picked up the phone. It had only been three weeks since she last saw Lance and only two days since she last talked with him, but she was missing him at the moment. She picked up her phone and quickly dialed the cellular phone number that he had given her. Three rings later, he answered sounding exhausted.
"Hello?"
"Do you think all artists eventually go insane? I mean, I think I might be getting there on a relatively fast route."
"No, I don't think all artists go insane. Van Gogh was the only one that I can remember going insane, and the only reason why I remember him is because he chopped off his ear."
"Perfect example. I found myself staring quite strangely at my nose."
"Okay, I'll bite. Why your nose?"
"It throws the proportion of my face way off kilter. It's terrible. My nose is too big for my eyes."
"It is not. You're just being paranoid. You always look great."
"How would you know? You haven't seen me in weeks."
"I don't have to see you to know you look great. My memory happens to be one of my best features."
"Your eyes must be your worst."
"Nah., I know a pretty lady when I see one."
"Yeah, okay. Whatever. So, I got the lead role in my college's production of 'Guys and Dolls'."
"Congratulations. I knew you could do it."
"Thank you. Your support helped."
"It was nothing. You're a great drama queen, that's how I knew you were going to get the part."
"Has anyone ever told you that you happen to be one of the biggest smart asses in the world?"
"Not in the past two days, so I was over due."
"It would figure. What is going on? You sound like you're in a tunnel. A very loud tunnel."
"We're getting ready to go on stage."
"Oh hell, I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it. We aren't scheduled to go on for another twenty minutes and I can play hack while on the phone. It's no big deal."
"You sure?"
"I'm sure. Besides, I was thinking about you and this makes it easier for me. I would have felt really bad if I woke you up for the third time this week."
"I don't mind you waking me up."
"No?"
"No. I kind of like it when you do."
"Oh really."
"What can I say? You have one of those voices that drive women insane."
"Do I drive you insane?"
"What do you think?"
"I don't know what I think. Do I?"
"When you keep asking questions, you do."
"How about the rest of the time?"
"I don't know. What do you think?"
"This is beginning to get repetitious."
"Lance, yeah, you drive me crazy."
"In a good way or a bad way?"
"Oh for crying out loud! Does it really matter? Crazy is crazy is crazy is crazy. There's no good or bad about it."
"Come on Rach, stop being so elusive."
"You're using those big words again."
"I'm sure you can handle it, you're in college after all."
"Yeah, the kind of college Justin would love. Even our Professors say 'yo whud up wit dat y'all'. It's really very humorous."
"I'll have to tell Justin about that."
"By all means, go right ahead. We need another guy like Justin around. We're having a shortage of Justin's here on campus."
"What was that?"
"What was what?"
"That noise."
"What noise?"
"The noise I just heard in your room."
"Oh, that noise. It was nothing. Just the furnace kicking in. And it's about time too."
"I take it, it's still cold out there."
"No, it's ninety degrees and everyone's at the beach and still, the furnace kicks on to make our lives a fiery hell."
"That works."
"Oi, men!"
"What do you mean by that?"
"Nothing. You're infuriating."
"In a good way or in a bad way?"
"Here we go again. Infuriating is the same as crazy. There's no good and no bad."
"That's not possible. Everything has a good and a bad side to it. Yin and Yang, man."
"He's getting all philosophical on me now."
"Now you're using those big words."
"I'm in college. I'm allowed."
"Oh, right. I keep forgetting."
"It happens."
"I guess so. So, what are your plans for tonight?"
"I have a hot date."
"Is that so."
"Yeah."
"With whom?"
"A half a pint of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream and the TV. There's a Stephan King movie coming on in an hour."
"Lucky TV."
"That's what some people say. I say lucky me."
"Okay, why lucky you?"
"Well, you figure, the TV is the best date in the world. You can sit there and say nothing to it and it doesn't get angry. You can yell at it when it shows you something you don't want to see and it doesn't yell back. It can't smother you and it can't steal all of the covers."
"You're beginning to sound like Mike."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"You should. It sounds like a good time, though."
"Oh, believe me, it is. I can barely contain myself, my rapture is so intense."
"Okay, anyway, what's the movie about?"
"It's Stephan King."
"I realize that, Rach. I wasn't asking who wrote it, I was asking what it was about."
"It's Stephan King, so my guess is that it's scary."
"Has anyone ever told you that you're quite descriptive."
"Nope, you're the first."
"I feel so special."
"You should. I'm passing up a pepperoni pizza to talk to you."
"Wow, I'll write this one down in my calendar. The day that a girl threw over a pepperoni pizza to talk with me."
"It could be worse."
"How so?"
"I could be eating pizza while talking with you. I don't know about you, but those little chewy noises drive me nuts."
"In a good way or a bad way?"
"Good Lord! What is with you with the good and bad? Feeling kinda ugly tonight?"
"What?"
"Bad joke. You remember the movie 'The Good the Bad and the Ugly'?"
"Yeah."
"That's what I was referring to."
"That makes sense."
"I hoped so. Most of our conversations never do."
"It could be worse."
"How so, Lance?"
"Well, it could resemble a Pink Floyd video."
"You have to be stoned to figure most of those puppies out."
"That's what I'm saying."
"We're having a baby."
"What?!"
"My sister and her husband. We're having a baby."
"Thank God, I thought it was another immaculate conception."
"Oh yeah, I'm giving birth to the anti-Christ."
"Don't be sarcastic. I nearly had heart failure."
"I'm sorry. You should get that checked out."
"If you would stop telling me things without explaining them first, I wouldn't have heart failure."
"Wait, doesn't one of the Backstreet Boys have a heart condition?"
"I'm not sure, but I think so."
"You're a copycatter!"
"Oh for Heaven's sake! I am not!"
"No?"
"No. My God."
"Hey, he's mine too."
"Oh, right. Another one of those things that I keep forgetting."
"And you said your memory was one of your best features."
"I guess I was wrong, which makes my eyes the best feature."
"Nope, your eyes are bad too. Now your voice on the other hand."
"What about my voice?"
"Geez, are we a bit paranoid?"
"It comes with not being able to sing lead roles in any of our songs."
"But you have that nice little talking thing going on in one of them. Not to mention that Christmas song when you sang so low only dogs could hear you."
"Is that supposed to be a compliment?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, well, then, thank you."
"You're welcome."
"Has the movie started yet?"
"No, it's only been five minutes. The movie starts a half an hour after you take the stage. So if you're not on stage, the movie hasn't started yet."
"Wow, beautiful and logical. I found me a woman that knocks the socks off of the competition."
"The competition is a bunch of grade school girls who think the meaning of life is in Justin's hair dye."
"That's sad."
"You're telling me, but you live it."
"I know. Everyone loves Justin, with JC a close second. No one loves me."
"I love you Lance!" Chris yelled in the background.
"See? You hear that? Chris says he loves you."
"He doesn't count. He has to love me."
"How come?"
"Because I'd kill him in his sleep if he didn't."
"That's a good reason. He loves you out of fear."
"Yeah, so do all the others. It's really quite pitiful."
"So are you, but no one's complaining."
"Hey, I don't have to take this kind of abuse."
"You love it, Lance, and you know it."
"Only from you."
"I feel privileged."
"As well you should."
"Didn't I already say that I do?"
"Right, it must have slipped my mind."
"Again with the mind thing. My ice cream's here."
"Lucky devil."
"How many times do I have to tell you? That was a mixup. I'm really not the devil. I'm an angel."
"And if I believe that, you have some ocean front property you want to sell me in Arizona."
"No, South Dakota, but you were close enough."
"What are you doing?"
"What do you mean what am I doing?"
"Exactly what I said, why must you be so difficult?"
"Because I'm the drama queen. I'm eating my ice cream."
"Before the movie even starts?"
"Well, considering the movie doesn't start for another forty-five minutes, yes."
"I thought you hated chewy noises."
"I do, but I can't really hear my own."
"You're something else."
"Okay, what am I?"
"A drama queen. How many times do we have to go through this?"
"At least three more. I forget titles easily."
"This coming from the drama major."
"Watch it, pal. I'm a thespian, not a drama major."
"Sorry, my mistake."
"I know."
"You know what?"
"A lot of things."
"Rachel, stop. You're confusing me."
"Oh, sorry. What are you doing?"
"Playing hack, what did you think I was doing?"
"I don't know. Trying your hand at a pig calling contest?"
"Now why in hell would I do something like that?"
"How am I supposed to know, you just grunted really loud."
"Did I?"
"No. I'm just saying that to make you feel as paranoid as I do."
"Rach, I swear."
"Don't do that. I heard all about the Nookie thing."
"Who told you?"
"Mike did. She caught JC cussing on the phone and demanded that he say it, since she had to say it when she cussed her sister out for totaling the family car."
"I should have known."
"Losing your brain all together?"
"I guess so."
"Lance, don't you know that a mind is a terrible thing to waste?"
"I thought that was love."
"Nope, it's your mind."
"Thanks for clearing that up with me. I feel so much better now."
"Anything I can do to help."
"You drive me crazy!"
"Now it's my turn. In a good way or a bad way?"
"Now don't you start. Like you said, crazy is crazy is crazy is crazy. There's no good or bad to it."
"Wow, you said that word for word. I guess you really do pay attention when I talk."
"Why wouldn't I?"
"I thought it was a male thing. They never pay attention when females are talking."
"Only in the movies."
"I don't think so."
"Why not?"
"Because my dad never listens to my mother. It's terrible."
"You think?"
"No, Lance, I try not to. It hurts too much sometimes."
"It does? Poor baby."
"I'm a baby?"
"Um, did I say that out loud?"
"Yeah."
"Oops. I guess the internal monologue isn't functioning properly."
"Now you're beginning to sound like Mike."
"Lord help us all. Actually I stole the line from her."
"So, on top of your music career, you steal other people's witty lines?"
"Something like that."
"You're bad."
"Hey, I never asked for this. All I wanted was someone to talk to."
"And what am I? Chopped liver?"
"That would be kinda disgusting."
"You're right."
"Rach, I have to go. Five minutes until stage time."
"All right. Have fun and break a leg."
"Now that was down right cruel."
"Lance, you poor depraved child. Break a leg is show business talk for good luck."
"I knew that."
"Sure you did."
"I did."
"I know."
"I have to go."
"That's what you said a minute ago."
"Has it really been that long?"
"Now it has, yes."
"Okay. I'll talk to you later?"
"No. I'm changing my phone number cause you scare me."
"That's a pity cause I was going to ask you out."
"You were?"
"No, I just said that to get your hopes up."
"You bastard."
"I hate to disappoint you, but my folks were married when I came along."
"Details. Minor details."
"Right. Are you going to go out with me or what?"
"Sure, but how are we going to do that?"
"You can come out to Orlando next month. We have a week of vacation then."
"How am I going to get there?"
"Talk to Mike. She'll set it up."
"All right."
"It's been nice talking to you again."
"I thought you had to go."
"What? Are you trying to get rid of me?"
"No, I just don't want you to be late for your own show."
"Oh, right. I'll call you later."
"I won't hold my breath."
"Have fun watching your movie."
"I will. Try not to poke anyone's eye out with that apple of yours."
"That wasn't nice."
"Neither was your drama queen thing, but I forgive you."
"What a wonderful person you are."
"I know, but don't let it get out. I have an image to uphold."
"I wouldn't dream of it. Talk to you soon."
"I'll be around."
"You always are."
"No kidding. Good night Lance."
"Night, Rach."
Rachel hung up the phone with a smile. The easy banter that she and Lance had was extremely amusing, something her roommate told her quite often considering she had been there for almost every conversation Rachel had with Lance. Rachel flipped on the television and made herself comfortable on her bed. The movie would be starting in a half an hour and she didn't want to move until after the movie was over.
The movie was excellent and quite mind engrossing, and quite frankly, near the end when her phone rang. Rachel nearly jumped out of her skin and glared at the phone as she picked it up.
"County Morgue, you stab 'em we slab 'em."
"Talk about morbid. Is the movie really that depressing?"
"Considering I'll never know how it ends, yes."
"Why won't you know how it ends?"
"Because, Lance dear, you called me."
"Sorry."
"It's okay. I'll just have my roommate tell me what happened."
"Justin....no....you can't---,"
"Rach, you'll never believe what happened to Lance during the concert!"
"Why don't you tell me so I can be a believer."
"You know those rip off space suits that we have?"
"Unfortunately, yeah, though I try so very hard to forget them."
"He grabbed too much material and pulled his pants down to the knee!"
"That's too funny. I'm sure the mothers in the audience were mortifies that their children got to know our boy Lance a little better."
"Thanks Rach."
"Awe, Lance, you have to admit that it's funny now, even if it wasn't when it happened."
"It wasn't funny, this girl in the front row passed out."
"Most likely from fear. I'm sure she's never seen a guy in his skivvies."
"Rachel."
"What? You expect me to let this one rest? Not on your life! I'm having too much fun with this one."
"Fine. I'm hanging up now."
"You can dish it out but you can't take it? I see now."
"That's not what I said."
"Then why are you getting all defensive?"
"Because it was the most embarrassing thing, alright?"
"Like we haven't had those moments. God, Lance. It comes with being an entertainer."
"That's not the point. I just don't want to joke about people thinking I'm a pervert quite yet."
"You are not a pervert."
"What guy would flash an crowd filled with nine year old girls?"
"You didn't do it on purpose. Everyone knows that."
"Yeah right. That's why a mother almost decked me on my way to the bus."
"Maybe she was jealous. I don't know, Lance, but stop worrying about it."
"Whatever."
"Poor peacock has his feathers ruffled."
"Shut up, Rach."
"Fine. Not another word from me."
"We could only wish to be so lucky."
"......................"
"Rach?"
"......................"
"This isn't funny anymore Rachel."
"......................"
"Well, alright then. I guess I'm just going to sit on the phone and wait for you to say something."
"......................"
"......................"
"......................"
"Rachel, talk to me. I don't like your silences."
"......................"
"I'm sorry, okay?"
"......................"
"What do you want me to say? Come on, Rach."
"......................"
"Rachel, come on."
"Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Myer wiener. That is what I'd truly like to be."
"Oh God."
"Fore, if I were an Oscar Myer wiener, everyone would be in love with me!"
"Why are you not talking to me?"
"He's a high falutin, rootin' tootin', son of a gun from Arizona, rag time Cowboy, talk about your cowboy. Rag Time Cowboy Joe. BANG!"
"Enough with the singing, Rach."
"Well, I stuck my head in a little skunk's hole and the little skunk said 'well, bless me soul Take it out, take it out, remove it'."
"For crying out loud Rachel."
"Well, I didn't take it out and the little skunk said 'You better take it out or you'll wish you had. Take it out, take it out, remove it.'."
"I'm going to hang up if you don't stop."
"Pssssssssssst. I removed it, too late!"
"Goodbye Rachel."
"......................."
"Whatever."
"Oh, I'd rather suck on a lemon drop than trust my luck with a lollipop, cause I always drop my lollipop and it gets all over, icky. I've tried and tried and still I can't find a lollipop that is half way decent. So I'd rather suck on a lemon drop than trust my luck with a lollipop, cause I always drop my lollipop and it gets all over, icky. Oh icky, oh icky, icky, icky."
"Are you finished?"
"........................"
"I know I told you to shut up, but I didn't mean literally."
".....*sigh*........."
"Alright, I'll talk to you later, then."
"........................"
"Bye."
Rachel burst out into laughter when she heard the dial tone. Her roommate took that opportunity to walk in after a long day of classes and hanging out with friends.
"Okay, why are you laughing like a lunatic while holding the phone? No wait, don't tell me. Lance called." Samantha sighed with an amused smile. Rachel nodded and continued laughing as she dial Lance's number. He picked up after the fourth ring.
"Hello?"
"Don't ever tell me to shut up again." she told him than hung up the phone. She crawled under the covers and turned her lamp off. Soon, she was in dreamland.
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