Howie had left the curtain on his bunk open to watch the man in the bunk across the aisle. It had been three weeks since the mysterious letter had appeared and in that time, Howie had noticed changes in his best friend.
A.J., his extroverted personality known to family, friends and fans, was now drawing within himself. Sure he found enough of his former self to throw together an energetic performance every night. Enough that outsiders wouldn’t ask questions. But Howie – and the other Boys to some extent – saw through the façade.
Something was bothering A.J. Howie had difficulty believing that a simple letter – no matter how striking and emotional the prose– could have such an effect on a person. He had been moved by fan letters over the years, but not to the extent that his entire personality seemed to change before his friends’ eyes.
Howie’s thoughts were interrupted by A.J.’s voice mumbling. "Bone?" Howie sat up and looked closer at his friend. "A.J.?"
The mumbling became more intelligible. "What song?"
Howie smiled as he realized A.J. was sleep-talking. A consummate entertainer, the man even dreamed about performing. "What song? Please tell me." The voice became more insistent, pleading. "Please what song? Before I go crazy, tell me. PLEASE." A.J. was now physically struggling with his imaginary tormentor. His breathing became rougher…almost as if he were hyperventilating.
Howie’s smile changed to a frown. This wasn’t a dream. It was clearly a nightmare. He debated whether or not to awaken his friend, not certain he’d want to deal with the consequences.
"God please!" came the voice – now a hoarse forceful whisper.
Howie swung his legs over the bunk and called to his friend softly. "A.J." The others were miraculously still sleep despite the verbal outbursts from A.J.’s bunk and he didn’t want to wake them as well. "A.J., man, wake up." Howie reached over and lightly shook his friend.
"What song?" A.J. was again jolted awake like too many other nights. His chest heaved with every breath. Carefully, he opened his brown eyes and found himself staring at the blue stationary and the words that had become all too familiar.
The comforting hand on his shoulder startled him and he rolled onto his back. "D?" he whispered having not yet found his voice.
"You okay, bro? That must have been some nightmare."
"Shit. Not again.’ A.J. shook his head to clear it before consciously deciding to brush off the incident. No need to worry Howie. "It was nothing really. Just one of those things. I can handle it."
Howie was again not convinced but refused to push his younger friend. "Alright, if you’re sure. Just remember I’m here if you need to talk, okay?"
A.J. nodded then he watched Howie climb back into bed. Within minutes, A.J. could hear his regulated breathing and knew he was asleep. Crawling out of bed, he pulled on a pair of boxers and gray sweats then silently shuffled to the front of the bus. There he sat at the table using the seat opposite him as an ottoman and watched the darkened outside world pass.
He rested his temple against the cold window and sighed feeling the guilt him. He had lied to his best friend. This wasn’t something he could handle. The nightmares were beginning to consume him. His obsession with the two letters already had.
"How am I supposed to explain something I don’t yet
understand myself?’
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